Posted by:
PapaKen
(
)
Date: July 30, 2012 03:04PM
1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
The REAL 1. I welcome folks who are already believing Christians. They're MUCH easier to fool than atheists.
2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.
The REAL 2. I have no idea why any person is punished by God. But I welcome anyone who feels guilty when s/he falls short of "perfection," which should be everyone I know of.
3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
The REAL 3. If I say salvation comes by both "grace" AND "works" - no one will ever know for sure which it is. And they'll spend lifetimes trying to figure it out, giving me more time to collect their money.
4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
The REAL 4. Faith - the whole reason I can sleep at night.
5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.
The REAL 5. This will strike FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt) in the hearts of folks who think their religion is the only true one. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that ..... priesthood authority.
6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
The REAL 6. This'll hook Bible scholars, even if I decide to change some of it. "Prophetic Privilege" - I like to call it "Divine Inspiration" - is a wonderful thing.
7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
The REAL 7. As long as they believe this stuff, I have them fooled. If they ask for proof, I just have to say "not here, not now, have faith."
8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
The REAL 8. This will keep them studying, and they'll have no time to find out that they're both bunk.
9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
The REAL 9. As prophet, I can change my story whenever it's convenient.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
The REAL 10. These prophecies are solidly locked in. There's no date, so no one will ever be able to prove them false. And who knows? - maybe they ARE true.
11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
The REAL 11. You can go to hell if you want to. I still have the only true church.
12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
The REAL 12. "We" meaning my followers. As a prophet, I don't have to. HA! I AM the law.
13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.
The REAL 13. Again, "we" refers to my followers. I'm exempt from all of this, except that I DO hope you'll buy my story, and I DO seek after "lovely" young "things."