Using my vast amounts of true logic, and the spirit, which will pierce you all like a knife to the very soul, I am ready to do battle and reconvert you all to the true Church of God.

REPENT, it's not too late.

I know that there is still good in you. It's not too late to turn from the DARK SIDE.

I'm happy now, why would I go back to a cult and the miserable again?

You are right, I am not truly as happy as I could be! I would have to get word of some top LDS leadership performing the execution of the LDS temple penalties on each other to TRULY be happy!

wow. i can feel the spirit. it must be twooooooooo! do i have to pay back tithing or just tithe after i'm rebaptised?

also, do I have to check my brain at the door this time or get a lobotomy?

Yeah, good luck with that.

Heresy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> n/t

I nominate this as the TRUE CHURCH OF THE LAND!!!

http://www.bobrussellonline.com/cmnf/

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2010 03:24PM by mav.

LOL my HT told me the same thing! Ha ha ha!

the dark side has cookies....so no 'repenting'
here....so what exactly do you expect me to repent
of? Thinking for myself?

Then you are going to have to talk to the BP. He won't file the paperwork with SLC necessary for me to re-up. :-)

I am lost. Why is it brighter on the dark side?

OOOOh! I'm glad he's back. now I can stop wondering.

Somebody help me find a cat-of-nine-tails, "Mistress Cynthia" and a guitar. Sounds like Ultra needs to be spanked while "The Dominatrix Song" gets played (to the tune of "I Love Paris").



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2010 06:48PM by michael.

ultratbmmegalord Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Using my vast amounts of true logic, and the
> spirit, which will pierce you all like a knife to
> the very soul, I am ready to do battle and
> reconvert you all to the true Church of God.
>
> REPENT, it's not too late.
>
> I know that there is still good in you. It's not
> too late to turn from the DARK SIDE.

Ah, souls, brother! :oD

We know you were over checking out ldsfreedomforum.com the same way the rest of us were...

No divine being worthy of the label can resist looking at a train wreck...

Re: ldsfreedomforum.com

Cabbie, WHY?? Where's the "Why did I click on that link?" emoticon? Ewwwww.

Best of the Season to You, however... Good to see you comming around again...

BTW, I've got five days of not visiting there, but one afternoon I was watching "Hardball" and I had an overwhelming urge to click over to Glenn Beck... I lasted three or four minutes...

Kind of like using Nicorette gum to taper off cigarettes...

I have something in me...wait ...there it is, a big old honkin turd!!!

I prayed so hard to feel the spirit and I felt a burning in my bosom....turned out it was a bad case of gas!!!! I shall return soon since I need to go number 2 and then and only then will I have divine inspiration with each turd that I clip off...Wonder if Monson gets his divine inspiration every time he clips off a turd???

What if we already are in the TRUE CHURCH? And you're just the one who's been deluded by the dark side!? We need to get you out now galord!

Somebody just marched into our forum and cut a bona fide BRAIN FART!!!

Besides, if its the morg you're talking about, well.... I'll be blunt. The only way I will ever go back is if they:

1-- Cut out tithe, or at least greatly reduce it so members can actually SURVIVE.

2-- Learn to acknowledge the fact that their history is twisted and dark too, like every other religion out there that's more than 100 yeas old. Instead of denying the bad things ever happened, they need to just say "Ok, so the past was messed up, its our duty to move in a better direction." really, I would respect them a lot more if they did that.

3-- Chill the heck out with the callings!!!!

4-- Get rid of the temple ceremonies, sealings, and garments. Your underwear isn't going to save your soul, only your actions will. And we're either still gonna love each other in the afterlife, or we won't. Sealing is just ridiculous. Give it up.

5-- Stop treating women like powerless baby-making machines, and encouraging them to be obsessed with marriage.

6-- Stop shunning people who are individuals.

7. Let the missionaries date and have sex-- and send them to my house first.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/12/2010 05:25PM by melissa3839.

Ultratbmmegalord is the satirical alter ego of a regular poster.
Keep in mind that it is all satire, and have a good laugh.

With my own joke about about UTBML's secret RFM Temple name (Cabdriver Confession: a joke I stole from Benson, even).

And now I'm stuck with the image of some gal who wants to have raunchy sex with a couple of clean-cut mishies...

Seriously, can't I interest her in a young virile biker type with authority figure issues?

She'd enjoy it much more...