My kid brother has been on his mission since mid-September. I have gotten 5 letters from him. I write every other day or so. He's in Colorado.

My cat died a couple weeks ago. My brother and I had raised these 2 cats since they were found in an abandoned box. One of them died a year and a half ago from a respiratory infection -- and he was my brother's cat. Mine died all of the sudden, apparently from a mosquito bite that transmitted some form of heartworm that can't be protected against...of course, he lived with my parents so I hadn't seen him in ages. But it'd be easier to deal with if I could talk to my brother, too.

Last week, I got an email from my dad that was basically a criticism on my way of life. He hates what I'm doing. He hates where I go to school, he hates that I'm applying to law school, and he thinks I'm living a life of sin. I called him in response and asked him to please not send such emails during finals, as it is kind of distracting. He got really, really mean. Like, it's times like that where I just don't understand how my brother and I are his progeny. I swear we're adopted (and on a side note, I'm very seriously considering changing my last name away from my father's. After this somewhat traumatic conversation, I want nothing to do with the man, including his name).

But it would have been nice to been able to call my brother and say, look, this is terrible, we shouldn't be treated this way!

The hockey season is underway, and I want him to be around the corner to play some shinny. It's effing cold -- we could have a drive-way rink like we did as kids. He taught me to keep my glove up in the net and I taught him how to trick the butterfly goalies. Why did he have to leave that?

I haven't seen him for almost 2 years exactly. I last saw him Christmas Day, 2008, right before I left for Ireland for an academic tournament. So partially it's my fault -- I didn't go to my parent's at all for christmas last year, as once again I went to Europe for break, but he SWORE he'd come to Boston before he got his mission call. But he didn't.

Sometimes I put my facebook statuses in Irish. He'd transliterate them into english and make fun of me. I was okay with it.

I guess I'm really just whining at this point, but it's the first time I've gone through the stress of finals (which isn't quite over yet) without a good-luck call from him. I'm about to make the biggest decision of my life, that is, where to go to law school (which school? USA, Canada, or UK? What program is more important? What the hell am I doing?) and he's not available to see through my BS and help. And this isn't fair.

At the same time, the rest of my family seems to be celebrating his absence. I don't understand it. I mean, I don't really get along with the rest of my family, so maybe there's some hidden agenda there that I don't know about, but why would you be happy that he's not allowed to normally communicate?

My older brother came back from his mission totally changed, and not in a good way. I don't want that to happen to the awesome person that is (was?) my little brother.


Sorry for the lame-ass post. It's late and I can't sleep and I really just wish I could call him and have someone to talk to.

I sounds like you and he have a connection still. You could email this post to him or put it on your face book (In Irish :-)

Let him know you are missing him.... Betcha he is missing you too!

I don't have anything helpful to say, so I'll just say I'm thinking of you. It's a bright morning in Salzburg after a week of snow. It snowed this morning too, but then the sun came out. It's still below zero though, so I don't suppose the snow will melt. We could probably have a driveway rink here.

I'm tired of shovelling snow.

I'm thinking of your visit to Ireland and the few days you spend with us. What a wonderful guest you were, interesting to talk to and a pleasure to have in the house.

I'm sorry your father can't see these special qualities in you. And I'm sorry your brother being pulled away from you. Let's hope he sees through it all in a relatively short time.

Just thinking of you. Take care and good luck on those finals!

I'd offer you a HUG, because you need it.

As far as your father, let me politely suggest that for now, anyway (this can be changed), you write him off, block his e-mails, block his phone number, but first tell him that he has one chance to apologize to you before you block him completely out of your life.

*HUG*

well you know!~ :)...what a tool your dad is! mad at you for going to...well...where you are going??!! any other dad would be SO proud!! AND LAW SCHOOL??? mad at that? can ya get in where you are at? and dont forget your gavel when ya go to law school!! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2010 11:12AM by bignevermo.

I hear ya regarding your jerk non-father. Mine is equally abusive. He's trying to get me to drop out of school right now. That's great that you're going to change your surname. I personally decided to keep mine as only an ethnic/cultural signifier.

She never once congratulated her on all her accomplishments. She wanted her to be an everyday secretary. Barbra finally made peace with it, and decided that she would just continue on being successful. I also had a mother, and a father, who would put me down for anything I tried. I carried the pain for years, until I realized that I'd have to be my own advocate.

You're vulnerable, in some ways, being so young, and not having your brother around. But you're doing a fabulous job navigating so many hurdles. Keep having faith in yourself. I SO sorry about your cat. Hugs.

P.S. Maybe your landlord would let you have a cat.

We're proud of you Puck! We're proud that you would spend some of your increasingly constrained free time with us. We very much enjoy your clarity of thought and sparkling intelligence.
I bet your brother secretly treasures your letters, but can't write back more frequently for fear of exposure.

As for where to go to school, come to Penn! It's a great place!
I'd avoid the Uk right now, because there are so many cuts. My friend is having to leave University of Edinborough in her 5th year - her degree unfinished because of program cuts. They (her professors) even refused to help her find an internship, because they said she mustn't compete with them. Her degree is in Art.

I understand from my peers at Cambridge, things are tougher, but not so drastic. They are getting some research funding, but not as much as our groups in the US. (Don't know anyone at Oxford, so can't comment about it), but another friend, a professor, just left University of Newcastle to take up a post at a Uni in Luxembourg because there wasn't enough funding for decent research.

As for Canada, I have friends at U.B.C. and McGill and University of Waterloo. All are happy and prosperous and doing interesting research.

Carol, thanks for the story about Barbra Streisand. Not only do I ADORE "the way we were" but she's pretty awesome overall. So good to know some background.

My roommate has a dog, a fun black lab. I don't think I could ever get a cat again -- my cat was perfect and no one could live up to that.


Michael, I called a good friend of mine, who's a theology and philosophy major, after that conversation with my father, to ask if it was morally permissible for me to be upset. My friend responded that "if stupid were gold, your dad would be in fort knox." And then he told me to be angry. I'm not, really -- I was for like a day, but now I'm just sad.

síóg, cád-e tá ar salzburg? cá mhéad a sneáctá? scriobh le mé!
[how is salzburg? how much snow? write me! (bostona4@yahoo.com)]

bignevermo, I shall not be staying in the fine confines this side of the charles, unfortunately. I don't have the LSAT for it. I honestly don't know where I'll end up.

elfling, I know a number of people who have gone to school for and worked in the legal field in the UK, and they're fine, so I'm hoping it kinda stays that way. Creative and research fields are always squeezed, but law sticks around forever.
I'm not applying to Penn, as much as I'd love to stay in the ivy league, Penn tends to focus on tax law and business law and it's just not my thing. But it is a great place, you're right!


thanks for the replies, guys. I appreciate it.

accept a hug?

Good luck.

heh, sorry michael. sure and thanks. :-)

puck Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> heh, sorry michael. sure and thanks. :-)


Then here's a hug.


*HUG*

Puck, you haven't got a Dad. You have a man who fathered you, but you do not have a Dad.

No Dad would treat his daughter like your Father treated you.

He is an idiot. Who thinks everything wrong is the fault of someone else, never him.

The job of a dad is to proclaim to the entire world that his ivy-league educated daughter is PERFECT! An angel! A princess! The future CEO/President/Supreme Court Justice/Queen of the World!

Because, well, Puck, you ARE perfect. And you are among friends who are perfectly willing to say so. ;-)

You know, California has some really fine law schools. Distance can be a good thing.