My wife, who posted here in the past was adopted and just found her biological family, no thanks to LDS Social Services. She received her DNA results via email this morning and it was one of the most exciting moments of her life. She did the test with her ½ sister.

The part that just thoroughly disgusted me though was that LDS Social Services changed my wife's birth date and birth weight on her birth certificate. This I am guessing so she couldn’t find her birth mom and vise-versa. My wife told her adoptive mom that lds ss has a history of changing information so discovery becomes much more difficult. My mother-in-law (TBM), said, “ lds ss wouldn’t do that because it’s against the law”.

My wife contacted, the “Big Hugs” guy, Troy Dunn for help. He said he couldn’t help if she went through lds ss because they change too much information. I thought, WTF?


Too, my wife’s biological family, specifically the grandpa, contacted lds ss to inform them that the birth mom had died of cancer and that her daughter should know. LDS SS told him they would contact her. They never did. He followed up to see if they did inform my wife. They said they did. LIARS, they never attempted nor cared if my wife was made aware of cancer in her familial history.

The grandpa said he wanted to keep my wife and raise her. He said the church coerced his daughter into giving the baby up for adoption. He was a convert of about 4 years when my wife was born. He said he wanted to tell the LDS church to go to hell. His wife thought the church could do no wrong and went with her daughter to Utah to have the baby. Luckily, a persistent cousin and my wife somehow connected on the internet.

Long story short, my wife posted on some site with information of where she was born and the year. Her cousin contacted her about a week ago. They and the rest of the family compared notes. Same color eyes, allergies and many other things were common. The Grandpa paid for the expensive DNA test and the rest is history.

But, for now I want to give the BIRD to lds ss. So if any of you brainwashed old people for the church are data mining this site, SCREW YOU AND THE CHURCH.

How great for your wife that she found her birth family and that they were looking for her too.

Sounds like this story needs to be made public so LDSS can get the publicity they deserve.

So does adoptive mom know what has transpired and what kind of excuses has she made for LDSSS?

Wishing your wife many new happy memories with her birth family.

Thanks for your comments. My mother-in-law made excuses in the beginning until we told her what Troy Dunn said and that my wife's birth family confirmed the same.

She was a bit reticent about the whole thing in the beginning and was very skeptical. She talked to a guy she knew who worked for the state of Utah and he seem to think it was a scam that this family contacted my wife regarding her being adopted. So naturally my MIL asked my wife a ton of questions thinking the whole scam thing.

She, MIL is very supportive now and is very cool about the whole thing. She is actually very opened minded about a lot of things but with other things regarding the church, I just scratch my head. Both FIL and MIL know we have resigned from the church and have not tried to shun us, which we think is quite amazing.

I'm crying. Joy for your wife. Pissed at TSCC. Thank you for sharing.

Thanks for your reply. My wife and I cried a lot this morning. A huge void has been filled in her life. Her birth family has been awesome. They said they always knew about my wife and thought about her often. The cousin said her grandpa cried when he found out they may have found my wife. He said to tell her he always loved her and wanted to keep her. It broke his heart that they gave her up.

I'm sorry for your wife's situation. Good news for her!

I'm an attorney and I've represented a young man whose girlfriend was encouraged to lie to him by LDS Social services so he would not file for paternity before she could give the baby up for adoption. I know they engage in shenanigans. My question does not challenge that they're dishonest.

But as an attorney who does adoptions, I don't understand what has made you believe they changed her birthdate and birth weight on the birth certificate. My impression is that this would be impossible for them to do because they have no control of the birth certificate.

The first birth certificate--the original one--is taken at the hospital with hospital staff as witnesses (maternity of a child is established by a witness to the birth while paternity is established by both the mom and dad declaring the father or in the alternative a court of law doing so). The doctor and hospital provide the birth date and birth weight and proof of maternity.

When the child is adopted through the court process, the court enters an order of adoption. The adoptive parents then take that order to the office of vital statistics to request a new birth certificate--the second one--which deletes the names of the natural parents and replaces their names as the parents. However, the office of vital statistics is only authorized to do so when having the adoption decree in front of them and can only change the name of the parents (and the child if the adoption court approved a name change). They can't change any of the facts surrounding the birth, neither the date, place, time, weight, sex, etc.

The adoption agency has nothing do with the birth certificate. It's always possible the clerk at the state office of vital statistics can make an error (incompetence being what it is). But no one involved in an adoption can influence or change anything on a birth certificate.

I'm curious if you've been lead to believe the process is different.

