So yesterday I attended me grandpa's funeral. He was a patriarch and pretty hard-core TBM, so the services were of course very Mormon-esque. Still, I couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed when the speakers would talk about all these wonderful things he's done (fought in World War ll, raised 4 great kids, started a barber business, etc.), and then go on to say "but most importantly, he was a strong believer in the church who paid an honest tithe and gave many patriarchal blessings and spread the gospel."

So what are your thoughts about Mormon funerals?

i wouldn't be caught dead at one

You had better go to their funerals, or else they won't come to yours!

Too much preaching. Often, the deceased was not temple-married, so much of that plan-of-salvation garbage would not apply to the dead person. My aunt specifically requested in her will that the plan of salvation must NOT be preached at her funeral. She and her husband did not believe in the temple, and most of their children were ex-Mormons. Since she had been a member of the same ward for 60 years, they held her funeral at the ward house. When the last speaker was talking, the Stake President slipped in the front side door, and up the steps to the stand. when the talk was over, he went to the pulpit and began his spiel about the plan of salvation. He was not on the program! My cousin stood up on the stand, and stomped down the aisle, all the way to the back, and slammed the door on his way out!

I have PTSD, big-time, and I can't go into a Mormon church without getting flashbacks, and becoming physically ill. I go to the viewings before the funerals, sign the guest register, give my condolences to the family, and send flowers or a sympathy card, depending on who it is. No one really notices that I'm not sitting in the congregation.

My burial expenses and family gravesites are all pre-paid, and I have instructions in my will I want a Christian burial. Not in a Mormon church, no Mormons presiding, preaching, or praying.

Even as a TBM, I felt like they were a sales pitch, designed to peddle a religion to those in mourning and to take advantage of their grief. We had some horrifically tragic deaths in the past three years, a young man died in a car accident, a dad and son drowned, a sudden cancer death of a man (father, grandfather, husband), and then some of the standard ones. It's been too many in that short time. Each one felt directed more at preaching than comforting. Sick.

I don't like them at all. They feel like fast and testimony meeting. I have never attended a non-LDS funeral though. The closest thing was a celebration of life after someone who was Catholic had passed.

I'm probably being dense here but is this for real?

I've never been to a lds funeral, do they really not allow family members to speak unless they are TBM? Is it really mire doctrine focused than person focused? I'm confused :/

No, he's not a real stake president, but he uses legitimate LDS sources to make his points. And while some active mormons may disagree with him (or his method), many of us exmos have experienced the very things he talks about.

I am supposed to be at one this morning. I just cannot do it.
I don't know if ill ever be able to attend one at churchco. The thought of having to listen to the sales pitch and being surrounded by mos makes my skin crawl.
I was a funeral director for a few years- thought I would be immune to these things. . Nope.

The worst funeral I have ever been to was my father's Plan of Salvation Fest. I was caught off guard not having been to a Mormon Funeral for some thirty years and I had forgotten.

The best funeral was for my boss who died too young after imparting way too many bad jokes and making people laugh anyway. No religion, we just gave him a five minute standing ovation complete with cheering. It was very moving.

I hope my funeral follows along this line of celebration.

one of my parents has terminal cancer...

they don't know how i feel... yet. will be interesting.

I am sorry to hear that.
My mom died last month suddenly. I had done a couple of things ahead of time that helped me deal with the demands of the TBM siblings at the time I was overcome with grief.

When she was about 80 but still in good health, I started a file with pictures I liked of her, histories that had been written by grandkids, a life sketch that had ben done by a volunteer, birth certificate,poems, baby book etc.

I was able to provide the funeral home with a good B&W picture and wasn't scrambling for one at the last minute.
One sibling wanted to do "together Again" Obit pic and program pic with both mom & dad. I said no way. My mom was an individual in her own right and had accomplished a lot before she was married. She should have her own picture.

I vetoed a primary song by grandkids. My children don't know the latest primary songs, besides my mother enjoyed relief society much more than primary. We had a musical number instead.

I designed the funeral program the way I wanted it and took it to the printer.
The day before the funeral I barricaded myself in the study and spent the day writing her eulogy with the sources I had collected.

One reason I think mormon funerals are so boring is that TBM speakers default to "church speak" because they don't take the time to do some research on the deceased.

My comments were the most complete ones of her life. Grandkids learned things about her they didn't know.

If you plan ahead a little and stay in control of what is happening and have good suggestions at the funeral planning time it will help in keeping it from being too mormon preachy.

Thanks for letting me rant on about this. I am missing my mom today.

I am sorry for your upcoming lose. Good luck.

