My daughter just turned 12 and had her YW interview.

I was against her going but apparently I'm the crazy one for thinking something is wrong with an older man alone with my 12 year old daughter behind closed doors. The wife thinks its perfectly ok and took her to the church.

When she got home I asked her how the interview went. She responded by asking me what masturbation is?

I'm still waiting for the bishop to call me back. I'm sure he knows how pissed off I am by the phone message i left on his voice mail.

Good on you for ripping him a new one!

I. Would. Be. So. Pissed.

Livid.

How did your wife respond?

Just out of curiosity - did you talk to your wife about it? Is she still cool with it, even after your daughter revealed what the bishop talked to her about?

Edit-It looks like a few of us asked the same question.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 05:48PM by absolutelyunsure.

Did you not know this was coming? Why did you let her go?

Could we just be nice and supportive and not make him feel any worse than he already does? It's not always someone's choice when the other parent is involved.

Be proactive. I think he knew this was a possibility. I will not be nice when it comes to child abuse. Be the parent, be proactive and not depend on your TBM spouse to think clearly about this. Who suffered the consequence of this? The child. You be nice, stick up for children who have no power or voice in the church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 08:17PM by Samantha Baker.

No more bishop interviews without a parent present -- preferably you. Write your bishop and SP to that effect, and give instructions to your daughter that she is never again to interview without you as long as she's as minor.

++

How 'bout no more bishop's interviews EVER. No adult should be discussing sexual matters with a kid. This is nauseating. I hope your daughter is okay, and I'm glad that she knew she could come home and talk to her parents about this.

Uh...

Do you ever read one of those posts that make you want to punch a whole through a brick wall???


THIS IS ONE OF THOSE. Seriously... dont let him get away with it!!!

And as a father, I just keep thinking of my own daughter, even though she's only two.

Don't let the bastards get away with it!

Jesus H. Christ and the donkey!

You have more problems, IMNSHO, than that asshat bish. Time to have a serious discussion with the wife. What she believes is her biz, but putting your young daughter behind closed doors with an adult male unrelated to her and letting the asshat ask about masturbations is unconscionable in my book. What was your wife thinking?

I am so pissed for your daughter and for you for your wife doing this.

I just can't believe it that a member of the church that most likely believes that sex ed should not happen in school, where it would be better dealt with (hopefully, depending on the teacher who instructs it), uses his "authority" to bring up this subject BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, one-on-one with a young girl. I just shake me head at the utter incredulity of actions of so-called leaders of the morg.

I'm so sorry about what happened. I hope your daughter will be OK and I hope you'll get your wife to see how atrociously the bishop behaved.

Yeah, that definatly gave me baad vibes when the bish asked me if I viewed any pornography or do any masturbating..

I never knew bishops interviewed any young girls. I thought that sort of thing was stricktly for the male 'priesthood holders' standard.

Call your Social Services/Child Protective Services and report exactly what your 12 yr old daughter said to you.

Give them the "clergy's" name and phone nymber (aka bishop pervert). Tell them how you are shocked and that you want this investigated.

Can you imagine when bishop pervert tells them it IS STANDARD CHURCH POLICY for a grown man to ask this of a child??? (make or female) This is sick and should be stopped!

this is NOT OK!!!!!!

I like that idea. Even schools wouldn't dream of discussing sexual issues with a minor (i.e in a sex-ed class) without a parent's express permission to do so.

I was an adult convert so I was completely unaware of those "worthiness" interviews between a bishop and young girls. When I did become aware, I didn't understand that "worthiness" primarily revolved around whether a child masturbated.

Finally reading about the interviews from first-hand sources on RfM sent me into orbit. I pulled my 3 girls out of Young Women and our whole family left the church overnight (I had been sitting on the fence mentally for about a year).

I'm a former child/adolescent counselor, and I'm here to tell you this practice is abusive! I cannot BELIEVE that the morg is so stupid that they haven't stopped the sexual questioning of children behind closed doors. Don't they realize that some idiot Bishop is going to get arrested or sued VERY PUBLICLY for this kind of behavior?

Every kid needs to feel safe. Every kid has a right to set their own personal boundaries. No kid needs to be shamed for something so normal.

;o)

And what does it teach kids about their right to boundaries or the lack of them when parents send them in to these interview?!?!

It messes you up! Believe me. Been there, done that.

When my branch president asked me if I masturbated, I had never heard that word before. I decided that since I didn't know what it meant, I must not be doing it, so I told him I didn't. But it was obviously a bad thing that I should have known about (else why would he ask me about it?), so I didn't want to let on that I didn't know what it was. What would I do if I found out I actually was doing it? A lie is okay as long as I don't know it's a lie, right?