Cristina,

Thanks for your comments. My wife's birth family tells her she was born Dec. 1st. Her birth-date on the cert. is Dec. 18th.
The Birth weight was 2 lbs off. So if it wasn't LDS Social Services, it was the Mormon influence in UT that changed information on the cert. Further, my wife and and the birth family contacted Troy Dunn, the mormon guy on TV that connects adopted kids with the birth family, he said LDS Social services changes information and found it virtually impossible to connect those who have used them for adoption.

You're probably right that the facts were changed on the birth certificate on purpose. I did a quick google and found that it used to be legal to change facts at the time of adoption, even changing the place of birth to reflect where the new parents live if it was different so not to raise doubt about them being the real parents. And the birthdates were changed too. Each state had a process on what could be changed. The idea was to ensure there was no way to trace the truth.

I think that's very sad to be lied to about when you were born.

That would probably be why we now have such strict laws precluding any alteration of the facts and requiring disclosures of information be filed with the state under seal. The law now requires a report to be filed under seal with the office of vital statistics disclosing social and genetic information so that the adoptive parents and adoptee can know the conditions of why the natural parent gave up the child, what was going on socially, physically, health information about the family and the child, etc. The parent's name is not disclosed, but all the other information is required to be disclosed whenever the adoptive parents or child request it from the state.

It's a great thing that adoptees have so actively protested to get things changed. How sad to be lied to that way.

Thanks for the information. However,I too am pissed that lds ss told my wife's birth grandpa that they would inform my wife regarding the death of her birth mom due to cervical cancer. They did not contact us.

I'd be furious. Not knowing that sort of information can be a problem.

I'm not adopted, but I always wished I was!

I have a sister who adopted 4 children. The children were told they were adopted and the birth mother loved them enough to give them up. They were good parents & as far as I know none of the 4 children have the desire to find their birth family.

I don't know about other States, but Arizona passed a law for adopted children to find the birth family. There are people in Arizona who do the research. The birth family has to agree to the contact. Most have moved on with their lives, have other children, and don't want contact. LDS SS must give up the information to start the process.

Sorry took so long to respond to your comment. She did not have a bad life. Her adoptive parents are really good people for the most part. She is quite close to her adoptive mom. She was never really close to her adoptive dad. He is very controlling and a know it all. He has a doctorate in engineering and thinks his thoughts and so called wisdom are paramount to everyone's.

One time in my wife's younger years she wouldn't kneel next to the bed with the rest of the family for prayer, but in the door way. Dad thought it smart to grab her by the pony tail and drag her to the bed for prayer. My wife told me she said, "now we can really feel the fucking spirit!!" Lol, that was classic, not the hair pulling of course.

Okay that was kinda of abusive, but other than that she had a pretty good life. And by the way, we live in Arizona. Didn't know about that law.

You can hire a "court intermediary." Very inexpensive. They search the state records and contact the birth parent/parents to see if they want contact. If they do, then both parties are provided with contact information. LDS SS has no part in any of this process. If the birth parents/parents initially begin the process, then the child is notified. Must be over a certain age to start the process.

My brother in law's mom was adopted, she looked for her biological family but had a lot of difficulty as well.

She found out later that her birthday and birth certificate was altered. I'm not sure if it was through LDS SS though.. I'm not even sure if they've been around that long.

While difficult to screw with those records, it's not impossible. Unfortunately, when much of the state is "owned" by TSCC, you may get people willing to make such alterations "for the greater good."

I'm really glad that it worked out for your wife.

But, I would highly encourage, if you feel that these records were altered, you contact the press, and anyone who will listen, frankly. If this is common practice, LDS SS (hah, so fitting, for a whole different reason--my family's German, "SS" has a vastly different meaning) needs to be investigated for this behavior. I don't know who would do the investigating, but there has to be some governmental body out there that can look into that abuse. Tampering with records like this is *not* okay.

What a lovely, happy ending

As a single adult in utah, I remember our bish gathering all the single adults up and forcing us to watch a film from lds social services. Basically saying that if we found ourselves in an unfortunate situation, that we were to hand the child over to the church... no if's and's or but's about it. We were mostly in our late 20s and early 30s and the ward was full of young professionals capable of supporting a child solo... the vast majority of us were MORTIFIED by the showing of this video and everyone I talked to was like "well it wouldn't happen to ME but...... if it did....... no way in heck would I give my baby to the church"

Seconded on being mortified. I'm mortified *for* you, having to sit through that!

Anyone ever just up and walk out of one of those gatherings? I know, it's easy to say, from my outside perspective, that I would walk out. But being *in* the moment can be kind of like watching a train wreck. It's horrible but you want to stay and see where they're going with this. Honestly, in the moment, I'd probably stay, with my mouth wide open like a carp.

