I only had one very thorough discussion with my mom telling her of my discoveries. I was very direct and clear. I also said I didn't want her or my dad talking to me about the church or trying to reconvert me.

Maybe I have no right telling someone what they can discuss with me.

Anyway, my mom is going through the genealogy stuff and she keeps bringing me journals and papers from our ancestors. Of course it all revolves around the church. She starts reading me one of my
Ancestors conversion stories. In the middle I said "I have to go" and I drove off.

I know that was rude but I feel so disrespected. I go to great lengths to keep my mouth shut and not say insults toward the church. And she doesn't make any effort. All she talks about is church.

I feel like this whole geneaology thing is just a ploy to help me regain my testimony. Because this way she's talking about my ancestors and their stories.

As she was reading the conversion story, it took all of my will power not to say "Those these are the people to
Blame for all of this!"

Well, I'm just feeling really upset.
It sucks that reading about where I came from has to be saturated with church stuff.

How do any of you deal with hearing stories of ancestors and stuff?

I've finally gotten far enough past it all to be fascinated by the history. I'm proud of my unique heritage, even though I chose not to continue with it.

I'm not surprised it would trigger this anger, however. Your mother is dealing with this with very few tools on her side. She's probably devastated by your enlightenment. That doesn't mean you have to put up with this though.

Can you write her a note and tell her that you are afraid this will come between you unless the two of you can find some common ground to build a relationship? Ancestors' testimonies sure don't count for common ground.

Maybe reassuring her that you still love her and want a relationship will help her get past her angst. If not, maybe it's time for a cooling off period. I went a few years avoiding my birth family and it did help.

I think a note is a good idea. A very sweet note.

I think that the key is to realize that whatever made sense to an ancestor in the 1800's doesn't necessarily need to make sense to you today. They weren't working with the level of information that you have available to you now. Different people, different times, different choices.

However since leaving Mormonism is still new and raw for you, it may take quite a bit of time to emotionally distance yourself from the choices your family made in the distant past. I would just tell your mom that you are not able to take an interest in geneolgy at present, but that may change at some point in the future.

Unless one wants to completely ignore the history of one's family, the Mormon part has to be acknowledged and accepted. That doesn't mean, of course, that one admires or condones or even agrees with what they did and how they led their lives.

I have ancestors that walked across the plains to Utah and others that helped build Nauvoo, that mortgaged their home in Logan to help finance the building of the Logan temple. They were good, sincere, and honest people, and I am proud of them, and I like to think I inhererited some of their good qualities.

My TBM father used to remind me of my "heritage" that I was abandoning. I would tell him that it was no different from what my Mormon convert ancestors had done: they abandoned their religious heritage as Methodists and Catholics and Lutherans to follow what they thought was true.

I had a phone conversation last week with one of my TBM brothers, who is very much interested in genealogy, and I was able to share with him information I had learned about one of our distant ancestors whose father was a devout Quaker and who was disowned because she married a non-Quaker. (This was before there WAS Mormonism.)

So, find some interesting life histories of your NON-Mormon ancestors, and share them with your mother.

"In the middle I said "I have to go" and I drove off."

I think you did exactly the right thing - not that you were rude. Possibly the only thing to do a little better next time would be to try to politely & assertively deflect it one or two times before leaving.

"Mom I don't want to discuss religion with you in any form, not even indirectly."

"Mom, it is important for our relationship with we don't discuss this and focus on things we have in common."

Or you could even be a little more aggressive - Mom if you want to spend 1 hour of having me look at your side of religious things then I expect you to spend 1 hour with me looking at my side of things - do you want to make this deal?

Good luck!

"I have nothing at all against our ancestors, except for that part where they all drank whatever the 19th c. version of Kool-Aid was and then did THE DUMBEST SINGLE THING IN HISTORY by joining the Mormon church! I'm sure if you dig deeper - MUCH deeper - you'll find LOTS and LOTS more interesting stories to tell about the ancestors! Thanksluvyabye!"

My own parents were the ones who drank the Kool-Aid in my family. I'm actually writing a trashy bodice-ripper based on my grandparents' marriage. I'm sure my mother will $#!t bricks if it ever gets published. LOL!

"That's great, Mom, where was So and So born, and what about his folks?" Push the genealogy and not the religion. Heathens have ancestors too.

"June 29, 1869.
Dear Diary, we was hornswaggled!! But here we are, stuck out in the Utah Territory. I wish I'd ne'er heard o' Joe Smith & his whatnot--I surely wish I could find a way outta this tarnation, but I owe a wagonload o' ever'thing I grow t' ol' Brigham, an' I'll ne'er work it off. If'n my dee-send-ants e'er read this diary, I hope they can git out & tell the world about this flim-flammery of a ree-lijion"

Oh how I would love if my mom came across something like that!

And thanks for the advice everyone. I definitely need to learn to separate my emotions from it.

Not just genealogy but normal church chit chat in general. I will be surrounded by TBMs for the rest of my life so I just have to learn to deal...

Unless someone wants to take in me and my two kids and save us from our Mormon hell?

No? Okay. Doesn't hurt to ask. ;)

My nevermo Mom did a bunch of genealogy as a hobby. She found that one of my ancestors was a farmer who was killed by his own bull; another was hanged for stealing a horse. I stay away from livestock.

Another, in colonial times "was driven from the village and his cottage burned by order of the Council." Dunno his offense.

I still am interested in genealogy, BUT

The LDS parts were already well covered and documented by my grandmother and such. So, I've focused on and researched my Never-mo Civil War veteran ancestor from Kentucky and the French Catholic privateer who made his way to America during the revolution, or the apostate Mormon who kept heading west after arriving in Utah and eventually made a small fortune in the California gold rush (and then lost it) but whose story was interestingly glossed over in grandma's previous collections of genealogy info and stories. I've found that there are a lot of interesting stories that were ignored or glossed over in favor of the Mormon stories and I like figuring them out.

I guess, when a family member starts going on about the Mormon conversion stories and such, I tend to try to redirect things by bringing up the Other stories.

Find the genealogy of those mormon converts, and then show her the stories of those who were involved in religion. If you get lucky, you will find one who was a minister in a protestant church or active in the Catholic Church. Ask her how he would feel knowing that his descendants left his religion and converted to one that called his religion the whore of the earth.

I can tell you one thing........where you came from before 1830 was a helluva lot longer and probably harder than where you have come from since. IF the trials and testimonies of your ancestors should bear weight - or should I say guilt you into your testimony ( according to your Mother) don't you owe it to the thousands of years of ancestors' testimonies, not just the fly by night last few generations of mormons? Really, mormon history, American history are mere paragraphs in a much longer story of human experience and family.

My family is a who's who of clergy in England and Scotland, going back to the 1500's which is as far back as I have been able to research thus far. My great-great-great uncle was Charles Darwin's vicar in Downe. I take more after Darwin!