I didn't. I also learned what masturbation was from my bishop. He explained it to our Seminary class when I was a sophomore in high school. Probably at least a third of us were totally clueless.

This bishop was later excommunicated.

I can see how a 12 year old young lady may not. I didn't know that girls could do it too until I was older like 16 or 17. So glad I didn't raise my son with this bullshit.

I didn't know what the heck that was the first time they asked me either, but I was 17. LOL

And even if they do it, they may not know the term for it.

As a parent in the morg, you then get to explain what the term means and at the same time reinforce that it is an ok question for an adult to ask you! I HATE THE CULT!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 06:45PM by Samantha Baker.

I also didn't know what it was. And the bishop very briefly explained.

Needless to say, I was mortified.

A member of the clergy shouldn't be giving a child new ideas. About sex.

Teaching a 12 year old to have no boundaries when alone with an adult male is called "grooming" in the regular world.

We are all wondering about your wife's reaction?????????


Anagrammy

+100

And this is yet another reason why i resigned. It's sick and makes me so angry!

Hope to hear an update!

I'm having trouble getting my head around this one...
Since when do they ask a 12 year old GIRL this question? If this is real, and a BIG part of me is hoping it isn't, I would absolutely call the press, church headquarters and I would USE it as evidence that the church is a bad, bad thing

Girls have worthiness interviews too even though they're not being ordained to anything.

Yes I know. I was active in the church from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I was *never* asked about masturbation until I was in college.

Who knows? Maybe for everyone else they aren't. I can only speak from my experience

I didn't join the church until I was 16, which means that my bishops bent the rules a little bit for me. They didn't want to scare me off by asking anything too personal and assumed that since I knew it was inappropriate behavior, I'd let them know if there were a problem with it. The only thing they asked was if I was having any chastity problems, which I happily took to mean "are you having any kind of sex with anybody," and just never brought up the fact that yes, I did masturbate and yes, I did enjoy it.

I was interviewed at age 14 before being able to get a temple recommend and travel with the ward youth to Ogden for baptisms for the dead.

The pr*ck, er, bishop asked me if I was morally clean. As I was about to answer, he said "by that, I mean are you in the habit of touching your private parts or letting boys touch your private parts".

I blushed furiously, was utterly mortified (I was 14 - I'd necked and been petted to 1st base).

I lied, of course, but that "interview" still makes me feel like I was violated in some way. I didn't tell my parents about the specific questions because I was ashamed for having lied, embarrassed at what was asked, and because he was the bishop - Mr. Priesthood Authority - I had no idea what he'd done was really 'wrong'.

Edited to add: this was in 1983.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 07:26PM by frogdogs.

Yeah, if you bathe, etc.

You & I seem to have very different definitions of first base.

Perhaps - for me and friends we thought it was touching boobies.

2nd base was hand down the pants.

We thought 3rd base was the same as going 'all the way'.

What can I say - we weren't that familiar with baseball or even softball.

Edited to add: aren't boobies "private parts"?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 07:46PM by frogdogs.

But I never used those baseball terms, so I have no idea.

Me, too. Circa 1970's. In my mileu, 1st base was kissing. 2nd base was touching boobies. 3rd base was manual stimulation of "down there" by both participants. Home run was intercourse. I dunno what oral was. Never heard of it until I was in my very late teens. What a doof I was. Ha.

In any case, and by any definition, IMHO, what this adult male did to this female child with his questioning is WRONG and it should be brought into the light and STOPPED.

Just my tuppence.

First base is kissing.
Home run is sex.

2nd & 3rd base are more nebulous. Typically above the waist and below the waist. Also can be orgasm or not / naked or not.

(edited to read:) Feel like I may be hijacking thread, bowing respectfully out now



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 08:09PM by frogdogs.

LOL - no idea. Close but no cigar?

About right...

Frogdogs, your comment about how that interview still makes you feel like you were violated in some way reminds me of my own experience.

It was one of my first Bishop's interviews, probably to become a deacon, and he asked me if I masterbated. I said no. The creepy part is that he continued on telling me that it's ok to confess it to him because a lot of people do it, even he did it sometimes... in the past.. mumbling mumbling...

Again I said no, because I hadn't, but it kinda backfired and gave me the idea I should do it since the bishop himself told me its normal & a lot of people do it.

Creeepy. I still feel a little bit violated by that interview. I should have found that stuff out from my friends!!! haha

That happened nearly 30 years ago and but that interview comes to mind whenever I see him around or if his name ever comes up.

It is more than a little unsettling to look back and wonder if these bishops had any unchurchy, prurient interest in either asking the questions or "hoping" for a titillating little "confession".

Uck, hand me the barf bag.

