This has been presented on several forums and is a good introduction to the damaging characteristics of Mormonism:

The abuse within Mormonism is based on their canonized scriptures. Below is a list that enumerates behaviors that define domestic abuse [which] is augmented by direct quotes from TSCC leaders and from the scriptures. It is a sad commentary that Mormonism does not need any input from outside to stand condemned. The leaders of the TSCC condemn themselves on an almost daily basis. [This] list of quotes is by no means complete and would stretch to many pages if all relevant scriptures, conference talks, etc were used. I am sure other postmos could fill in many of the gaps with personal experience and quotes.

http://www.domesticabuseshelter.org/images/wpe6.jpg

 
Abuse in Mormonism

Using Isolation

- Controlling what she or he does, who she/he sees and talks to, what she/he reads, where she/he goes

o "Teaching some things that are true, prematurely or at the wrong time, can invite sorrow and heartbreak instead of the joy intended to accompany learning.... The scriptures teach emphatically that we must give milk before meat. The Lord made it very clear that some things are to be taught selectively and some things are to be given only to those who are worthy." Boyd K. Packer

o "Some things that are true are not very useful." Boyd K. Packer

o "Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?" Temple Recommend Question

o "I have told many groups of young people that they should not postpone their marriage until they have acquired all of their education ambitions. I have told tens of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires. Marriage is basically for the family, and when people have found their proper companions there should be no long delay. They should live together normally and let the children come." Spencer W. Kimball

o "Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in heaven." Ezra Taft Benson

- Limiting her/his outside involvement

- Using jealousy to justify actions

o Exodus 20:5 "...for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me"

Minimizing Denying and Blaming

- Making light of the abuse and not taking her/his concerns about it seriously

- Saying the abuse didn't happen

Manifested by the trolls who come to this board claiming that no one ever suffered at the hand of Mormonism.

- Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

o Doctrine and Covenants 88: 35 "That which breaketh a law, and abideth not by claw, but seeketh to become a law unto itself, and willeth to abide in sin, and altogether abideth in sin, cannot be sanctified by law, neither by mercy, justice, nor judgment. Therefore, they must remain filthy still."

- Saying she/he caused it

o Ezekiel 20: 13 "But the house of Israel rebelled against me in the wilderness: they walked not in my statutes, and they despised my judgments, which if a man do, he shall even live in them; and my sabbaths they greatly polluted: then I said, I would pour out my fury upon them in the wilderness, to consume them."

Using Children

- Making her/him feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Using visitation to harass her/him
- Threatening to take the children away

If you are not righteous you will not be with your family in the eternities. Your righteous spouse and children will be given to others.


Using Male/Female Privilege

- Treating her/him like a servant

o Doctrine and Covenants 132: 63 "But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified."

- Making all the big decisions

- Acting like the "master of the castle"

o Doctrine and Covenants 132: 54 "And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law."

o Doctrine and Covenants 132: 52 "And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God."

- Being the one to define men's and women's roles

Using Economic Abuse

- Preventing her/him from getting or keeping a job

o "The Lord clearly defined the roles of mothers and fathers in providing for and rearing a righteous posterity. In the beginning, Adam--not Eve--was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother's calling is in the home, not in the market place.

In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect their wives to go out of the home and work even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job be is able secure may not be ideal and family budgeting will have to be tighter." Ezra Taft Benson

o "Women are to take care of the family--the Lord has so stated--to be an assistant to the husband, to work with him, but not to earn the living, except in unusual circumstances. Men ought to be men indeed and earn the living under normal circumstances" Spencer W. Kimball

- Making her/him ask for money

o Acts 4: 32 "And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common."

- Giving her/him an allowance

- Taking her/his money

o Malachi 3: 10 "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. 11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts."

o "You and each of you covenant and promise before God, angels, and these witnesses at this altar, that you do accept the law of consecration as contained in this, the book of Doctrine and Covenants [he displays the book], in that you do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion." Endowment Ceremony

- Not letting her/him know about or have access to family income

The leaders in Mormonism not being open in the least about financial matters.

Using Coercion and Threats

- Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her/him

o 2 Peter 3:10 "But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up."

o Psalm 68:2 "...as wax melteth before the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God."

- Threatening to leave her/him, to commit suicide, to report her/him to welfare

o Alma 36: 30 "...inasmuch as ye will not keep the commandments of God ye shall be cut off from his presence."

- Making her/him drop charges

- Making her/him do illegal things

o 1 Samuel 15: 3 "Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass."

