Attempts by Mormon freinds to "love me" back into the church are just pathetic. A few examples:

An old freind, who I have served in PTA and at church with, is now ward relief society president. After my being inactive for about 3 or 4 years now, she called me up to ask me out to dinner with her first counselor, another old freind. They wanted to see how I was doing. When I was active in the church,we only saw each other at church and PTA. I said that was very sweet, but no thank. I declined any further explanation.

Another old freind in my ward, we used to PTA, playdates for our kids, etc. I dropped by her house for something a year ago. "We need to get together and do something," she says. Now in the 15 years I've known her we NEVER did anything socially outside of kids' activities, church, or PTA. She racked her brains for an opening in her schedule--church, school volunteer work, more church stuff she does-- We dropped the idea.

A couple in our ward invited us and some other couples over for games. (No, they aren't swingers--LOL!) I declined politely. "Do you even like this sort of activity? Would you even come if you were invited again?" the husband rudely asked. Yeah, love thy neighbor when commanded too--geez.

A freind and his wife--neighbors--asked by email if they could stay in touch and see how I was. I said, sure, why would I not want you too?!?!?

life in the heart of Zion . ..Dear Mormon neighbors--I enjoy your freindship whether you go to church or not. Shouldn't you do the same?

Pathetic.

I just wanted to say, Provo Girl, you're delicious

A sister who was with me in the Primary presidency invited me to a stake dinner before the Women's Conf broadcast, then proceeded to practically ignore me when the Stake Primary presidency sat down across from us. I like this sister in small doses but she really doesn't have the ability to be a friend because she has a very short attention span for others.

A sister I visit taught called and left a loving message on my answering machine about how much she missed me. But didn't set a specific date to go out to lunch or anything.

A few other sisters who I had passing friendship with have said how much they miss me but in a way that makes me want to say "Why?" because we never did much together and they pretty much ignored me for the past year.

None of their love bombing works because we, those who have left, can imagine them sitting in leadership meetings discussing who they can assign to "friendship" us. It doesn't work because it doesn't erase the fact that many of the members are ignoring us, because they view us as weak or evil. It doesn't erase the fact that no one asks us what is going on or wants to hear why we aren't at church. They have made up their own minds and become judge, jury and executioner. It doesn't change the fact that they think we are inadequate parents and are trying to rescue our children, against our will, overriding us as parents. Their love bombing doesn't work because it's as fake and shallow as everything else in Mormonism. It's done to look good and to earn brownie points with God. It's forced friendship and since we have been on the other side of the coin, we understand EXACTLY what is going on. So give up Mormons, and concentrate on the non-LDS who don't have you all figured out from past experience. Illiterate non-Mormons would be easier, btw, because they probably don't read the internet.

I was the ysa leader in my ward when I was 19 and even then I remember arguing with the adult leaders because they felt we should call all the inactives on their birthdays and invite them back. I was so angry. Why call someone with motives like that. I told him I would contact them to wish them a happy bday but that I would not, at that time, invite them to church. I got hell for it. It's such a Ignorant way to treat people.

" I'm only your friend if I can save you from yourself, cause secretly I know your just waiting at home for me to call you and invite you back, even if you hardly know me." Oh the vanity hurts my head

when I served in the nursery, the Primary pres wanted DH and I to visit the inactive NURSERY children at least once a month, drop off a coloring page or cookies and say how we missed them. These were children ages 2 1/2 to 3 years old. I didn't fully believe in the church at the time I had this calling but didn't fully disbelieve like I do now. But I totally got how this was an awful idea. The only missing pieces from this plan were a trench coat and a city park. I was already instructed to ask them to "come and play - look I brought you a treat". Friendshipping my Aztec.

That's such a cheap ploy to get them to say "mommy why don't we go to church?" using people's young children like that… they always manage to get a little lower than I thought they could.

Okay maybe it does.

That reminds me of one my favorite lines they throw:
"We missed you."
As in, "we missed you at church yesterday." "Hi, we've missed seeing your face around!" "We missed you the past year."

Really? Because I definitely still live here, haven't changed my phone number, and have an e-mail address. Funny way to treat your friends that you "miss"--completely ignoring them.

EXACTLY. I always feel like saying this when I run into church people who say they "miss" me. Really? Because I still live 2 houses down from you jackass.

Not a very good social network, though.

One reason people stay attached to the LDS church is their connections to others. That connection can be positive, where you actually love the other people, or it can be negative, as in not wanting the disapproval of the group, even though you don't particularly like them.

People are more likely to join the church and remain active if they feel welcomed, if they make social connections. And it's easier to leave if they don't have those connections. And we all know how had it is to leave the church when you have close bonds to believing spouses and family.