Embarrassing.

When I was a TBM a local high school teacher, also a venerable TBM, unfortunately passed away in her 40's. She was well like in the city of 200,000. Probably close to 1000 people came to the LDS Chapel - many many nonmembers were present.

I looked closely at about three rows of fellow teachers. The looks on their faces were priceless as the funeral program proceeded. Particularly when the microphone was opened up for about 15 minutes for anyone in the audience to express their condolences. Who do you think came up? (it was sort of like a FAT meeting). All the crazies, especially people who barely knew her. The SP finally had to ask one lady to sit down, who was going on about her testimony and love for the profit joseph. Priceless.

I was a member of the Church for ~30 years. Never in all the wards I was a member of were any funerals held. Nobody died!

My ex-wife traveled to Ontario for her uncle's funeral. He has been a District President, but he did not have an LDS funeral because he died of AIDS. He was excommunicated when he announced his HIV status. His funeral was at an LDS chapel, but without full LDS rights - no temple robes, etc. A non-member friend was allowed to speak. He definitely didn't speak on the Plan of Salvation.

My mission president and his wife died within a few months of each other this year and I went to both funerals. Surprisingly they were both celebrations of each parents life. All the kids spoke and told of fond memories of their parents. The plan of salvation crap was held to a bare minimum.

On the other hand, I've been to a few funerals for my TBM aunt's family. They were all 3 hour fast and testimony meetings, only with several musical numbers by people with no talent. The problem I have with mormon funerals is that a lot of people are under the mistaken assumption that quantity of content somehow correlates with quality of content.

I want my funeral to be short and sweet - "yup, he's dead, so move on. Now drinks will be served at the back of the room."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2012 12:24PM by bezoar.

Both my parents were TBM but at their funerals it was about them. There was some general preaching, but not as much as I've heard at some other family funerals. Dad and Mom were loved inside and outside the church so there was fair number of non-mo's at both services. Some of the funerals I've been at for Mo family members are hard to sit through though.

Ron Burr

When my uncle died a few years ago I spoke at his kolobian funeral. This dude had a pretty rough childhood. His mom was hardcore TBM, his dad was an atheist 33rd degree mason (yes, they talk about the Great Architect of the Universe but that's deism, not theism).

He "came back" to the fold a couple years before he died. He even got endowed. Then he killed himself with alcohol leaving las vegas style. I didn't blame him. He spent his whole life being labeled as a rebellious apostate. Then when he finally gave in and returned to the fold he realized it was all culty nonsense. So he killed himself.

At his kolobian funeral I spoke and said my uncle's "biggest problem was that he was told his whole life by his family that he just didn't 'get it' when all along he was the one who saw things for how there were." I looked at his nevermo son when I said it and he was absolutely glowing. Afterwards he told me how much he appreciated that and was sick of hearing about the kolobian church and how it could have saved his father.

A few family members got really upset at me for dishonoring their religion in their own chapel and I told them that they dishonored my uncle by pretending their church could have saved him when it was the reason he drank himself to death. That was the last time I ever spoke with those folks. It was great.

In conclusion: kolobian funerals suck balls.

Hell yeah...

+1000

When my dear dad died, I was sort of the more responsible one of the TBM children to handle everything. When the non-mo funeral home brought dad's casket into the chapel, and opened the casket, I immediately observed that his suit had been replaced with the temple clothing. Apparently the high priest leadership, under direction of my aging mother, swapped his suit the pilsbury dough boy outfit after the viewing the night before. Yikes.

Unfortunately his bakers hat came off during transit, and was just laying there to the side of his head. It was fine, but oh no, the SP had to have it back on in full pillsbury attire. He motioned for me to come forward to the casket just before the actual funeral began. The chapel was so full, especially people from my no-mo office.

Because I wasn't thinking correctly, and to be obediant to the SP, I arose and walked to the casket. I tried desparetly to place the hat back on but it wouldn't stay. To my horror, as I lifted his head up, and tried to apply the elastic around the circumference of his head, the elastic snapped off in rubber band like ejection, slapping his head back into the casket making a loud thud. I thought, "OMG, I am desecrating my own dad...this is nonsense..all for a stupid baker hat."

I then heard an audible gasp from people in the pews who were witnessing this 3-stooges like event unfold. I looked up. Everyone was staring at me in utter horror. I couldn't get the elastic to stretch all the way around. It was like a bad dream. I was getting make up all over my suit and white shirt. Beads of sweat began to pour over me. I finally said, "the hell with it." The SP walked away, the dumb ass that he was.


