I am a happy atheist/agnostic, much of my family is no longer TBM but I was raised very TBM and my parents are both still TBM. I only came out to my mom last year so it was a shock to her and I still get regular emails from her either reminding me about some spiritual thing I did as a kid, or sharing a story from mormondom to try and bring me back into the flock. I just received one yesterday and I have to say I finally broke down and told her just how destructive and hurtful I think the LDS faith is and that nothing on earth would bring me back.

Anyway, this recent effort of hers got me wondering just why she can't let go. I know there are lots of reasons, such as the church teaching her she is responsible for my spiritual choices, fear of not having me in the CK, etc but a new one just came to mind. I realize now that since 3 of her 5 kids are no longer believers she is faced with the reality that she will be mostly alone in the CK. This really invalidates much of her own effort and struggle to do as the church wants. She has gone all her life, paid tithing, held callings and generally just sacraficed a great deal to get to the CK. Now she looks at who will be with her in the CK and sees that she will be missing many of the most important people to her. In short, the CK is no longer the reward she thought she would get regardless of how cool it is otherwise. Her non believing kids are invalidating all of that hard work and effort right before her eyes. That must be a heavy blow to take. I have to agree, heaven wouldnt be heaven if it were missing everyone I love here on earth. Damn that is an evil bit of work for a church.

"Mom. When I was a child I thought as a child. Now I am a free thinking mature adult. If a system can cause such pain and family separation on earth, how much more will it cause in the heaven taught by this same system? Who would want such a horrible fate?"

What was her response?

she hasn't given me a response yet, I think I may have shocked her into silence. I was a pretty strong believer at one point so I think for a while she has maybe thought this was a "phase" or that my brother was influencing me and I would see the light again. I did my best to put all of that thinking to rest short of telling her what a scumbag piece of s$%& I think Joe Smith is.

I'm very curious about what will happen next. Keep us informed!

Reading this has been such an eye opener for me. I think my mother thinks much the same as yours. None of my siblings or I are a part of the church anymore. While I've been inactive for years I finally told my parents how destructive the church has been to me just last week. My father has given me the cold shoulder and my mom keeps telling me she still has hope that I'll come back. She is starting to say things that the church doesn't teach, I think in order to convince herself that it will work that way even if the church says it won't.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2013 08:29PM by summer.

To Kabbima & JWMFAS,

Tell your moms that they'll be alone ANYway.

If you were faithful TBMs, you'd become gods/goddesses, and you'd be with your partners, not your parents. And if you're NOT faithful TBMs, you'll be in some other kingdom.

She'll either be sealed to & live with her husband, or be sealed to some other god.

Of course it's all a load of nonsense. But how to tell that to your moms.... I can't think of a way, except for living well & being happy as you are.

the church dogma ties all life's suffering- (which is inevitable- such as back pain, aching knees, torn tendons, hurting rotator cuffs, COPD in polluted air basins, radiation sickness in fallout etc.= all logical suffering of creatures in nature aging, engaging with their environment)- the emotional experiences which are nothing to scoff at! being in pain! needing help to walk! all of it is (logically) coming

however the church dogmatizes every pain in the human condition, as part of your choices (keeping the commandments or not) (how well you kept the commandments) and inevitably (how well you made choices kept the commandments in the pre existance)

so it very well may be, despite concerns about eternity, that every skipped bill, every creditor calling, every knee tendon tingling before needed surgery, every back pain moment, every pain one sees one's formely strong husband suffering as he too is aging- is a trigger. a cue. for anxiety. (for you were conditioned to react that if one had pain it was because of you what you had done or not done or done incorrectly a commandment) the more pain the more anxiety about keeping commandments improperly.

it is inevitable that life will entail physical pain at the least then death. this is not to condone knee jerk nagging- it is to relabel it as a loop of dogma generated conditioning

you have to break the loop somehow with love not hate- that nagging panic expressed is the fearful anxiety- of a person being triggered - by normal life experience of discomfort stress pain aging- into a regligious obvlivion its hell on earth being caught being taught trapped in a loop. a mental loop.


just my opinion

Yep. Exactly!

It even goes one step further. Not only does the Celestial Kingdom suck rocks but she has to carry the GUILT that it might be HER FAULT that you and your siblings are out.

I may be her shortcoming of not being a good enough mother that is the cause of you being eternally separated from her. So now it is HER RESPONSIBILITY to somehow bring you back - to make up for her previous shortcoming as a mother of doing something wrong that caused you to stray.

What a horrible, horrible thing.

Your mother is discovering that heaven isn't heaven unless her loved ones are there with her. Better to be with you than in some sterile and bereft "paradise."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2013 08:35PM by summer.