Still and active LDS member however I am questioning everything now. I did a simple search to find out if I could wear a strapless wedding dress on my wedding day in the church. Not marrying in Temple. I found so many things I never knew or even thought to look up. I am so confused. Please help! Where can I find all info I need?

MormonThink.com is a good place to start.

I'm surprised they're letting you have a wedding at the church. I haven't seen one of those in about 40 years.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 09:18PM by Mia.

Mia...

Most of my family back in Michigan married in the church even though they weren't members. Now I live in Tennessee and I have been plannning it alone without my mother so I have been googling everything to learn more. Which is how I came across everything I never knew.

I used to live in Ohio. It's true that the line isn't driven quite as hard when away from the Utah mother ship.

I'm concerned about your future husband. Is he a dyed in the wool mormon? If you start having a lot of questions about it will it cause problems? I would hate to see mormonism ruin your happy wedding day.

You don't know how happy I am to hear that your fiancee isn't a mormon. This will make things considerably easier for you.

My one suggestion would be to find someone and someplace else to get married. Someone's backyard would be a better option.

I wish I still lived over that way, I could have been of more help to you. Not to mention that I used to be a florist:)

I'm glad you're learning what you are learning before you get married. It will save you a lot of grief. I didn't learn the truth until i was 57. I'm from 5 generations of members.

My DH was a convert. He was born and raised in Ida Mich. We left the church together this last year. We are very happy about leaving. It was a shock at first, but we've adjusted and all is well. What you're feeling is totally normal. I just wish it wasn't while you're trying to put your wedding together. It's a lot to take while also planning a wedding.

You came to the right place! There are a lot of very knowledgeable people here who can probably answer just about any question you have. We will all try to help you work through this and get you to your wedding on time!

I am glad he is not a mormon either. He went a couple times with me but only for the first part of it. Just glad I have a year for the wedding and I had a back up plan on who would marry us. Good thing I have a co-worker who is nice and can do it. Think of the horror I would have faced!

What kind of info are you trying to find?

A really good site to look at is mormonthink.com. It lists all the different historical problems with the church.

And try not to panic too much. It's pretty scary at first but it starts to get better, in fact it gets awesome!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 09:21PM by byuiapostate.

Thank you. I just found all this yesterday and I have been turned upside down. I just got off the phone with my mom and told her what I started to find things she never knew about and said she is going to look it all up too. I just don't know what is real and lies anymore. I feel duped.

Now step away from everything for a few minutes and treat yourself to something nice that will relax you. Go for a nice walk in the park, take a bubble bath, something that usually makes you feel good.

Realize that life will go on and you do not have to solve this all in one sitting, or in a day, or a week.

Also, realize that you are not alone.

This board exists because it is a process to learn the truth about the LDS and to deal with the aftermath of that discovery. It exists because it is a process that takes time.

There is no reason to overload yourself and learn all there is to know about leaving the LDS.

When you are ready, here are two videos that I think may give you some more info:

This is one from a current thread here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw

This one goes into the Book of Abraham in more detail
http://www.irr.org/mit/lboa-video.html

Oh, and if you get a chance, go to one of the exmo gatherings that get posted here.

If it isn't too late don't get married by a Bishop. The experience is totally demeaning.

I'd say start with Mormonthink.com as well.

Dear Trying,

Take a deep breath. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Many of us on this list have been where you are and we understand. Please remember, you can come here ANY TIME...night and day, and find somebody who will listen and answer your questions.

Of course you're confused...things you've been taught all your life are suddenly not making sense. Take it one day at a time, keep reading and studying and you'll find your way. We care and we are here for you.

Many of us have had that lightbulb moment, realizing that there's something rotten in Denmark. Feeling dazed, confused and duped is normal, especially when you realize just how much info they keep from their members.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 09:28PM by Greyfort.

Is the man you are marrying LDS? Have you shared your doubts with him?

Might the two of you want to postpone your wedding just a little while you come to grips with what you are learning?