So yeah, mormon funerals are like a bad dream.

Like God would give a sh!t.

I am so sorry. That is truly horrible :(

I went to one for an aunt. The only people who seemed emotionally involved at all were my aunts siblings (she was the only one who stayed in the church long term, the others went more protestant routes). My dad cried when he said her brief eulogy and his brother was so beside himself he could not speak at all.

The church members just sort of sat around like they had something else they'd rather do. I was struck by how cheap and bare bones the building was, I thought it was bc this was in a poor area of the south but I later learned that all the buildings look like pre fabs inside... There weren't even any flowers.

My brother and I were horrified at the blasphemous lyrics in the hymns they sang. I don't remember if they talked the plan of salvation, I was too upset from my dad crying.

The whole funeral was nothing like the protestant funerals I've been to. With those, there's tons of flowers, everyone feels sad and talks at great length about the deceased and then afterwards there's a huge sad/happy party where everyone eats tons of fried chicken etc and remembers the one who died. It's all very personal.

sorry, that was supposed to go at the bottom. That's what I get for no logging in, can't edit

A good friend of mine had been baptised about 3 years before he passed on. He was Jewish, and a number of his Jewish family and friends came to the ward building for the LDS funeral.

The former SP was asked by the widow to speak. I thought it was a bad idea, as the SP had spoken at a number of funerals with mixed to bad results.

I pulled him aside before the service, and pointed out that there were a lot of Jewish family there (many of whom I knew), and that he should go easy on them.

"Oh no," he said. "This will probably be the only chance that these folks will be exposed to the Plan of Salvation, so I am really going to give it to them." He spoke for 45 minutes.

Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

Funerals are such a racket...I've worked in the industry and the costs/markup/profit margin are beyond ridiculous. At least mormon funerals are comparatively cheap. Plus, I hear the potatoes are delicious to the taste.

No funeral for me...I've made it very clear to family members that my preference is the bare minimum to keep it legal. Do the paperwork, burn my corpse and I don't care what's done with the ashes.

Piss me off post-mortem and I WILL haunt you.

At my grandmother's funeral last year the Stake Pres closed with a wonderful thought that he could feel her spirit in the room...he could sense it with his uncanny super duper spiritual powers. He did it with the whole far-away gaze in his eyes looking toward the back wall of the chapel.

That was a definite sign to me that he could NOT see my grandma's spirit and identify it....she HATED the man. He would have seen her giving him the bird if she made an appearance.

Gotta love the supernatural testimonies of the wana be Mediums and Crystal Ball Readers in the LDS church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2012 04:58PM by upsidedown.

Maybe he meant that he could feel her fingers closing around his throat. The faraway look was because he was about to pass out.

Why should "I" care about who comes to my funeral or what they say.

I'm dead. I'm past all that funeral crap, hopefully astral-zooming to some place where I can enjoy death in all it's mystery & excitement.

Never MO wife and I were just discussing this topic: Option 1, a funeral wearing a baker's suit and hat. Option 2, give away all useful organs and tissues, cremate me, take the ashes to my favorite place, wait for the conflict later. The conclusion: I have to record and notarize my last wishes on paper.

Wasn't even a Mormon funeral, but when my grandfather passed away a couple years back, the pastor (some strain of Baptist, I think?) definitely made a point of selling how important it was that my grandpa had accepted Jesus as his savior during his struggle with cancer. It seemed such a crummy thing to do, proselytizing.

Fortunately, family members (only my folks being Mormons) didn't harp on the same stuff.

I kind of want to get a will and such sorted out just so nobody I know has to deal with a funeral having any religious connections whatever.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2012 02:58AM by hexalm.

You guys have been using a term I am unfamiliar with. What does TBM mean? I am an ex-mormon and recently went to my aunts funeral. So I wondered if there was anything that was ritual or if it was unique to her funeral. It was not too bad but odd in many ways to me. I was hoping that one of you had a similar situation, but it doesn't seem like any of you did. For me there was the guys in the suits up front, and they stood there with their arms crossed and looked down at me with most unpleasant faces. My LDS family may have shared with them that I left the church so that was my opinion about their faces. I am a Christian so no too worried about what they think. I just wondered if any of you had that stare from the pulpit.

TBM means True Believing Mormon I believe.

I've only been to 1 Mormon funeral which was for my husbands aunt.
What stood out to me was how her Home Teacher from many years before talked. She basically talked about how whenever she would go to her home to visit, how clean and tidy her home was.
I just thought it was so superficial, no talk about who the actual person was, her personality, her individualism, just that her home appeared clean and well taken care of.