Whenever I go out to dinner with certain beloved family members who are Saints and the waiter comes over, they make a haughty show of briskly turning over the coffee cups. My NeverMo wife once asked me "Do they think the waiter is going to pee in it?"

Yes, it is annoying. Simply put, it's a childish behavior. I guess that politely saying "no thank you" is beyond the level of their mental and social development.

Somehow through their stellar example of righteousness, the waiter will find "the gospel" magically delicious and ask to learn more about what makes them so happy, then desiring baptism after only the first or second discussion.

Yeah. And monkeys fly out of my butt on a regular basis...

These are also the same people who let their kids make an absolute mess, ask for a small plate of lemmon wedges along with their glass of water so they can make their own lemonade, and then are stingy with leaving a tip, if at all.

I think that sums it up about right.

Bite Me wrote
>

>
> These are also the same people who ... ask for a small plate of
> lemmon wedges along with their glass of water so
> they can make their own lemonade
>
I always ask for lemon with my water in a restaurant. I don't see your problem with that.

Getting a wedge of lemmon for your water is not a problem. It's perfectly acceptable. I do that too.

However, getting a whole bunch of lemmon wedges to literally make your own lemonade at the table because you are too cheap to order a lemonade is a totally different story.

Actually, I learned this behavior from my nevermo parents and we were all coffee drinkers (until I converted). At certain restaurants who assumed we would drink coffee and would instantly pour coffee in our cups, because they wouldn't give us a chance to say, "No, thank you," if we weren't in the mood, or if it was after a certain time of the day when we didn't want to drink coffee, we would turn over our cups. At the other restaurants, though, servers would ask before pouring so there was no need to turn the cups over.

Although I do like to scoff at all things Mormon, I also learned this from my parents back in the 60's.

OK then, my bad, but I still think there really is a little hint of superiority and disgust when my faithful family members do it.

Fair enough - however it's the putting on the show for the waiter instead of just casually turning them over that seems annoying.

If they turned the cup over as they sat down, before the waiter showed up with the coffee, no problem. It's kind of like setting down the menu to let the server know you are ready to order.

If they make a big, overly dramatic show of it for the waiter once they show up then I would have a problem with it.

I learned to do visual clues because a big chunk of my extended family is deaf. So I learned things like turning over the cup to say I was not interested in Coffee. I also learned to put my hand over the cup to indicate that I didn't want a refill.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2013 10:35AM by MJ.

Ok, now I am starting to feel dumb. It must be interesting learning to interact with deaf family, I spent a brief period of my life without sight when I was a kid and I can still feel how it subtly changed the way I interact with things.

It was not "It must be interesting learning to interact with deaf family". It was the norm I grew up with.

My mother's parents were both deaf. My grandfather died when I was 3 years old and my grandmother lived 3 blocks away from us. We all took turns spending the night with her all our lives. She died when I was in my 20s. She was my second mother and she was my mother's best friend. My mother was their oldest child and my mother learned to sign before she learned to talk.

It brought tears to my eyes just remembering.

I look at the world in a way most people will never understand thanks to my deaf relatives.

I miss that aspect of my life. My mother died 4 years ago--so I don't see the sign language nearly as much. My grandmother was one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. I didn't get to know my grandfather. There is actually a peace to the deaf community that we hearing people don't get.

Go to their homes and it is quiet. There isn't all this NOISE. We all FOUGHT over who got to go to grandma's house to stay overnight. She babysat us, too. My siblings felt privileged to have been able to live close my grandmother. Our cousins didn't get the privilege and they are actually envious of us.

I used to love to sit and watch my grandmother talk to her friends.

We went everywhere with her and she spent most of her time with us. I only wish my kids had been alive to know her.

Being part of the deaf culture really adds something to your life that you can't explain to someone else.

My deaf aunt married a deaf man. Both their son's were deaf their one daughter was not.

Going over to their house was NOT quiet. The kids, about my age, had no idea how much noise they were making as we played. As a kid, I loved going over there because I could be loud without being Shushed.

Nothing was louder than going to a basketball game between the Fremont School for the Deaf and Riverside School for the Deaf (the two California schools for the deaf, arch rivals). The crowds would try to generate as much base as possible so the players could FEEL the sound.

No, we hearing family members do not get the full beauty of deaf culture, but I have seen enough to know that it is a vibrant, fun and valid culture.

My grandmother and her friends were very loud when they would talk to each other in sign language. It was really interesting to watch them, but my grandmother's house was a refuge from the storm of everyday life, school, friends, etc. I'll have to ask my aunt what the level of noise was at their home growing up.

