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Posted by: Exmo Mom ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 01:29PM

To me, I cannot imagine the shock and horror upon hearing your child has been shot, especially at school of all places!

I know the Mormon view of it is that the c hildren are in Heaven now and safe. I suppose that gives some comfort.

I think what bothered me a little about hearing Robbie Parker's interview was that he seemed to want to be angry but felt he should not be angry. Robbie, it's ok to be angry at a time like this.

I think the best way for those of us who are also angry about what happened is to channel that anger, not necessarily towards the shooter, but to the lack of mental health care and support in our society. It is woefully inadequate. I don't know details about the shooter's health yet but if he did have severe mental health challenges, what ways could he have been helped?

One thing that bothers me is that a lot of people who have mental health challenges are given medications as though that's the answer, but without complementary counseling to help them learn to manage the meds and issues they are facing. Some meds can actually induce suicidal tendencies and other negative side effects, and so they require special care and handling. I tend to think that in some cases, meds can work wonders. But in many cases I've witnessed, the people who tried the meds needed individual counseling to work through different issues - the meds were like a bandaid. It's not to say that that can't and doesn't help but what if the underlying issues that led to the depression are never resolved, and then the person suddenly can't afford the meds? Then are they susceptible to violence or other behaviours that might have been avoided, had they received counseling or CBT to find healthy solutions to their challenges?

Of course, there are some conditions that require medication without question, such as bipolar depression and schizophrenia. You can't just go to counseling and hope those two conditions get resolved simply by counseling.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 01:35PM

TSCC should drop the prohibitions on tea and coffee. Tea and coffee will do more than any single thing to reduce depression at little expense.

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 06:51PM

I have issues with depression and anxiety and my doctors were vehement that coffee exacerbates the problem. I now allow myself ONE cup of coffee a day -- for the metabolism benefits and because I love coffee -- and no more. It's helped enormously with the ups and downs I experienced while consuming large quantities of coffee.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 05:46PM

The doctors are wrong. It is an outdated theory that coffee is bad for depression. This is not to say that some person might react differently, but the evidence is there that overall it reduces depression. I know from experience. The reason it reduces depression is the same reason it reduces diabetes: its effect on blood sugar.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 01:48PM

I was surprised (read: FLORED) that he did this (addressing the press) so soon after child's (Emily?) death.

Oh Well, it's up to him/them (where was his wife/spouse-partner?).

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 01:53PM

I'll repeat what I said on another thread:

One of the biggest impediments to treating children and teens with mental health issues are *the parents*. Many times it is painfully obvious to a school staff when a child has a severe mental health issue. Yet if we cannot get a parent to sign the forms, we are unable to get help for the child. I have seen children with severe issues go untreated for years because their parents refused to get them help.

Parents refuse for a number of reasons. Many do not believe in counseling. Some feel that having mental health issues is a sign of weakness. A number of them fear that family secrets will be exposed. Some parents are themselves suffering from mental illness.

We don't really care if the parents go through private channels (many do) or get help from us. The main thing is we want to see the children get help.

I think that it's time to have a conversation as a country about what should happen when parents refuse to get help for their mentally ill children. Should parental rights trump the rights of society? Or the right of the affected children to get help?

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2012 01:54PM by summer.

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Posted by: kj ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 02:26PM

I didn't hear anything about teaching Emilie Portugese. I didn't hear Heavenly Father mentioned.......but the family photo.....the picture on the wall behind him (Joseph or Jesus?) and his calmness and forgiving words didn't seem to match up with his demeanor.

This is truly heartbreaking......he did say his religion/beliefs and faith would get him through this....(not exact words)

What was the picture on the wall? Joseph in the grove? or Jesus?

Robbie seemed like a young Bishop giving a talk in Sacrament meeting.


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Posted by: Jenlyn ( )
Date: December 19, 2012 12:41PM

I caveat my below answer with the fact that I still love the Mormon church, I just do not believe its teachings.

I am glad for the Parkers that they have their beliefs. They are comforted "knowing" that their daughter is in the Celestial Kingdom with God, like many other Christians. Remember Mormons believe the age of accountability to be 8 and so in their minds, she is safe for eternity. Not saying that the belief is correct, but at least they have that?

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Posted by: resourceteacher64 ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 02:52PM

I believe the major issue is the lack of help for mentally ill young people. A writer above said parents often refuse help for their children, but as a mother of 2 young adults with some serious issues, I can tell you that once your children turn 18 years old there is NOTHING you can do to get help for your child if they do not want the help. Our response as a nation is reactionary rather than preventive. This MUST be addressed!

