I love children. I had nine. No one in their right mind does that, enough said. They are the light of my life even still. No one can thrill me as easily as one of them with just a kind word. You can't imagine you could love another person that much. To me, it's part of the tapestry of life that should not be missed.

But that's me. You have a great relationship and are asking about having children together. I have 2 cents to throw in because you do NOT know what kind of parent someone will be just through dating and being a carefree (relatively) "fun-loving" couple who everybody likes.

If you love your fiance and aren't going anywhere, then the fact to be considered are his feelings as well as his illness. Does he want germ factories in the house? Is he ok with pets.

Children are nasty. They eat boogers, they drop snot, they pull down their pants and poop in the floor, then spread it on the walls.

If you are ok with dealing alone with all of this while he is gagging in the bathroom...if you are fine with him refusing to hold a child with a cold who has a runny nose...

You get my drift. The burden on you will be huge. When the child vomits, he will vomit. He may have to leave the table rather than see your child eat. This is really hard to have much sympathy for when it's a child you both love.

While he is thinking of leaping out of a moving car over the smell, you may find yourself yelling, "Oh, for Christ's sake, grow a pair, it's just poop..."

Maybe you already know that raising children is not like a laundry soap commercial on TV where a grass stain on a T-shirt is the big problem.

Hope I didn't offend anyone, but nothing like a Day in the Life to bring on a reality check. I would NOT bring a child into the world with an OCD germaphobe, not because I wouldn't want an OCD child but because I love my partner and wouldn't put him through it.

That assumes, of course, that having children is not your dream. If so, then that's a different problem.

Anagrammy

I have OCD. A low dose of Prozac changed my life. Crazy meds aren't all bad!

1. Anagrammy, we must be related. DW and I have 12 grown children. They were almost all easy on us and were perfectly behaved even in meetings and restaurants, etc. Only the oldest several ever colored on the walls. Some never even went thru the terrible twos - being perfect angels.
2. I suffer from a case of OCD, or at least was quasi-treated for it, one symptom being so many children. The others being the tendency to collect various things - such as cameras, etc. In my defense, all (not including the children) can be resold at a good profit (no pun intended).
3. I have, however, had clients who were so obsessed and so messy that their habits made it impossible for them to function. The question is whether compulsiveness interferes with life functions and/or relationships.
4. OCD is, as I understand it from looking it up, obsessive-compulsive disorder. If this is not the OCD referred to in the thread, please ignore the above post.
5. I have found coffee to help as it improves blood sugar balance, not too unlike the seritonin effects of Prozac, but not requiring a prescription.

This might sound stropy. I don't mean it to be as I'm writing this mostly for the benefit of Elaine and anyone else who is dealing with OCD personally or via a loved one.

I think is it very important in discussions like this to recognise that there is a difference between a person who has OCD who has not had treatment and one who has had effective treatment. It like recognizing the difference between a TBM and an exmo.

Before treatment, I called children 'bio-weapons' ;-) precisely because of how kids just are! I don't think that I could have coped with the gooey aspects of children.

Since treatment, kids don't bother me at all. Actually most germy things don't even phase me anymore. I would have zero problem mucking about with kids. (But I don't want kids at all, never have, even before OCD occurred in my life.)

The thing with OCD is that once a person 'conquers' it through treatment, the effect is profound. The treatment for OCD is sort of like jumping out of a plane or an arachnophobe letting spiders crawl on them... all the emotions, unhelpful beliefs, difficulties with uncertainty and doubt, primal fears and magical thinking you have to face and overcome generalizes positively in all areas of life. In other words, because I had to face what terrorized me the most head-on, all the 'normal' fears, doubts, uncertainties and whatnot we face in life are now, in my mind, easy to cope with. Does that make sense?

To put it in exmo terms... what people have had to go through in terms of going from being TBM to exmo are a set of excellent coping, intellectual, social etc skills that are not only applicable to dealing with changing religious belief and dealing with TSSC and TBMs but also skills easily and beneficially applied to the rest of life.

Same with OCD and it's treatment. This is one of the reasons as an nevermo, I read this forum. The situations are very different but the parallels are striking.

I considered myself someone with OCD but in reality if I take an OCD self-test (questionnaire) I do not even come close to having it. Maybe I should consider myself an exOCDer? I don't know but I do know that I not the person I was prior to getting help. So when discussing people with OCD I think that distinction is massively important... as as important as making the distinction between TBMs and exmos when discussion Mormonism and/or Mormons.

Just sayin' (copyright Ron)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/04/2012 06:33PM by spaghetti oh.

I was assuming he was treatment-resistant (or why would she be asking a bunch of exmos?)

If that's not the case, then hey, support the one you love!

After all, we're overcoming a mental disorder called brainwashing and we appreciate support.


