I'm frustrated right now. Go ahead and feel free to move to a different thread if you don't want to deal with my griping right now :).

I was hanging with my mom yesterday and we stopped by a neighbors house. While my mom was talking to one neighbor, I saw an elderly neighbor that I like and hadn't seen for awhile.

I decided to go up and give her a hug and a hello. I was talking to her and initially she was pleasant. She asked how I was doing and how my health issues were. Mom joined part way through the conversation.

We chatted for a little while longer and I was ready to move on. I knew the inevitable was coming....church talk. I was right, it did. Elderly neighbor started talking about church and how she had just read this great article in the ensign, from Holland, a out other churches. She was gushing. I was standing uncomfortably and said, "it was so nice to see you, hopefully I'll see you again soon."

I turned to walk away while mom said her goodbyes. In the background I heard elderly neighbor say to my mom, "she used to be such a nice girl.." I turned and made eye contact with my mom, she knew I heard. She ended the conversation quickly and we moved on with our day.

I tried to let it not bother me. I was determined to let it roll off my back. It festered all night long. Honestly I hear this or similar statements often. "We miss you," "you had such a sweet spirit," "blah blah blah."

I love Utah, it will always be my home. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the desert. But it is so hard living where I grew up. It is so hard hearing the people who watched me grow up, people that I do care about, saying hurtful things.

I can't move yet, the plan is in action. But right now I just have to deal. People wonder why I've become such a hermit, what happened to that fun, bubbly girl? I'm still here, but Sometimes the outside world is too much right now.

Sorry and thank you if you've read this far. I'm usually able to handle this @#$%&, but I've been on edge with the happenings of life lately.

So sorry to hear that you have to handle this on top of everything else.

(((( hugs ))))

Wonder what happened to turn her into a passive/aggressive sharp tonged old biddy.

+1,000,000!

Ok, this comment was too good not to give it some props.

How rude to say that within your hearing. It shows you just how fake they are. She was nice to your face and then turns around and shows her true colours.

It's programmed in. They can't help it. They have no clue what they are saying and how stupid and hurtful they can be.

By the way, what is your secret sin that caused you to leave?

That last line was meant as a joke.

The appropriate response would have been: And you used to be such a nice old lady, what the hell happened to turn you into an old biddy?

I'm sorry that you have to endure trash talk like that. One possible response that would work -- (to your mother, loudly, as she returned to you,) "She doesn't get out much, does she?" or to someone who says that you used to have a sweet spirit, "You don't get out much, do you?" I also like, "You're looking in a mirror." I think that you should find a way to let neighbors and friends know that their comments are unacceptable. Otherwise those comments can wear you down.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2012 08:43AM by summer.

Thank you everyone. I just really needed to vent. It doesn't usually bother me, I can ignore it because I care about them. Mormonism is such a part of all their lives and the programming is so deep with them. There are still some neighbors who are genuinely sweet, they don't bother me with church things or say hurtful things.

YOu're not alone--I've been on the receiving end of such remarks.

Geez, folks--I'm still nice . . . .LOL

Seriously! The act like you have grown three heads, horns, and a forked tongue. The funny thing is that most people only think I am inactive and going down a 'wrong path' right now.

Only my mom and one of my neighbors knows about my full apostate exmo status.

It's a possibility, but I would say its highly unlikely. They are some of our best friends. He just got baptized for his wife and he wishes he didn't. He told my husband and I there were things he learned that he wishes he would have known before.

Fidget, dont you know that when you abandon the church standards then you start smoking? and then that only leads to drinking, which leads to partys, which leads to arguments, which lead to fights, which lead to murder, and BAM! your in prison. Should have followed the prophet! lol.

She's still such a nice girl, you ol' biddy -- she's just more honest now!

Nobody I currently know thinks I was EVER such a nice girl :P
They say I have mellowed with time now

:)

Where are you wanting to head to when you get out of there, fidgie?

And you are, of course, Satan incarnated... but you're still super NICE, at least ;)

Hahahaha thanks.

I'm heading wherever grad school will take me. My top pick is Seattle, but it's a tough program to get into.

So not only has this person failed to realize that people outside of morg are nice, but proves that most inside are not...not only was the comment hurtful to you, but it likely hurt your mother as well.

I guess I've been out too long.

I seriously think I would have whipped around on her and asked, right in her face, "What part of that conversation we just had wasn't nice? In what ways was I just now NOT nice to you?"

What happened? "Having to deal with people like you" would be my response. HUGS

dk - this is my favorite response. If someone had said that about my daughter, I would have said in a very firm voice "She is STILL a nice girl. She just doesn't like having to deal with people like you."

If someone to a swipe at my daughter like that, I would take them out. Even if my daughter were strangling kittens for a living, no one better say anything rude about her in my hearing EVER!!

no longer a girl, but a (gasp) woman?

Mormonism is full of "nice girls" who are constantly bickering, back-biting, and snitching. And some of these "nice girls" are over 70.

The last time I saw my TBM sister, who as 67 at the time, she put on the wispy "little girl voice" and said "all my life I have tried to be a good big sister to you, sigh." I was so shocked by a 250 pound, 67 year old women talking like she was 3, that I was speechless.

And the purpose of the conversation was the fact that she had robbed the family trust of at least quarter of a million dollars -- a family trust started by my never-mo father to prevent such betrayals. ( and he hated Mormonism, having been scammed by one too many TBM relatives on my mother's side)

When directly confronted with her actions, my sister yelled "I didn't do that" like a toddler caught breaking a vase. The trail of documents proved otherwise and the court followed suit.

The is a dark humor in all of this and a profound sorrow. What a waste of potential in all women to spend and end your days as "nice girls" and "sweet spirits." It is mind boggling.

Yes I am a woman now and that is one of the things that had always driven me crazy in Mormonism. Boys become men early on, but women will always be girls.

I'm sorry about your family situation :(

Thanks, all the legal dust has settled, so I can talk freely about the situation.

My profound sorrow is not just about her betrayal, but the loss of who she was and who she could have been. She had a lot of talent and potential as a child and young woman. She got sucked into the Mormon world and all that energy became repressed and twisted. What a waste.

fidget Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yes I am a woman now and that is one of the things
> that had always driven me crazy in Mormonism. Boys
> become men early on, but women will always be
> girls.
**************************************************************************
Excellent insight, Fidge!

Or females.

:: ducking and running ::

But I'm using this post to point out something this nevermo has noticed in many mormon/ exmormon women. They apologize for taking up time and space. Men rarely do this. Of course its easy to see how being second class citizen in the church caused this. I wanted to point it out so young women would look at themselves and change.

There are interesting studies where when women were perceived as doing most of the talking by BOTH men and women, that the tape showed men to be doing most of the talking. Our society just perceives it this way because we have longthought women should defer to men.

Your Mom should set this woman straight. When my niece stopped attending church her own grandmother said "We must remember that she is still a nice person". Indoctrination is evil.