This is the first personal thread I have started, but I have been on the board a couple months. Just wanted to share the good news!

Just got off the phone with my mom, who knows I am an apostate and has officially known since I got engaged to my longtime nevermo boyfriend over 11 years ago. She occasionally confides in me now and complains about church. I try to preserve that relationship and don't attack the church too much to her, basically we agree to disagree and that having a good relationship is more important than arguing about who is right. This is a big change from a horrible childhood, particularly my teenage years, and it has taken many years of hard work on my part to overcome some of the things that happened, if any of you have paid attention to the tidbits I have shared here and there.

Anyway, she and I are both enrolling in college to begin in January, and we have helped and encouraged each other to do this, and we have been in touch a lot more. She called me to talk about college stuff and told me that she and my step-dad are going to have to confront my youngest brother tonight about his lack of participation in early morning seminary(he is a Senior and either intentionally sleeps in or goes and signs in to seminary and then sleeps on the couch in the foyer.) All of us kids were required to go to Seminary, and she is determined that he will be no exception. He is 18 and the only leverage that she has over him is the use of her car and the cell she pays for. I felt very fortunate to be the person she was confiding in at that moment. I told her that her (strained at times) relationship with her son was more important than making sure every one of her kids followed the rules, and to give herself a break. She was talking about his poor seminary teacher and how she works so hard. And I asked if this teacher was paid, and she is not(I was pretty sure of this, but asked the question just to see what Mom would say.) My mom taught seminary for a year, and was paid for the mileage she had to drive to get there, she was paid about $300 that year. She also told me that she thinks she was released from that position because it cost too much. $300 for a year. Geez. Anyway, she also told me in this same conversation that one of my brothers, in his second year of college, doesn't go, and she can't make him, etc. I was thrilled to hear that, I have always been pretty close to this brother, I took care of him a lot when he was a baby. I would love to call him and let him know I am here for him if he has any questions or needs my support, but I don't know for sure if he still believes and just isn't going, or if he is really heading down apostate alley. Any advice on what I should do? I don't want to scare him away with "anti-" talk if he is still a believer or is not ready, but I want him to know I am here as a lifeline.

So here are the stats for all of my seminary-attending, raised TBM siblings:
1st daughter: Confirmed apostate, remarried with kids
2nd daughter(me): Confirmed apostate, married with kids
3rd daughter: TBM, married RM with kids
1st son:active, RM, converted his gf. Still wears garmies(got a bunch of them for Christmas from my parents?!?!) but is chill about doing things on Sunday, tells my DH to go ahead and order a beer in restaurants. So I don't think he can be called TBM, maybe buffet or NOM? no kids yet
2nd son:inactive, unconfirmed apostate
4th daughter: confirmed apostate turned fundie Christian
3rd son:inactive who did not go on his mission(he's almost 20)
4th son: future inactive, fighting going to seminary

Both parents are still active, but have changed a lot in the last 10 years. They are now far more accepting of the choices that we all have made in our lives and recognize the value in us apostates. I don't mean to say that TBM sis doesn't get special treatment, she totally does. But it is impossible for my mom not to recognize what great families us apostates have and how happy we are vs. TBM sister. Hopefully someday those stats will get even better...
I was the first to leave the church, when I left my parents' house, and I would like to think I paved the way for my sibs to know that there is life outside the Mormon church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/04/2011 08:56PM by piper.

good job. I've always maintained coming out is like a Harvey Milk kind of thing.

The more role models out there, the more paths to plot your own course. You have done a great service to your siblings, nieces and nephews. And possible your parents.

Oh, of course, it's not their fault, it's just that the world is so much more evil blah blah blah...

But you might remind your mother that forcing people to be righteous was Lucifer's plan.

Call your inactive brother and catch up with him, and what's going on in his life. I wouldn't "probe" him for answers. If he is going down the apostate road, he will probably bring it up. Maybe you could mention "Poor 4th son, he doesn't want to go to that boring ass seminary, but Mom is trying to force him..." His response will probably tell you where his mind is. I'm jealous of you. I've been out since 1987, and none of my sibs are even inactive(a few nephews and nieces have followed).

Thanks guys! I texted him today to see how he was doing, he is excited to start his new semester, etc.

On another note, I found the "pedants" threads very funny. We had many of those rules, I swear my mom made up a new rule every week. My older sister and I were only allowed to move one hip at a time while dancing(try THAT at home, lol) "whatever" became a bad word.

I think when parents make a million tiny and stupid rules instead of teaching their children and letting them make their own choices, the kids will eventually rebel against the stupidity. My parents totally shot themselves in the foot with that, in my opinion. :)