I was in the church for only a year so i don't know about these things in detail. A girl from church emailed me because it was rumored that i had issues with the way women are treated in the church and that was why i left, which is true. I emailed her back and said that yes, i feel the way the church treats/ has treated women, gays, trans people, and minorities is immoral and proves it is not true and i'd be happy to discuss it with her respectfully.

Since then another ysa girl has called asking to 'meet with me about the church,' yet the original girl never responded. How much are these things planned behind the scenes? Are there traps to get people back in? Should i not even be having these conversations because they are just trying to manipulate me?

Then I learned how to offend them effectively.

They plot and plan and scheme and all of it is for the sole purpose of manipulating you into going into their spiderweb and staying there.

Don't let them waste your time "meeting with you about the church."

Looks like they tried making you their "project".

But often, assinged friends don't follow through.

They most definitely do. It's a waste of time. Don't meet with any faithful LDS member unless they were a friend before you joined, family member, or someone who was otherwise close to you. These people are doing nothing more than trying to reclaim you. They have no intentions of resolving your (rightful) doubts, except with a veneer.

Each Sunday the Bishop has meetings at set times with all the leaders of the Ward. They will discuss everything from who needs dinners taken to their families due to illness, to how to help the struggling apostates like you.

Whatever age and gender you are, they will assign the appropriate group, such as the Relief Society, Primary, Elders, High Priests, Young Men or Young Women, to "fellowship" you.

From there, the leader of the assigned group will meet with their counselors, or sometimes with the entire group during Sunday meetings, to discuss what the hell to do with you. They'll try to get the person who thinks they have a relationship with you to "help." But if nobody knows you they'll just assign someone.

That person's job is to contact you and figure out what your problem is, to be super nice to you, and try to get you to come back. That person will return and report to the leader, and then the leader will report back to the Bishop and possibly find another "friend" for you.

One reason the first person never called you back is because she told her leader what you said and the leader decided someone else was more appropriate to love bomb you. It could be because someone else has had the same concerns as you and has learned to deal with them and remain faithful in the church.

No...uh...it's not a cult...now if you'll just give them your money and your unquestioning loyalty, you can have eternal life.

You explained the entire process perfectly

Well put Korihor...

That's what we call "Ward Council."

Exactly. Often the person might be assigned as a home teacher as well and they'll choose a person who has some non-church interest similar to yours. I have that going on right now where the guy has an interest/hobby similar to mine. He emails me periodically and asks how things are going with that hobby, then tosses in current church events in hopes of enticing me to attend one. He fakes like he's a friend, but in reality he isn't close since he never stops by. I'm pretty close to telling him to leave me alone, because I hate the friendship facade, but so far I take the approach of ignoring his emails and then deleting them.

After the fourth spontaneous visit (no one does that around here), I realized he was coming once a month, last 3 days of the month, like clockwork.

The next month he brought his nice wife, and they invited us to dinner at their house with friends. I was so shocked I said yes, and then I had to write them a note declining and telling them that their overt Mormonism made me uncomfortable.

It was one of the most creepy social experiences of my adult life. I live 1000 miles from Utah and hadn't attended church for 30 years previously, although they'd come for me here before. I finally sent my resignation letter.

This planning can include a list of assigned friends and other tactics usually called "fellowshipping" or lovebombing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2012 10:53AM by Cheryl.

Yes, unfortunately.

When I was in young women we baked pies for the apostates (we referred to them as "Special"). Everyone signed up to deliver one of the pies. I signed up to deliver the pie for a woman with young children who lived on the same road as me in Southern California.

We went to her apartment and when I told her who I was and that I had a pie for her, she snapped at me and asked "why". I didn't really know what to say, I just told her "because you're special."

The next Sunday, she was back in church with her young children and was still there by the time I left. I feel guilty for that, but I realize it was all part of being a member of the church. I only hope that woman came to her senses again and left the church.

So did that make you an apiestate?

I have no doubts about the church anymore, i know i was brainwashed andhat it is inarguably all a hoax. But i feel bad about being rude, and much more importantly, if i can plant the seeds of the truth about the cult in someone's mind, i feel i should so they can have a chance at freedom. Is this a bad idea? Does this ever work?

It depends completely on the ward and the leaders in the ward.

One of the major things discussed in many ward councils is how to reactivate people and to make plans of how to do so.

Most wards don't ever get around to doing much more than assign a home teacher / visiting teacher and maybe drop by for a visit. Sometimes you get the more zealous people though.

One of our brilliant ideas for a drifting young convert was to get the other youth to chat him up at school. They would report back and we would plan accordingly. He saw through it and told his dad we were hassling him. End of contact....oopsy daisy! If this particular young man is reading this, I am sorry for my part in it.

When I and my family had basically stopped going my son was invited to attend scout camp by the Bishop. We let him go. There was another person there who pretended(?) to be a convert and who supposedly had many of the same question our son had, and would engage him in conversation and give out the standard answers. He and the bishop were both very involved in this scheme, which contrary to the bishops "inspiration" proved to be the straw that broke the camels back and we wrote a letter of DoNotContact.

Not long before that, I was in the Clerks office doing my thing and overheard the RSPrez talking to our neighbor lady giving her an assignment to make special efforts to make friendly visits and chat with my wife. I poked my head out the door and told her what times would be best. I loved the look on RS's face.

And of course, a man whom I had admired decided, or was assigned to begin an email exchange in an effort to help me see the dark, errr I mean light...and gave me all kinds of ridiculous articles from FAIR claiming them to be the scholars of the century. Yes, Hugh Nibley was apparently a force to be reckoned with. (teehee)

Even way back when we were new to the church, people we didn't even know would invite us to their FHE, and to other stuff that we would enjoy. People were all over us with welcoming and gifts and handshakes. Of course that all eased off as soon as we were securely in place.