You may decide to go ahead as planned or you may scrap your entire "church wedding" plan and have an awesome celebration in a different location - mountains, beach, country club, garden or park. Once you discover that there are more options than you were led to believe, the whole world will open up to you.

But follow the advice here given by others - GO SLOW!

No the man I plan on marrying is a non-mormon. In some ways of the church I really never believed in but I didn't really see there was so many lies. I just liked most of the things they taught well maybe thought they were saying. I guess I am just glad that I didn't really go all that much until 3 months ago. Maybe it was a sign I should have never went back. My soon to be and I have talked a little and plan on talking more tomorrow. He said whatever I want I get so I am thankful for him. Just trying to come to terms with all this disappointment. Now my mom is going to be going through the same thing once she starts reading into the things I found.

Trying To Believe: What is your story, are you a convert or born in the church? R you the only one in your family that is mormon?

The good news is...your spouse to be is not mormon so he ain't brainwashed yet. The better news is...you asked the right ppl about the truth of the LDS church.

We are all recoverying one way or another from the lies. I left about a year ago and I have been faithful for 40 years and temple married plus the ole' BYU grad.

Welcome aboard! Nice to meet you!

Stay on this board! There is a TON of information and a large number of intelligent, well-read, funny, enlightened, compassionate people on here - you will learn an enormous amount and you WILL find your way, I promise. :)

That will make things much easier for you than it has been for some folks on the board who have faced losing relationships - even marriages.

What exactly did you find out that rocked your world? Always curious about that. Best of luck to you!

Like many others have said, use this board as a valuable tool to touch base with those who have been in your shoes! :) You are not alone! And you're lucky to have your mom and fiancee on your side!

Best of luck! <3

When I googled about strapless wedding dresses in a church this site popped up and there was another one about 22 Truths of the mormon church. I just started reading it all and I felt like fainting that minute. My mom and her mom are members mostly they are on my mother's side but after I talked to her tonight she plans on finding out for herself. So we will have eachother to lean on.

The same thing happened to me about 11 years ago as I entered the temple for the first time. It wasn't a good experience. I did a Google search to remember to covenants I had made (since you make them before you even hear them or have time to remember them), and the pandora's box was opened. I have learned so much since. The red pill is not fun.

It will be a painful journey - sometimes scary, sometimes anger-generating, and sometimes one that brings feelings of great betrayal. But, guaranteed, it is a journey you will never regret and that will bring much needed balance, light, and truth to your life. We are here for you - we all are.

Join us often. Ask a lot of questions. Grieve. Get mad. Continue reading. Do research. Don't be afraid of asking about anything and everything on your mind - if you don't you aren't going the distance. No one will ever lie to you here, or cover up the truth or cause you guilt and pain for asking questions. Do be ready - if you ask something we'll give you a straight-up answer - it may not feel good, but it's all necessary to learn.

We are here for you...

You go, girl! Good for you. It takes amazing strength to learn about the not-so-nice things of an institution you have been apart of for your whole life. Always remember to do what's right for YOU and that, as you seem to have learned, ignorance is NOT bliss.

There's a whole world outside of the Mormon church, if you choose to live outside it, and the 99.8% of the world who isn't apart of it will welcome you warmly!!

Peace and light, missy! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2012 10:23PM by afrique.

What I really don't understand and should have smacked me in the face from the very beginning is how rude they can be. They say they don't judge but yet they do. If you aren't mormon and don't get married in the Temple you aren't "really" married. That you have so many things you are not allowed to do otherwise you are hurting your human form and god doesn't like that.. That if you question something they turn their back.. It says that no person shall judge another. That is left to God himself yet they still do it. I feel like a complete idiot now. I wish when I was younger I would have found out sooner.

Aw, you don't have to be so hard on yourself. I felt exactly like you did the day it all came together for me.

Try looking at this realization you are having as an opportunity to learn something about human nature, yourself, or what it is most important to you.

Finding out Mormonism wasn't everything I thought it was--has been one of the biggest turning points of my life so far, but it wasn't the first and hasn't been the last.

