Sometimes I get so wound up over things people have done or said to me in the past. I can obsess about something for hours on end to the point of exhaustion.

How do you divert this behavior??

You can't divert it. Embrace it, not like a friend, like a job that has to be done.

Most of the things that bother us the most are the things that can't be resolved. So there is no tidy end to put it all to rest.

They resurface and we obsess. One obvious thing that works best is time, which gives perspective.

Beyond that, the best tool is to 'talk it to death'. Tell everyone who will listen or wants to exchange bitchy stories until even you are sick of hearing about it.

'Talking it to death' does dilute it. It will always be there, but may turn into a funny story during cocktails at some point.


This may not work for the more seriously tragic events in life. This is more for slights and snubs and arrogant rudeness and minor betrayals.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2012 05:00PM by blueorchid.

I am the same way, Outcast. Look up post-traumatic stress. Do not ignore your problems. Recognize that they are there and figure out ways to control it.

I remember some advice when I start focusing on a grudge that was given by fiance:

"It is inevitable that people will hurt you in this life. Someone may hurt you for about 10 seconds, after that, you are the one hurting yourself if you choose to dwell on it. Is it worth all the mental stress and the toll it takes on your health to hold a grudge?"

Very often do I catch myself thinking of someone who mistreated me, and I allow it to spin out of control in my head. The next thing I know, I am getting so angry that my heart races and I start blacking out (very much like becoming the Hulk...lol.) My fiance has gone through the same thing. He is naturally a very hot-tempered man, but you would never guess if you met him today! He has told me all the horror stories, and sometimes his family has to fill in some parts because he blacked out at the time and went of a vicious rampage. Very scary... could you imagine a 6ft tall, 260 lb guy completely loosing it and destroying everything around him? This scares me because I am letting my post-traumatic stress spin out so bad that I am becoming this hulk-like creature just like he once was.

All I am saying is dont let it get this bad. Recognize it, get help, and learn to control it.

I see a therapist, and I discuss problems with DW.

I go inside myself to find perspective and understanding on problems.

I meditate and drop the mind.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2012 08:06PM by hello.

If it interferes with your life get paid, professional help. Whatever benefits you get from therapy or couseling will apply elsewhere and/or later in life as other situations crop up.

Few people are born with expert coping skills.

Outcast, what you are doing is called ruminating. It's when you think of something over and over (usually these things are negative). If this ruminating is troubling you, you might want to seek counseling. There are even medications for this.

One who knows

Interesting...thx Don for allowing me to give it a name. My situation is difficult and has been for a long time. I'm a single parent and my focus is always work/home and rarely on fun or social events. I don't have much of a social network, but that has improved since my sister & her husband moved here a couple months ago.

I am exercising again and focusing on a good diet and staying away from alcohol. I am trying to find more positive activities. Still, since I have no close friends I am alone with my thoughts way too much. I've known this and periodically have to give myself pep talks and attitude adjustments. It works at times, but when I'm exceptionally tired, the negativity overwhelms me. I keep telling myself it's a temporary situation, that when my daughter gets a bit older, I can find friends or something fun, maybe join a bowling league or take dancing lessons. I know that will go a long way to help me feel like a normal whole person.

Facebook helps a bit, I have reconnected with many old high school & college friends. My 30 year HS reunion is coming up in a couple weeks...I may be able to reconnect with some people locally. Maybe. The problem I run into is everyone else is busy with their lives too. I won't go to bars, that's never worked for me.

Anyway, it will get better. I expect good things, I deserve them.

First accept it. It is what it is. Then do your best to not think about it. It took me awhile- yrs.- and now I hardly ever think about it. The freedom you feel when you no longer carry that baggage is truly refreshing. YOU must be the one to think of other thngs. Think of positive things....good friends, future trips you will take and then just enjoy the outdoors and walks, etc. I know it can be hard, but you must learn to accept what you can not change and be happy you did not ever hurt someone like you had been hurt. Think of you being 2,000 percent better than the character who harmed you and due to it, you simply can't entertain any thoughts of them anymroe.

I read alot of Dr. Dyer. He is a voice of reason and tells you how to overcome your past. It works especially well for Mormonism. He has a spiritual bend but not in a religous off putting way.

I mostly limp a lot since i only have one leg. I clicked on this thread because i thought it was about amputees.Turned out to be someone who got their feelings hurt.Feeling heal legs dont grow back.

I blow up about ten balloons and then take them in my hands an pop them with my fingernails.

I learned this exercise at a seminar. Blowing up the balloons (in fact any breathing exercise) has a calming effect. Clawing the balloons until they pop gives a nice feeling. It doesn't accomplish anything, but sometimes I think that is what it is all about. Some stuff just IS and as frustrating and annoying as it IS there is nothing that can change it.

So, when I think about things that make me super frustrated, like my sister programming her kids into the mormon belief system and making them into zombies I realize that I can't do anything about it. I can't change it. If I talk about it I just make people mad at me...so this exercise seems to help me at least calm down. a little bit at least.

My motto is "work on things you can do something about" it helps me.

Meditation helps to calm the mind. You are not alone in your anguish. We all obsess over these things -- it's bothersome, but keep working on it -- get control of your mind.

I try to always have something to look forward to. A week end trip, a project, a vacation. I then find myself looking forward instead of thinking of the past.

When I have had some traumatic experiences, I find that getting involved in preventing such things for others, or helping others to avoid the same thing helps.

I act like a sarcastic bitch.

I read a lot of books to help deal with anger directed at my ex-husband and the trauma that came with our divorce. One that was beneficial was Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.

Another thing that I learned is that thoughts can become habitual. The brain loves habits. The trick is to break the thought habit (I know, easier said than done). As soon as an episode starts, do something else that requires your complete attention. I tried exercise and found that yoga and Pilates are better than cardio because I had to concentrate on the yoga and Pilates.