People are assigned to befriend members who they barely know. People volunteer to make contact in Ward Council, and in PEC. They volunteer the services of the members of their auxilliaries and quorums. They treat little children with special attention when their parents are trying to get free.

Some of those people genuinely care, while most only fulfill a role handed to them.

All the reponses are right. The answer is YES, they council, plan and send someone to fellowship you. Our ward council would even come up with ideas on how/what to do and then the assignment was handed out. Funny how many people fulfilled the assignment but after one or just a few contacts, it all fell through.

Also FYI, many people in the ward know by now what you're struggling with. The information flies faster than twitter. So beware of any 'inspired' actions or words that may make you feel like you issue is not a big deal, they have been carefully planned.

I don't think you need to be rude, only firm.

BTW, converts opinions about the gospel, and the real truths you may have learned, are not taken too serious, you are being misinformed and must learn the truth from the church members.

Good luck.

I think everyone else has answered your question but I just wanted to chime in because I was the Relief Society president in one ward and a Primary president in a different ward. So I have sat in countless meetings with Bishop's, other ward leadership and occasionally stake leaders. It's very common to discuss inactive ward members, at least once a month, and talk about what their "concerns" were about the church, what was being done to resolve those concerns, what the home teachers and/or visiting teachers were saying about their visits and discuss who the inactive was friends with, who they lived near by etc. That was for the express purpose of assigning someone to friendship them, watch out for them, make a special effort to reach out to them, look for them and be extra nice to them if we could get them to church, and so on. In a meeting of usually 8-9 people, we'd also discuss any problems we perceived them having: financial, marital, problems with their children etc.

It's one of the things that makes me cringe now. We were just coming up with our own conclusions about these people most of the time and gossiping about how to "help" people who hadn't asked us for help or friendship. Horrible.

I haven't been active in 24 years, but have never had my name removed. I get periodic visits from the missionaries, but I ignore the door when I realize it's them.

The local bishop and his wife stopped by one day and he saw me through the window, so I was shamed into answering. I was recovering from achilles surgery so I was in a boot and on crutches. This gave them an immediate opening to begin the "love bombing". I was very clear that although I felt most mormon folks were nice and I had no ill will towards them (in fact, we could chat at my house as much as they wanted), I had irreconcilable differences with the doctrine and they would never change my mind.

Two days later the wife stops by with whole platter of enchiladas, chips, salsa, the works. Her excuse was that she had made dinner for the family, but then they all decided at the last minute to go on ski trip (why lie?). Regardless, it was a nice gesture and I thanked her profusely and she went on her way.

Another two days go by and there is a flyer with all the local ward activities on it. That didn't take long. I ignored it, and haven't heard from them since. It's all very nice, I guess, but there is only one agenda and that's to get me back to church. They don't just want to hang out at my place and have a BBQ. THey want my eternal salvation.

Not so far....but then again, I've been a self employed one man operation for 40 years and I live out in the country.

I'm very obviously a lost sheep, even though I attend once in a while to support TBM DW. I'm still in the same ward I was in when I was trying to get my Mormon on a few years ago. I don't accept callings or pay tithing anymore. I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far, I haven't gotten much. It's nice for now, but the suspense is rather annoying. Perhaps they aren't as concerned about reactivating a 61 year old man who doesn't bother anyone and minds his own business.

I'm not going back, but I do like pies and cookies! I wouldn't feel guilty about getting some.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2012 02:06PM by rationalguy.

Prior to being made a ward missionary, My wife and I had taken cupcakes all around the neighborhood just to meet new neighbors and bring people cheer. We did it just because we wanted to.

I was annoyed later when I became ward missionary and the missionary leader gave me a list with most of these peoples names on them. I was told to watch them, befriend them, talk to them, find out their interest, where they work, children/names/birth dates, spouses, who they knew in town and what ever else. I was upset that now some of these neighbors were going to perceive me as just trying to get them into the church and that my honest efforts would just be seen as shallow.

Well, obviously that didn't last long. I didn't do any of the above. My wife and I quit the church, (for a multitude of reasons, the shallowness included). I did make real friends with some, thankfully. But I don't like fake and being spied on and manipulated.

+

Not sure if it's an organized assault, but an old geezer that was a family friend (of my father) keeps trying valiantly to get me to attend things. I listen and ignore. I'll never go and I'd never subject my dear Catholic wife to the pile of horse$@#$%& that is the LDS Church.

"They have no intentions of resolving your (rightful) doubts, except with a veneer."

So very true. I've discovered that myself.

I did try once to rationally discuss various beliefs and points of doctrine with a TBM guy that I counted as a friend. It turned out that another TBM friend sent him to talk to me out of my decision of leaving TSCC.

It didn't end very well. He ended up feeling upset and accusing me of not being "reasonable" and "rational."

All I asked was that TSCC present solid facts, provided by non-LDS Egyptologist, to prove the truthfulness of the translation of Book of Abraham.

And he said that was too much to ask for from a church of 14 million members.

"You think there are no intellectuals in this church? You think the rest of us are idiots?"

I gave no response to that because that made me realize that he did NOT come to resolve my doubts. Instead, he came to prove that I made a terrible decision.

TBM's have no way of resolving your doubts because they can't exaplain away all the false beliefs/scriptures that have been proved wrong by one fact after another.

However, I　do have one friend who is still very active in TSCC but is very "cool" about my decision of not returning to TSCC.

He said that everyone has to choose what makes him/her happy. And I thank him for that.