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Posted by: munchybotaz ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 03:13PM

So he's probably seen a lot of terrible things happen to other people's kids. I only thought it was interesting that he was so quick to talk to the press. They said right up front that he was Mormon, and I couldn't help wondering if he'd had some encouragement from some opportunistic-thinking individual or organization. Then again, maybe the reporters were hounding people in spite of all the pleas not to.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 03:16PM

Yes, the Parkers are LDS. They belong to the Newtown ward of the Yorktown, NY Stake. Hey, during his talk used on CNN last night the building was right there.

Again, if TSCC would help reduce overall depression by dropping tea and coffee from the WoW, the remaining need can be better met for mental health. TSCC is already dropping the claim that tea and coffee are bad for health and relying on the reason for abstaining as simply a matter of obedience.

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 06:53PM

Your statement is inaccurate according to my doctors and my experience. Do you have any data to support this or is it simply your desire that it be true?

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Posted by: anonough ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 06:23PM

Rebeckah, I don't know what that person is referring to either. Maybe very mild depression?
My father has bi-polar disorder with depression/anxiety components that wouldn't be helped one bit with coffee or tea.

I can find any kind of supportive study to prop up a claim usually. I mean, you can spend an hour researching Obama's birth certificate leaving your head hurting.

The coffee and tea benifit would have to be on a case to case basis. Totally subjective.

Sometimes I think that the phychiatric community should create a depression spectrum clasification because there are so many variables and variations of depression itself.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 09:22PM

I was NOT referring to Bi-polar. Bi-polar is not the same as just depression. The effect of coffee is NOT a subjective study but one done on many thousands. they were not based on treatment but on the effect on likelihood of depression. It is not coincidental that it relates, also, to a reduction of diabetes. If Utahns drank coffee at the rate of the rest of the country, Utah would not be leading the country in depression. If you eliminate the extra cases of depression, the amount of mental health efforts in Utah would be more effective. I personally know a bunch of people who take prozac and other drugs who could do without if they drank coffee and cut down on sugar. Simple.

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Posted by: anonough ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 10:08PM

Actually the depression component in bi-polar IS the same as far as the brain chemistry being considered. And I can tell you this. Low blood sugar has nothing to do with that.

Look up the top 5 causes of depression and you will not find and hypoglysemic connection whatsoever.

If you have a Yale study that backs your claim that low blood sugar is the cause for MOST depression, and it's peer reviewed, post it.

I know individuals that underwent ECT therapy for depression that had long term depression and were suicidal. I HIGHLY doubt a candy bar washed down with a cup of coffee would of done the trick.

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Posted by: anonough ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 10:13PM

Man that sounded snarky. Sorry about that. Just a bit passionate about mental illness.

But really, if you have legitimate info that's reliable and peer reviewed, please link it?

Thankyou. I'm always willing to learn something new.

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 03:43PM

Honestly, I think he talked to the press because he'd gotten so much love and support on the FB page that he felt he needed to say something back. Or maybe it just relieved some of his tragic burden to share his love and feelings with others. I watched his whole interview and didn't find it particularly Mormony, although he did use a few words other Mormons would recognize. Some people just feel better talking about things, talking about how much he loved his precious little girl. It wouldn't have been in my comfort level to even speak the words about my child being gone that soon. Last year my nephew died and it took me a week to even talk about it on FB, much less anywhere else. But everyone is different and it is important that each person work through things in there way, even if we don't understand their way. I hope he gets to the point where he can face his anger though because it's an important step to healing, even if he's not there yet.

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Posted by: ladybug ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 04:40PM

And honestly, the anger might come later.I have knowledge of a similar situation and it wasn't until months down the road that the anger appeared. I think it takes the mind/body awhile to process the event. There probably will be a whole range of feelings as time goes on..

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Posted by: truthseeker ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 05:38PM

I don't really feel the need to re-engage in this discussion since I summed up my feelings in the last post of the original thread on this topic. However, I just wanted to point out that apparently Mr. Parker gave at least two separate interviews, since some of the descriptions given above don't match up with what I saw ( I only saw one interview.)

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Posted by: Outcast ( )
Date: December 16, 2012 05:42PM

I fear the parents and school personnel will never "get over" this. Every December, the nightmares will return.

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Posted by: nonmo_1 ( )
Date: December 19, 2012 12:53PM

"I think what bothered me a little about hearing Robbie Parker's interview was that he seemed to want to be angry but felt he should not be angry. Robbie, it's ok to be angry at a time like this."

Is this the guy with the blond hair??? I agree with you.
It is be just mad as hell. I know I would be. It seems that mormons want you spending very little time on grieving and grief.

Since I never had to go through what he did, I can't say what i would do...I'd like to think that I would grieve...somewhat privately with close family and friends.

If grieving publically....on all the news, helps him and his family through the whole process, then more power to him.