I also wanted to say that I support your feelings here. It looks like the rude comments have been removed.

Oh--and my mother was hard of hearing and wore hearing aids. She related better to the deaf community than the hearing. My grandfather's deafness was congenital and he could hear a little bit. My grandmother had whooping cough when she was 3 years old and lost all her hearing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2013 04:31PM by cl2.

In my family, my mother had two sisters and two brothers. One sister ("B") was profoundly deaf, couldn't hear a thing. The other ("A") was hard of hearing but identified as deaf and with deaf culture. The A and B thing is in regards to a family tradition in name signs.

I don't want to go into detail, but my relatives are very well known and respected in the deaf community. B's family in particular are considered Deaf Royalty (a title earned through legitimate respect, not like the LDS Royalty that is anointed). It would not surprise me if your grand mother had heard about someone from my family.

It hurts me deeply to see ignorance of the deaf, or of ASL used as joke or as a weapon. I knew I had your support. I also knew why you might not want to jump into that bunch of crap.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2013 05:41PM by MJ.

I waitressed in the early 70s, not in the Morridor, and we would carry the coffee pot with us when we took them the menus. However, I would have never poured without asking, "coffee?" So my parents would totally mortify me because not only would my mom turn the cup over immediately, in disgust, but she'd always say, "we're Mormon, we don't drink coffee." As a TBM kid, I knew Mormons were looked at as weird and hated that my mom always had to announce it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2013 11:24AM by NormaRae.

I have seen this as a polite gesture and the waiter simply removes the cups from the table. Usually the waiter or waitress will ask first, partially because someone might prefer decaf. I don't think I've seen anyone do this in years.

It's the haughty, exaggerated gesture that makes it rude.

I just don't understand how Mormons think that not drinking coffee is some grand gesture that will make people wonder how they can be like them and are suddenly on the fast track to conversion.

I think some people just relish the opportunity to express their pious indignation. Weird.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2013 02:12PM by ladell.

I was taught this as a child part of my restaurant manners. That way the server wouldn't have to even bother to ask, or lug the pot to our table.

Is this a generational thing?

I’m not only anointed. I also hate when people in the middle of Mc D starting to pray the food that you actually hear it on the parking lot.
Did not little Jesus tell them to go and pray in their chambers?

This religious - show of - rightfulness. This very loud show of how humble and obeying they are. This I am right and you are wrong wherever they go. I can’t stand it.

That definitely annoys me that you would ask that

I think its more annoying that some restaurants will pour you a cup of coffee without you asking for it, and then try to charge you for that coffee whether you drink it or not! Its nothing but a stupid grab at your wallet. If you don't want coffee with your meal, it just adds a bit of needless hassle and annoyance to an otherwise enjoyable meal.

That would be annoying as well. It has never happened to me.

I have been to restaurants as far way from Utah as possible, on the east coast, and when I said 'no thanks' to coffee, the waitress turned my cup over. It has happened a zillion times, must be the real deal.....

I think it is all in the delivery

She would insist the cups be removed "BECAUSE WE ARE MORMON". And yes she would say it loud enough that half the place heard. She would also then pray over the food LOUD.

The kicker is she would then, in a regular voice, ask for a cup to be brought back with hot water for her nasty Postum. Sigh. In Utah it wasn't too bad but in So Cal it was mortifying. Almost as bad as garmies under a swimsuit at the beach.

Nice

My grand mother on my father's side was such a hard core Catholic, it drove my father to atheism.

My grand mother on my mother's side was atheist, as was my mother.

So, guess which grandmother I liked best?

eek, you just gave me the shivers with that one.

(Almost as bad as garmies under a swimsuit at the beach)

When I was young before you were all born, (at least that's the way I feel today) this was a big topic of conversation.

Since there probably weren't more than a dozen coffee cups in our whole county, when people went to the big cities, their friends would warn them that you had to turn your coffee cup over or the waitress would fill it. And then what would you do?

This warning was always given in the same tone of voice as when you warn someone that there has been a bear sighting right down in the village and you had better be very careful.

So apparently a big mormon group all turned their cups over at cafe in Vegas and the waitress turned to another waitress and said, "Have you ever seen so many people with ulcers in your life?" Many chuckles were had every time it was told.

This story was legendary for my whole youth.

Aha! The plot thickens. Thanks

My mom gave and still gives the haughty coffee cup flip to show us all how evil coffee is to drink. Oh my! This and the fake "Hi! How are y-o-uuuuuuu?" drive me c-r-a-z-y!!

Blueorchid, thanks for the background info.