When I say 'mine' I don't mean it in the sense that we are together. We broke up right before he left (a few months ago) because we both knew it wouldn't be fair to have me wait 2 years.

I would like to, respectfully, question his faith. I want him to see me as someone that loves him NOT because of his religion. Sort of as an outlet where he doesn't have to act all pious and holy constantly.

I do have some small hope deep in me that thinks maybe he'll come home, (early or not) and discover his religion is a fabricated lie.

Like I said, I'd like to be respectful so he doesn't get angry with me. We still love eachother deeply and I know at this point, he wants to marry me someday. Even though I've told him I'm never willing to convert. (This is an issue I told him we'd discuss when he got back)
I'd like to start... giving him a 'push' in the right direction.

Advice on what to say, what facts to reference?

My advice?

Let it go. This has total disaster written all over it. As you said, you broke up for a reason. Leave it alone.

Ron

I agree with Ron. It's not worth it. As much as you love him, let him go.

I don't think you're being fair to him.
If you've split up then leave him alone.
His two years will be hard enough without his ex writing to him to tell him his religion is wrong (even though it is) and, he's wasting two years of his life and to 'tease' him into being hopeful that you'll still be around when he gets back.

In my opinion you sound like you are only thinking about yourself.

I know you want to push him in the right direction but as a guy who served a mission and had a non-member girl write me and tell me the same things you want to tell him, please don't. It will drive him further away from you.

May I suggest that you continue to write him. Keep him up to date on your life. Tell him that you look forward to him coming home. If he is serving in a foreign country ask him to tell you all about it. But most of all, treat him like you always have. He'll appreciate it as everyone else in his LDS support group is treating him like he is the most important person in the world. Send him an occasional Target or Wal-Mart gift card. Or a care package. Make sure you include an updated picture of yourself occasionally.

I guarantee that he will realize that you are a true friend and when he returns home he will be thankful for your support. And that will do more than anything else to give you credibility in his eyes.

He will be exposed to more "truths" than you will ever be able to show him over the next two years. Remember that over 40% of all missionaries quit attending the church within 12 months of returning home. Be there for him and support him. Your de-activation efforts may not be necessary in the long run.

I would agree with some of the above comments, not having been a missionary myself, but I was the mormon in a mo-nevermo relationship. The best thing my boyfriend could have done was to accept me exactly as I am, whether I chose to be mormon or not, he loved me. I did not feel that from any of the mormons around me. The love of my family and other mormon friends was conditional, and there was a big difference. If you do not accept him as he is, he may pull away from you instead of toward you.

Missions suck. That's all there is to it. Any and every letter he gets from you will be treasured. He'll read it several time over.

If you want to write to him because you like him then write. Tell him what's going on in your life, tell him about the latest movie you've seen, tell him you really miss making out with him and wish you could snuggle in his arms.

When I was on my mission in the mid 80s the counsel was to only write spiritual and uplifting things home. We were told to never complain and to always keep things positive. Our families were told to only write spiritual and missionary related stuff to us. It sucked. It was like the church was determined to eliminate any warmth or reality from our lives as missionaries. I don't know what the hoped to accomplish but I hated it.

Write to him and remind him what the real world is like. You don't have to focus on de-converting him, it probably wouldn't work anyway. However, if you run across a quote in the news that you like and it happens to be of the un-faith promoting variety, send it to him. Tell him why you agree with it and ask him what he thinks. Dialogue is what you want, not a lecture.

Oh, one more thing. Spray some perfume on your letters. It'll give him wet dreams.

Stunted

Dear John,

I no longer respect those who lie for the Lord. Don't look me up when you get home, I'll be busy with my friends enjoying life beyond religion.

Rockfish

It's going to have to be something he comes to on his own terms and in his own way.

If you want to continue writing him I see no harm, but please at least get out and spend time with your girlfriends doing other things and learning about yourself.

If he ever leaves the church, it will be on his own terms. Now is not the time to push.

If you want to write to him, just do so as a friend who cares about him. TheDrive has some great suggestions for things you can talk about and include.

agree.

be the person he loved/loves. If he sees what he'll be missing because of his belief, he may (not likely) question his path. If you question his faith he'll see it as a personal attack and likely dig in deeper.

They were very close through out HS. She told him she thought there were good things in the church but that their were problems with the BoM and other things in the doctrines, and that she would never be able to believe or accept them.

As a side note: she was baptised as an eight year old (by me) but I was having serious misgivings about the church by that time and caved into peer and family pressure to have her baptised. (It took me another three years to finally conclude it was all fabricated) During my studys and exit from tscc, I was completely open with my family. As I found out things, I discussed them out loud with everyone. Fortunately, as I left the cult, so did the family. (It still took us a few years to fomally resign but the kids really ceased considering themselves Mormon while in their teens).

Even with all of that, my daughter was close to this one guy in her class. He and his family were true believing Mormons. I was concerned that this relationship could draw her back into Mormonism but I stayed out of it. They wrote extensively (at least once a week) While he was on his mission. If anything, they became closer. When he returned though, he never contacted her in anyway. It was like he had died.

About a year later my daughter was with friends at a restaurant and he was there too, with a girl. My daughter could tell that her being there was causing some major discomfort and she didn't want to increase it by making eye contact or talking with him.

When he left the restaurant with his date, he asked the waitress to give my daughter a note.. On a napkin, he has hastily written... "I am so sorry -Love. XXX.

My daughter is now having a wonderful life and still they have never spoken since he got off his mission. This napkin apology was all she got from him. He is now married with several children. It was a tough break up for my daughter but she realizes it was in her best interest. She could have never felt acceptance from his family and she would never have allowed her children to be raised in the church.

I kindly suggest you just continue writing your friend and being the wonderful person you are while you get on with your life and distance your self emotionally from him. It won't be easy to keep this on a friendship level but you will really have a broken heart if you try to change yourself to please him or change him to please you.

Remember the good times and know that you are now very clear in what you really want in a relationship and partner. Now, focus on that and look forward with love, to the great times that are ahead for you. Accept and know that you will be finding another who can be even better friends with you and you with him.

My best to you.

Thank you all very much for your advice.
Writing to him as just a friend is the healthiest thing for me right now.

Basically this sucks, it hurts and I hate it.
I think I'm going to take a break from this site as well - I'm becoming far too obsessive over all this 'non Mormonism' kick I recently got on. It's getting to a point where I need to cut ties. I'll check back when I know I can handle it without becomeing too compulsive.

I sincerely appreciate everyone that has taken their time to write!

Rockfish
(Realized my name just sounded like I picked the two closest objects to me at the time of creating it. Not the case though - it was a childhood nickname my dad gave me. Why? No idea. Lol)