So the church, in its bumbling way, imagines it can manufacture friendships and emotional bonds, or that members on the fringes of activity can't tell the difference between real affection and hollow acts of assigned friendship.

...hollow acts of assigned friendship" <Lol!> Funny, but so true!

It always amazes me how Mormon friendships form, disolve, and reform according to ward boundaries. For years, the ward boundary was next to our house. The neighbor to our left didn't know the neighbor on our right because they weren't in the same ward. Weird.

Provo Girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Attempts by Mormon freinds to "love me" back into
> the church are just pathetic. A few examples:
>
> An old freind, who I have served in PTA and at
> church with,

>>> It's amway meeting.




> Another old freind in my ward, we used to PTA,
> playdates for our kids, etc. I dropped by her
> house for something a year ago. "We need to get
> together and do something,"

>>>> It's a Quickstart meeting.




> A couple in our ward invited us and some other
> couples over for games. (No, they aren't
> swingers--LOL!)

>>> It's a Nuskin meeting.

network in the LDS Church is the association of members who serve in the same auxiliary, usually. Women working in Primary are not often socially connected to women working in Relief Society, for instance. Friendships are based on the commonality of church attendance: going to the temple together, Firesides together, serving in the same organizations, etc.
It's just how it works. The nature of the beast.

Of course, there is the old joke of "assigned friends" -- AKA home teachers and visiting teachers, that only make social calls be .... assignment!

"Inactive" members are not part of any of that, so that means some other attempt needs to be made to keep contact.
Often fails miserably as it appears to have an ulterior motive, whether the person is sincere of not.

Yeah, it's kinda lose lose for them. They annoy me with the love bombing and piss me off with the shunning. Sigh.

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> network in the LDS Church is the association of
> members who serve in the same auxiliary, usually.
> Women working in Primary are not often socially
> connected to women working in Relief Society, for
> instance. Friendships are based on the
> commonality of church attendance: going to the
> temple together, Firesides together, serving in
> the same organizations, etc.
> It's just how it works. The nature of the beast.
>
> Of course, there is the old joke of "assigned
> friends" -- AKA home teachers and visiting
> teachers, that only make social calls be ....
> assignment!
>
> "Inactive" members are not part of any of that, so
> that means some other attempt needs to be made to
> keep contact.
> Often fails miserably as it appears to have an
> ulterior motive, whether the person is sincere of
> not.
Mormons definitely do shun at times, but sometimes it is more a matter of just no longer moving in the same circles. I have had fairly good friends whom I know longer see simply because I have moved or changed jobs. They were more friendships of convenience. That is part of life. We tend to associate with people we see on a regular basis.There is no evil motive behind it, It simply happens.

Nothing nefarious about it, no ulterior motives, just the ebb and flow of life.

Most of my associations are with non-LDS folks now days because I am not part of that group anymore.

I still communicate with some of them, keep in contact, go to lunch once in awhile.

Most of the people I know how have moved, just as we have.
I still have a few friends from childhood -- going back 60 years.

I appreciate people thinking of me, and asking me to have lunch etc. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not. I take their word as sincere, and honest (nothing fake about it), but sometimes schedules don't work out.
It's no big deal. Things change.

I prefer to accept people the way they are.
If things change, and plans don't work out, it's not something I am concerned about. Stuff happens. No big deal.

I don't think anyone would disagree that friendships from convenience (such as work or school friendships) are part of life. Nothing nefarious about that. It's the attempts to reignite those friendships of convenience after the association has dissolved that seems phony and contrived. No one calls up after graduation and says "We've missed you at school the last couple of semesters," and no one calls up from your old work saying "We love you so much, you should quit your current job and come back to work here." It's really weird getting calls like this out of the blue from church members, and signals only one possible and insincere motive.

People at work and school and other places where convenient friendships form all mutually respect the unspoken rules of the friendship. TBM's, however, have no sense of boundaries or respect for social norms. That's why love-bombing is icky to everyone but the TBM's themselves. Even then, many TBM's are unwilling, or at the very least uncomfortable, doing it. I refused to participate in this type of pseudo-friendship when I was TBM, at least with people who clearly didn't want contact. Of course, other active TBM's were fair game.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/12/2010 04:24PM by resipsaloquitur.

That is EXACTLY why I left UT and LD$ Inc,. I got sooo sick of being love bombed, and it did not change till I made it change. That was leaving the state and resigning my membership...my exit letter was like 9 pages long, and directed at an overly abusive and controlling bishop from Hell. I feel lots better now.