I worked with a girl many years ago who had placed a baby for adoption through LDSSS. She and her boyfriend were 18 when she got pregnant. They wanted to get married. Both sets of TBM parents and the bishop intervened very quickly. She said she felt like she had committed the greatest sin ever in the history of the world and the ONLY way she could repent was to give up the baby to a good LDS family who couldn't have a child of their own and for the boyfriend to prepare to leave on a mission as soon as he was 19. She knew she'd have no family support, emotionally or financially if she didn't. She was really beaten down and gave in.

Of course, 10 years later, when I knew her, she knew that they could have and should have told everyone to F-off. And she was still very TBM when I worked with her. They married after the boyfriend came home from his mission and had 3 other little girls--all of whom had reddish curly hair. But she was obsessed with her first daughter and would stop people on the street who had girls who would be about her age who had hair like her other daughters. She was sure that when the girl turned 18 she would find her. She said she would go crazy thinking that the girl might think her mother didn't want her and she just had to make sure that she knew the truth.

I lost contact with her and in fact, can't even remember her name. But I've always wondered what happened. That little girl would be in her 40s now.

Didn't TSCC just recently get out of the adoption business? It sounds like that's a good thing. Maybe they were pressured to get out due to issues like this.

No, they are very much still into it.

They don't do adoptions directly through lDS social services but use a different entity. They may have done this for legal reasons. Here is the link.

http://adoption.com/lds

They even have a live person now who will chat with you.

Thank God they did. Even as a TBM I really disliked all of LDS Family Services. I feel so bad for people who were hurt by TSCC. I'm also so happy for the OP's wife and cried when I read that the grandpa always wanted her.

From http://www.ldsliving.com/Church-Announces-New-Adoption-Policy/s/78193

Last June, LDS Family Services made a big change: they announced they would no longer be working as an adoption agency. In the press releases attendant the change, LDS Family Services promised that there would be a solution to provide greater adoption opportunities for LDS Families.

That solution was announced this morning.

In an video email sent out this morning to couples and families on the LDS Family Services registry, the agency announced a new era for LDS adoptions, specifically, a powerful partnership with the world's top adoption website, Adoption.com. This popular adoption site now has a section specific to LDS couples that you can visit at adoption.com/lds.

David McConkie, LDS Family Services adoption group manager, explains the gist of the new arrangement: "The Church has signed an agreement with Adoption.com where the Church, through LDS Family Services, will be able to have Adoption.com post profiles for eligible couples through the end of February 2016."

In other words, for the next year, LDS couples looking to adopt can use the Adoption.com website--a subscription that usually costs $199/month per family--and the Church will pick up the tab. Following the February 2016 date, members can still use the service, but at a substantial discount.

They are called confidential intermediaries. Google it. Very inexpensive and well worth the solid confirmation. Work directly with the courts of Az.

I am very happy for your wife and the fact that she now has the chance to reconnect with her biological family. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was four so I grew up knowing my biological mother, but not my biological father. Last year, biological father tracked me down after he found a message that I posted on an ancestry.com forum asking for infomation about him. Good luck to the both of you as you move forward.

My younger sister got pregnant at 17, living in Utah, and the father was an 18 year old TBM.
She was *heavily* pressured by everyone to give the baby up to LDSSS. Hounded daily.
One day she called me crying, and asked what she should do -- I was long out of the church by this time, but didn't know the "horror stories" with LDSSS.
"What do you want to do?" I asked.
"We want to get married and have the baby," she said.
"Then do that," I replied. "I'll help you, even if nobody else will."
"But they [meaning her bishop, my mom & stepdad, boyfriend's parents, and many more] won't let me," she cried, "they are all telling me I have to give it up to LDSSS for adoption."
"They're wrong," I said. "You get to choose what to do. Not them. I'll call and talk to mom," I offered.

So I called my mother. Explained that DS wanted to keep the child and get married. "But, the bishop has told us that such marriages never succeed, and that it will keep (boyfriend) from going on a mission, and that her only option is to give it up for adoption," she said.

I spent about 30 minutes convincing her that the LAW was on my sister's side, and that the bishop, while possibly well-meaning, didn't get to make the decision, and that mom should support what my sister wanted to do. She said she'd think about it.

Two days later she gave in and "allowed" (not that she had any legal say anyway) my sister to get married and keep the baby. I asked her later what changed her mind. "Talking to you, talking to (sister), and talking to the bishop," she said.
I asked what the bishop told her.
"He said (sister) had no choice, she had to give it up," she said. "I remembered you telling me the law said she did have a choice. I went with the law."

AFAIK, that's the only time my very TBM mother has EVER "defied" mormon authority.

Oh, and my sister's son is now a happy, healthy, smart, kind, outstanding young man, who grew up with his own mother, and was never a mormon. Double victory :)

Did you expect something truthful from a CULT founded no LIES by a CHILD MOLESTER?