Gross, and even worse.


I actually feel bad for the guy being stuck in a position that supposedly requires you to ask those types of questions.

Nah, they could still fib and *say* to their overlords they asked these questions. Who's going to tattle on them? God?

My bishop used to ask me this before temple trips....and this was in the early 90s.

I cannot fathom why parents allow this. It's sick and abusive.

Itzpapalotl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I cannot fathom why parents allow this. It's sick
> and abusive.


Me, either, and yes it most certainly is. As an adult convert, I had NO idea this went on with kids. It sickens me to know now.

Yeah I am interested to know whether girls are asked this. I always thought they were not allowed to. I bet he crossed a line.

As a 15year old that was the first question they asked. But it was 1965. I thought I HAD TO TELL HIM. I was guilted out for a lifetime about anything sexually remote. Questions as a divorcee about my boyfriend, petting, graphic and explicit information was wanted. Because I was brainwashed I told them all my PRIVATE AND PERSONAL SEXUAL DETAILS. Dirty perverts, lapped it up. SICK SICK SICK. Call the child authorities now. I know their are countless women who are still brainwashed into talking about their intimate lives then feeling mentally raped. It has to STOP.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 07:45PM by freenow.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 07:38PM by frogdogs.

+10

Some people might think calling CPS is extreme,
but this IS SEXUAL GROOMING BEHAVIOR.

Let's just be honest and call it what it is, 'K?

This is a situation where:
#1. A 12 year old female/male CHILD is isolated,
BEHIND CLOSED doors, with an OLDER ADULT MALE!!

#2. 99% likely, this ADULT MALE. who is interviewing a MINOR CHILD,
has not had a background check to rule out that he is not a sex offender/ predator.

#3. Ask yourself, would you EVER even consider letting your minor child's
school teacher, baseball/soccer coach, or
principal interview your child,
unsupervised, and behind closed doors?
What if that adult asked hour child about masturbation or other things of a sexual nature?

If it was me, I would immediately go to the police.
Why should we give church leaders a pass?
Just because they are Mormon , it does not exempt them from being pedophiles!!!!!
This is CRIMINAL SEXUAL GROOMING BEHAVIOR, parents.


Wake the hell up!!!!

That Right there is a recipe for , at the very least, sexual harassment.
At the worst: Sexual abuse.

It says very clearly in the CHI that bishops are to adapt the interview to the maturity of the youth and that they are not to bring up anything new to the young person.

If you are going to allow your children to continue in the church I agree completely with the recommendations to never let a minor child be alone with any Bishop for a worthiness interview. These types of questions are borderline abuse. It just kills me that the church makes our kids feel guilty for something that is completely natural and assumes that at the age of 12 all of a sudden all kids are no longer innocent. Uggh!

Let him have it. That is emotional child abuse. That is beyond belief. Poor kid. I have a grandson who is going to go thru all that and you best believe I am telling my convert daughter how appalled I am that she would allow such a thing.Of course he is quite young and my hope they will all be out by that time.

Bishops have their nerve. Definitely report back what his comments are from your telephone message. And I am not at all suprised some said to call CPS. I think it is time that you save this girl. And what does your dear wife think of all this? And one more thing...anagrammy is right...bringing this topic up to her is called "grooming". Outrageous that these men feel they can do this. They must be sexually repressed. I would never allow my daughter near him again.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2012 07:30PM by honestone.

And did Mitt ask the same question to young girls? Oh boy could this stir up the media.

Isnt this the EXACT situation that Chris Hansen from NBC Dateline To Catch a Predator announces when the cameras come in??

If you live outside of Utah call the police. If you live in Utah, call the FBI, and mention Mitt Romneys name.

Do anything you can to get the most publicity out of this.

You now have a Testimony meeting topic. Stand up like a man and tell them how its going to be and why.

Good one!!!!

I was a convert, and as an adult, never faced questions like this.


So imagine my surprise when I found RfM, and found out what happened when my son was behind closed doors having those infamous "worthiness" interviews!


Yes, he confirmed with me just recently that the Bishop asked him this -- though he doesn't remember the question till he was older, around 15 or 16, he told me.


He was old enough to know what it meant, and to lie about it.


He didn't think it was worth mentioning to me, till I asked him about it a few weeks ago.

for kids that do know what it is, they'll be way too embarrased to talk to their parents about it, or mention how up close and personal the questions are. Except in my case, my parents would have supported asking questions like that 100%, cause they were very anti-masturbation.

I am female and was first asked about masturbation at age 13 by a bishop in a private interview. Two of my sisters were not asked. So it does happen sometimes. I told my mom about this when I was 36. She had no idea. She was furious. Reprehensible, guilt inducing destructive practice.