Lately I've come to think that surprises that give me a chance to be disappointed or reevaluate my expectations are invaluable and I hope I have them often. The experience of leaving Mormonism was the strongest teacher of this in my life.

Yeah, people in Mormon communities can be really rude, but we know they can be rude just about everywhere, just in different ways. One lesson about human nature I feel I've learned through living with Mormons is that if you value people for who they are individually they will do the same to you regardless of what groups you belong to. Now you have a greater appreciation of this and can know how to be more accepting of people who aren't just like you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2012 12:03AM by Brian M.

We can understand how you might "feel like an idiot", but please try not to feel that way. Almost every one of us has been there. Look at it less as temporary idiocy and more as current and mighty empowerment! :)

Ah, but knowledge is power and you've discovered where the knowledge is. Even though we do go through an anger stage at being lied to, we're onto them and we're taking back our own power. :o)

Oh yeah! We are...(not LDS) (men and) women - hear us...well, type.

Hmmmm...the point remains, anyway. :)

You have just taken the red pill.

Congrats!

welcome confused LDS member!!! I'd say wear whatever wedding dress you wanna wear, it is your wedding, oh and congratulations!! on the wedding

Good for you. Be happy that you found that info now rather than 20 years from now. I did a wikipedia search on Joseph Smith several years ago and that is where I first learned the shocking details of who he really was. I researched hundreds of hours over a period of 5 months. Everything I learned is in this video.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw&feature=youtu.be
If only I would have had this video in the beginning I could have saved myself quite a bit of time. It has EVERYTHING on there. Alot of it is from mormonthink.com

You poor girl, hang in there. I also married a non-mormon (not in Utah, either. I wasn't active when we were married, but when I found out I was pregnant felt (was told non-stop by family members and gave in) that I had an "obligation" to raise my children "whith the blessings of the Gospel."

This was an absolute disaster from start to finish. My husband was not thrilled, although not actively objecting. People at church (I stayed for 9 years!!!) treated me like a project at best, like someone who was there to steal other womens' husbands at worst. I could go into details but won't. It was an absolutely horrible experience; the worst time of my life. Why did it take me so long to get out? I put it down to the brainwashing I was subjected to from birth. My parents and several of my siblings still never miss a moment to pump the Church and try to get me back, even though I've been very, very clear about my views. The LDS church simply doesn't allow for the possibility of people thinking.

I digress; my point is, make sure you aren't buying into views and expectations you don't even know you have or it will destroy your marriage. While I don't discourage marriage, make sure you are clear on who you are and what you want, out of marriage and life, first. Everything will work better.

Good Luck!

TryingToBelieve, you wrote: "I just don't know what is real and lies anymore. I feel duped." That's how I felt! I stayed up night after night, reading everything that I could, being shocked, trying to take it all in. You will feel a lot of different emotions, but my major emotion was anger!

Even though I found out I had been lied to, I felt very free. Finally, life was starting to make sense. I was learning the truth, and was gaining some real wisdom, at my ripe old age. My "Sunday depression" vanished, and my self-esteem returned. My children and I became a truly happy family, the day we left. We resigned, together, about 6 years ago. The Mormon church had been the most negative thing in our life. It was the one thing we argued about. Trust me, you will be a lot happier. I, too, am happy for you, that your fiancee is not a Mormon.

Be patient with yourself, and with your mother, too, if you get hung up on some subjects. It takes time to "un-brainwash" yourself.

You are lucky to be starting a new married life. I was/am hurt by the shunning and gossip coming from my Utah Mormon neighbors. Still, my old Mormon high school friends are as loyal as ever, and there are plenty of wonderful non-Mormons in the world.

I kept asking everyone, "Is the Mormon church really a CULT?" The answer is yes. They make it very hard to leave. Most of my Christian friends have changed churches several times, and have never been given a hard time about it--not from their families, friends, employers, or anyone.

You are brave. Congratulations! Feel free, and happy in the light of Truth!