Anagrammy

His girlfriend had left him with the little stench maker and the child performed above and beyond the call. The man couldn't change the diaper and asked me to do it for him. Seriously, a total stranger brought a child I'd never met to my door to ask me to change his diaper.

I did but I wondered what kind of woman would leave someone like that in charge of a toddler.

I'm sorry but that's funny! I'm imagining that scene.

Hey guys! Thank you so much for the support I appreciate it so much. He isn't getting any treatment. I said yesterday why don't you go back to therapy and he said that it makes him worse (do you buy that?) he thinks he can do it all on his own but he really can't and to me it's very frustrating. Thank you Anagrammy, I'm actually going to use these examples when he's he
tonight. He will open every door in the house except the bedroom door which he uses his elbows for. Sometimes it's very difficult for me to watch.He won't pick anything off the floor and he says it's because he doesn't want to bend down but I know it's the OCD. Of course I'm not going anywhere, I would just like to gain a better understanding.

You love him and he's an L U C K Y guy for sure. Unless you have lived with mental illness, most people don't realize you have a life which is SNL worthy.

Sex with an OCD sufferer requires that you have eyes that roll easily and a great sense of humor. One of my husbands used to immediately jump up, rush in the bathroom and wash vigorously for like fifteen minutes, leaving me feeling like a hooker with visible crabs. If I had to pee, I had to use the kids' bathroom.

If you ever come to the Bay Area in Cali, look me up-- I will buy you a shrimp deveiner to take home with you.

Best

Anagrammy

I so enjoyed this! got me just chuckling away

I know you have been there anagrammy. I am still not over that simple phrase you used "children are nasty"

lol! Humor sure helps, great medicine



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2012 09:28AM by mindlight.

Elaine Dalton Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey guys! Thank you so much for the support I
> appreciate it so much. He isn't getting any
> treatment. I said yesterday why don't you go back
> to therapy and he said that it makes him worse (do
> you buy that?) he thinks he can do it all on his
> own but he really can't and to me it's very
> frustrating.


Oh, I've been there, done that!

Does treatment make it worse? Two points.

1 - if he's getting the wrong sort of treatment, yes it can make it worse. OCD is very simple to understand at it's core but very few professionals 'get it' so they will apply therapies that do not work or that can make OCD worse. It's very, very important to seek therapists who understand OCD.

2 - (confusion alert!) treatment for OCD does make it worse! OR, more clearly, it can make it seem worse but this is temporary and if the therapist is worth their salt, the person with OCD will be prepared for that and come to willingly 'get worse to feel better' like physical exercise - no pain, no gain - sort of thing.

The 'worsening' in #2 is controlled within sessions, it's deliberate and starts with baby steps and progresses with the person's confidence and ends within a session with the person feeling rattled but better for it. The worsening in #1 is the bad effect of the wrong sort of therapy. Like treating a broken leg with jogging.

Sorry if that is confusing but that is the nature of OCD and it's treatment which is why it's important to seek proper help and by proper I mean professionals who 'get' it.

And there is medication that can be very helpful as well. It can make a significant difference too. Together - meds and CBT (the therapy of choice for OCD) - can turn lives around. But he has to want that. He has to choose it.

Has your fiance (and you) ever watched the film 'As Good As It Gets'? Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt?

Talk about telling it like it is!

I'm reminded of my dealings with a couple of publishers a few moons ago.

I'd suggested the following:

"Be prepared for the unexpected when you have an international guest in your home. Be prepared, for example, when he or she comes home from school and asks something like,'What is smegma?'"

I suggested that example because I had heard of a case where it actually happened in real life.

The publishers couldn't deal with it; the paragraph was deleted.

LOL it never ceases to amaze me how people are willing to enter a union when there is clear evidence, right from the start, that there WILL be problems.

Marriage, kids with an OCD partner? Hell to the NO!

Yeah go ahead and flame me.
The truth makes ome people very uncomfortable.

Glo, as someone with OCD, I could find your comment entirely offensive.

However, I also know that most people don't understand OCD and that many people also believe the social stigmas and stereotypes surrounding mental illness and in this case, OCD.

I know that your idea of 'truth' is not very truthful. So you can remove your flameproof undies.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2012 01:03PM by spaghetti oh.

Well sorry everyone can't be perfect like you, Glo. I find that comment rude and uninformed. The OCD is what he has not who he is. He is still the kindest most caring person in the world, to me.

People who can't be around kids naturally stay away. They self-selecting. By the way, if a germaphobe can't handle kids, don't get a dog. You think gagging over a diaper is bad, wait until you look over at the dog and he's licking his own junk.

Also, there is a distinction between OCD and germaphobia.
OCD: http://ocd.about.com/od/whatisocd/a/whatisocd.htm
Germaphobia: http://ocd.about.com/od/diagnosis/a/Being-A-Germaphobe-Can-Be-An-Ocd-Symptom.htm
Germaphobia can be an OCD symptom.

T-Bone
Thanks for continuing the thread!