My fiance is positive that I am only hers and is sure that we will have a good relationship (and one of the reasons she wants to be in the Mormon church is because she's hooked on eternal marriage because it means she will only be mine). But she also pulled the little mental twist that commandments change when I mentioned polygamy. So after I show her the facts and we talk about it, depending on how it goes, I will ask "If we were to be a Mormon couple and polygamy were commanded again, would you be okay with me having more wives than just you?"

If she answers yes then I know that she puts the church above our relationship and there is probably nothing I can do about it. And if she answers no then it's a win-win because it will get her thinking about it even more.

I have to admit, this is seeming to be a more and more commonly asked question and a lot of Mormons give stupid answers to it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2013 02:19PM by nickson.

According to Mormon mythology, even if she's not ok with polygamy, she will have to do it in the Celestial kingdom with you anyway. The "married for eternity" only means that she will be one of many wives to you in heaven.

Maybe she should be informed of that little gem too :)

Ah good point :) I think there are actually references on the lds site which contain the quotes from when Joseph Smith and Brigham Young said things of that sort. Maybe I should find that one :)

Not to mention if she if she thinks Jesus is ever going to show up, polygamy will supposedly be practiced during "the Millenium."

"she also pulled the little mental twist that commandments change "

If she admits that commandments change, then they could change to exclude you from being "only hers" or to somehow change the whole concept of eternal marriage.

Joseph Smith's practice of polyandry effectively took men's wives from them and sealed them to him. These women no longer had their husbands for all eternity but only for their lives together on earth. In the next life, they were married to Smith.

Nickson.....You must remember, and emphasize to her, that polygamy is still CURRENTLY embraced by the Church. It merely is not openly practiced; but still believed, and practiced quietly. For example, at least 5 general authorities, including Dallin Oaks, have experienced the passing of their first wife, and remarried in the temple and are sealed to both simultaneaously. And they intend to have them both in the eternities.

Once a woman has a child, they often become Turbo TBM.

The "commandments change" response means you are still too high level. I was fine with that answer for a long time.

The trick is she has to understand the picture of just how harmful and horrid polygamy was. Of how manipulative Joseph Smith was - and how he misused his power.

Until she sees that picture polygamy is easy to shrug off.

The real issue is there is no plausible explanation of why God would do something so horrid as command polygamy. But until she understand how abusive polygamy is she can't conclude that.

For example, the biggest problem with polyandry is not that Joseph Smith was having sex with other husband's wives. The biggest problem is that because he is higher up in the priesthood that somehow gives him the right to take them from these men and seal them to him for all eternity.

I wouldn't put as much stock in your question as you are. Just because she answers the wrong way when you are putting her on the defensive does not mean that there is no getting through to her.

What continually amazes me is the variety of what it was that finally was the straw that broke the camels back that finally "got to" people. I say the real test is, is she willing to keep listening to what you have to say and seriously consider it. As long as she is willing to do that your relationship is not sunk. Don't push too hard and be too demanding or manipulative on any one subject.

Also, I'm in the minority on this board but I don't see difference in religious beliefs as an automatic relationship killer. Even if you can't convince her can you both respect each other and move forward anyway? - that's an important question. Frankly, an arbitrary ultimatum question is putting you on the wrong side of working out a marriage.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2013 10:40AM by bc.

You're right. And it wouldn't be good of me to let that be a deal breaker, but I would probably have to revise my strategy depending on her answer. My most hopeful (yet probably unlikely) outcome is that, not only does she see the church's history for what it is, but I hope that she begins to question and ask church leaders questions that they will deny or hide or manipulate so that she can see the true side of the current church too.

if it's required in the hereafter, they won't mind. They assume they'll be perfected to the point of seeing it in a more godly way and they'll be first wife queens ruling over the family and reaping adoration from multitudes of spirits and godly beings.

Yes, but eternal marriage would require that you also be a super TBM and jump through all of their hoops, in order to get a temple recommend. She needs two to tango on that one.

Sometimes you just have to cut yourlosses and walk away.
Knowing when to fold is part of successful living.

My gut feeling tells me you are wasting your time with this girl.