I read someone's post here stating that other TBMs said that it was ok now with that young girl because she was with it's ok....How fvckin rude and uncaring..

E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E...has kids so that the kids will OUTLAST and live longer than the parents. That is the whole cycle of life. The Parkers had that cycle interrupted and completely changed...which is NOT RIGHT...And they should express themselves and grieve in whatever manner to help them get past this broken cycle.

They will most likely never feel "right" again...

My heart goes out to their family....

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Posted by: maczmo ( )
Date: December 20, 2012 02:23PM

"E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E...has kids so that the kids will OUTLAST and live longer than the parents. The Parkers had that cycle interrupted and completely changed...which is NOT RIGHT...And they should express themselves and grieve in whatever manner to help them get past this broken cycle.

They will most likely never feel "right" again..."

If the Parkers were married in an LDS Temple then thats just not true. They believe that their children are sealed to them for all time and eternity. That they will again be with Emilie as a family. Thats what gives them the strength to endure this interruption you referr to. To them its just an interupption, nothing permanent. For them, down the road life will resume with Emilie.

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Posted by: Tupperwhere ( )
Date: December 20, 2012 02:30PM

I agree, I think it's their LDS beliefs that have shaped their reaction to this entire thing. I post on another board that shall remain nameless because it has expressed some pretty harsh things about the Parkers. Particularly towards the dad and the way he has been speaking out since it happened.

I live in Ogden VERY near the funeral procession route. I've seen quite a few pink bows around my neighborhood today. It's sad of course but it makes me feel strange that TSCC is "promoting" this or however you want to say it. But the family does have a lot of community support otherwise which I think is nice considering. I would participate myself but it makes me too sad and I don't want to be part of the media frenzy. If I knew the family personally it would be different, but I don't.

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Posted by: mindlight ( )
Date: December 20, 2012 02:34PM

Ya sure, only if they keep paying

sounds right

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Posted by: thequestionable one ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 01:27PM

can anyone tell me what robbie parker did for a living before he moved to sandy hook just a few months before the incident? he was a pa from what I understand....but does anyone have any history prior?

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Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 05:38PM

He's a nurse practitioner or physician's assistant, as I recall.

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Posted by: moira ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 02:03PM

Someone posted a Deseret News article last night about a Jeff Benedict who went to the family home the night of the shooting. While reading the article, this paragraph jumped out at me:

"When Checketts reached the Parker home, Robbie asked him to lead his family in prayer. While praying, Checketts FELT IMPRESSED (emphasis mine) to say that Robbie would deal with his grief by speaking publicly about the tragedy, and that he would emerge as a powerful voice for compassion and peace."

Another example of Mormons not being allowed to say no. If this jerk had not "felt impressed" to even bring up the idea of Mr. Parker speaking publicly, do you really think he would have? The day after the shooting? Asshole.

Here is a link to the original article:

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2013 04:01PM by moira.

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Posted by: Exmo Mom ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 03:27PM

There you go.

In Mormonism, I find lots of Mormons accept whatever other Mormons tell them, without blinking an eye. Especially if it's in a prayer or blessing. So common.

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Posted by: Exmo Mom ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 03:31PM

The D News article says Dave Checketts, the former chairman of Madison Square Garden and the New York Knicks who is currently CEO of Legends Hospitality, had left his New Canaan, Conn home on Fri. morning to his Park Avenue office to prepare for a weekend business trip to Dallas for Sunday's Cowboys-Steelers game.

Going to the game if it's part of your job, or providing hospitality at Sunday games are fine for some Mormons, but just going to a game for recreation on a Sunday is totally eee-vil.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 05:55PM

Checketts? Read about him in my bio.

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Posted by: Ex wife and no more Mormon ( )
Date: January 17, 2013 07:58PM

Any mental illness I had left when my husband walked out the door

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Posted by: MOMof5 ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 04:25PM

I have personally dealt with depression, and it is NOT something that can be healed or prevented by consumption of tea or coffee. How ridiculous to assume that we can fix a mental problem with a physical remedy!

Yes, we need better mental health in our country & especially in our homes. My only question is: how are we going to differentiate between the people who "truly" need help and the people who need attention???

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: February 12, 2013 06:00PM

MOST depression is caused by low blood sugar. That is affected by Coffee. Yes, most depression is treatable without health professionals. I learned about this from the psychology department at Yale. Note that the school of medicine at Yale believes low blood sugar does not exist. Besides coffee, you can treat depression by avoiding sugar. Of course TSCC prohibits coffee and fills the members with sugar!

I learned this while being in the Connecticut General Assembly and having the blood sugar problem and depression. Since then I have noted the relationship in clients as well as family.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2013 06:02PM by rhgc.

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