Using Intimidation

- Making her/him afraid by using looks, actions, gestures


o Ezekiel 5: 15 "...I shall execute judgments in thee in anger and in fury and in furious rebukes."

- Smashing things

- Destroying her/his property

The mythical destruction at the time of the universal deluge, the mythical destruction of cities in the Americas after Christs crucifixion. There are also the threats of destruction in the future and the threat of being burned (Malachi) for not paying tithing.

- Abusing pets

- Displaying weapons

Using Emotional Abuse

- Putting her/him down

- Making her/him feel bad about her- or himself

- Calling her/him names

- Making her/him think she's crazy

- Playing mind games

- Humiliating her/him

o Ezekiel 5: 8 "Therefore thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, am against thee, and will execute judgments in the midst of thee in the sight of the nations."

- Making her/him feel guilty

o 2 Nephi 9: 46 "...that ye may not shrink with awful fear; that ye may not remember your awful guilt in perfectness, and be constrained to exclaim: Holy, holy are thy judgments, O Lord God Almighty-but I know my guilt; I transgressed thy law, and my transgressions are mine; and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery."

The abuse model is practically cannonized in LDS scripture (and it's ironic that the scripture is meant to discourage abuse)

D & C somewhere (paraphrased as best I can):

'No power or influence [control] ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood,'

SURE, they shouldn't (wink wink)

Isn't the priesthood the "power to act in God's name". How much authoritative can you GET?

Elsewhere we learn that the man is the head of the household by virtue of being a man and having the priesthood. The woman should hearken to his counsel if he obeys God (remember the temple ceremony)? He has authority to recieve revelation for his family. Why not the wife? Is she unequal in the sight of God?

And the bishop is in charge of the ward, even the women's organization. The bishop has the power to make callings, ask nosey questions and judge worthiness to enter the temple. Why can't women control their OWN organization? Because he has the PRIESTHOOD and they don't. But does it REALLY take inspiration and priesthood power to run a women's organization? (Uh, no . . .because there is no actual magic priesthood power anyway . . . remember the story of the Emperor's new clothes)?


continuing:

'but only through longsuffering, love, yada yada yada. But occassionally you need to tell someone off with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost. After that you need to show them extra love, or they might think you are their enemy.' (end paraphrase)'


Here's where the real abuse model comes in. So be patient and loving whenever possible, but if that doesn't work or if you feel strongly enough about it, then pull out the big guns like guilt, anger or threats. Your feelings are "the spirit" talking through you. Make sure the target knows you love them afterwards.

THAT'S the most abusive part of all . . . when you treat someone harshly and then try to convince them that you did it out of LOVE (or that you were just relaying the "spirit's" message). Then they think that's the way people who love them act. Thereafter, they know that you may talk nice at first, but the threat of you lashing out is there.


Why didn't the church just say "The priesthood is used to serve and bless others, not to judge, control or subjugate them, EVER". By saying men could correct others with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, JS gave the perfect authorization for spiritual abuse.

It's definitely not just the men that do this. My husband's TBM ex wife did all of those things to my husband, with the exception of preventing him from getting a job. She was happy to let him work, but she insisted that he hand over his paycheck because she claimed she was better at handling money. They later went through bankruptcy and foreclosure.

When my husband later decided to go back into the Army full time after a four year hiatus, she kicked him out of their home and started shacking up with her third victim, a man she met on the Internet playing Dungeons and Dragons. She told my husband he could come back if he sought counseling from a bishop for his supposed "porn problem" (which I have seen absolutely no evidence of in eight years of marriage). When he refused and got engaged to me, she married her third victim. He converted to Mormonism and she had two more kids with him, bringing her grand total to five kids with three different men.

After their divorce, my husband's money problems were mostly over, but ex turned his daughters against him. He hasn't seen either of them in years. Both of them believe he's an evil apostate because he quit the church and remarried.

I think she would have done this even if Mormonism weren't involved, but Mormonism sure didn't help. I would say it aided and abetted in her campaign to destroy their family.

This thread made my gutsick when I read it earlier. It reminded me of how I felt 3.5 years ago when formally resigning from Mormondumb was a healthy choice for me. And doing that helped me get strong enough a year later to end the abusive relationship I had been in for five years.

My life is totally different now--healthy--and I scarcely remember the beatdown person I was. But somehow at the same time this thread also made me hurt for everyone who is still in an abusive relationship of any kind.