My answer ended up embedded in the thread instead of at the bottom--my bad--so I'm reposting it here:

That is a difficult question. Here is the approximate timeline:

1-11 years I believed TSCC was true, but inside, something kept gnawing at me, a voice that said, "What if it isn't?" During this time I took out my endowments as a "dreaded single adult" (RIP, Deenie!) and I eventually married in the temple, age 30.

Next 5 years or so I believed the church was true--it was the Mormon culture that frustrated me. The voice that said, "What if it isn't?" remained.

Next 5 years or so I was angry that the church was true, and I felt trapped. The voice that said, "What if it isn't?" grew.

Next three years or so I decided to take a break from church so that I wouldn't be angry all the time. The voice that said, "What if it isn't?" grew some more.

Then...and I'm not sure what prompted it...I decided I needed to stop being a fence sitter and figure out if I wanted to go back or not. My nomo friends had always said, "But you're so smart. How could you be a Mormon?" I decided to see if I could find out how Mormon intellectuals handled the "cultural" aspects of Mormonism. I googled Steve Benson's name and found RFM. That was about 12 or 13 years ago.

I devoured everything I could read. Stayed up much of many nights reading. Couldn't get enough. Tried to put the pieces together. The voice inside changed from "I believe the church is true; but what if it isn't?" to "I believe the church is false, but what if it's true?"

My mom died. A friend's dad died. I experienced the death process for both on a very personal level. The experiences extinguished the "what if it's true?" voice. I knew the church was false.

I decided not to return. Was afraid to join any other church. Explored many others. Eventually settled in a new place of Christian worship (go ahead and flame me; it was my choice); the experiences I had with death left me more strongly believing in God, more spiritual than before, and at the same time, less religious.

I began to fight for my kids to no longer attend TSCC. I won.

I didn't resign until almost two years ago. Someone posted on RFM that email resignations wouldn't work. I decided to try anyway. I emailed Greg Dodge and received a response via email. I posted my success on RFM and the other board.

Thirty four years after I'd joined, I finally admitted to my dad that I wasn't a Mormon any more. He cried with joy. We talked about it often after that. He died in March, after a 10 year battle with cancer. I was with him his last ten days, through much of the death process. Yes, I believe in God more than ever, and I am now even less religious than I was six months ago.

I wish my dad had been able to walk me down the aisle when I married. But one of my fondest memories is of me walking him up the aisle to communion, holding his hand to stable him, on the last day he was able to attend church.

Today I am a happy Methodist, though I am still more spiritual than religious. I like the Methodist inclusiveness and their emphasis on social justice. My congregation has a good youth group--that is big on service and community and social justice and having fun. I like our choir. We have good potlucks. The Sunday message is one of love.

I am okay with big ideas in the Bible, but I am not a literalist. I believe love wins. I think too many of today's Christians put far too much emphasis on the law instead of a gospel of love. I abhor legalism. I am a member of the Christian Left.

I kept my doubts secret from my husband, and from my parents, for many years. If I have regrets, the first is that I did not share my disbelief with my husband in baby steps, as I was taking them. We have grown apart and the elephant in the living room is spilling beyond the walls. My second regret is that I never told my parents that they were right.


How long did I last? For me, leaving Mormonism was a process--a long process. A scary process. A heartwrenching process. I envy those who have an instant deconversion--we've heard of several on the board recently. I followed A-muzing Grace's story some years ago intently, because it was so different than mine, so sudden, so complete, and because she and her husband and family left together. My heart smiles when I read stories like that.

That's how it was for me. Thanks for asking.

thanks for the response. I am always curious to see how long people who convert later in life last in the church.

I guess I am pretty lucky because I stopped going pretty quickly took me only 9 months to stop attending. and my family and friends were so happy to get me back. I am glad I found this site it has really helped me.