I posted 6 years ago about my pain with my son getting married in the temple and me standing outside. I remember it as one of the worst, hurtful, demoralizing and AWFUL days of my life. I greeted the happy couple outside because I cared more about my love for them than the humiliation of standing there while my TBM relatives judged me and described in condescending, glowing details the "beautiful" ceremony inside that I missed. I had been to plenty of marriages and sealings, and knew all about the bland ceremony, and felt betrayed at their insensitivity.

I actually never thought this day would come.

But now, only 6 short years later, my son and his wife are having doubts about the greediness of the cult and the lechery of Joseph Smith!!! It was truly thrilling last night for him to apologize to me, and say he is sorry that he hurt me by not including me in the actual wedding. He said he respects my integrity because I wouldn't lie and pay lots of money to be able to be there with him. This is a triumph for me.

I was really supported by this board then, who are almost all anonymous to me, and I appreciate Eric and those who keep it running. I am grateful for this community who are brave enough to face the knowledge that we have been duped.

Congratulations, greenkat! I'm so happy for you.

That step has yet to occur for me (son married in temple 7 years ago, daughter 3 years ago). I've been watching for the signs of change since then.

The pain is still intense, but for now, I can at least know that it can and does get better for some people.

Papaken, I hope your kids do, too. It was just too much to imagine or hope for, and I am really amazed.
Thanks everyone for your support. I love that idea of a renewal of vows where we all could be there. I may bring it up with them.

Awesome!

I'm glad to hear their perception is coming around!

But the wedding ceremony and the reception are both done outside the temple. There's plenty to do with the family who are not members... Still don't get it what is the big deal.

Observer Wrote:
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> But the wedding ceremony and the reception are
> both done outside the temple. There's plenty to do
> with the family who are not members... Still don't
> get it what is the big deal.

What wedding ceremony is done outside the temple? Do you mean the ring exchange (soooo NOT a ceremony)? Yeah, we all love the second rate booby prize!

Seriously? It sucked having to fly a thousand miles to babysit the ward members' kids while my TBM sister got married. She didn't even bother to put off the bridal shower by an hour so I could be there, and was actually hurt that my fiance didn't fly in for a reception and a few pictures. Don't get me wrong--I'm happy that she's happy, and she does seem to be--but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the repeat performances that will probably come with my other siblings.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch the children that you raised and love be married without you there to watch. Going to a ring ceremony (if they have one) and/or a reception (which they'll definitely have, if only with red punch and donated cookies--they're almost always desperate for the gifts) is a poor second.

While my convert DD is still Mormon, she too regrets her decision to marry in a place no one in her family was permitted to enter. I am sad for her that when she remembers her wedding day part of that memory includes knowing how hurt her family was. She has lots of pictures of their reception scattered about their home, but not one picture of the temple.

That is huge, and is something many of us can only hope for. Congratulations.

I have one daughter who married a convert in the temple. I didn't wait outside, as I thought that was asking too much. However, last week she told me she deeply regrets it. She's never been too gung ho, and he seems to be losing his fervor.

He's one of those kids that converted due to a rough upbringing and a wonderful aunt who provided the only semblance of stability and common sense to his life, was mormon. So naturally, he deduced that Mormonism was a better way to go than heroin (as if those were the only two choices).

So congrats, Greenkat! Tis sweet!

I wish I could apologize to my parents.

WOW!

And I'm so happy that you are one step closer with your son! They sound like they have one foot out the door....

Wow...what a great son.I can't even imagine how this has made you feel and how you will truly reconnect with your son. He must feel relieved as well now that he has apologized. It is surely going to be with him forever, but now the guilt is gone. You have accepted his apology.

I know people hurting still from what you were going thru. And my good friend's daughter marries this wkend in Salt Lake and she is a convert, so Mom and Dad will wait outside. I told her what to expect (comments etc.) She is prepared. She is now just learning of all the judging, etc. I hope one day this daughter will apologize to her parents. This is their only daughter....and DAD can not walk her down the aisle. Remember they are just brainwashed and in love, I told her.

I am so happy for you. I will tell her this good news and give her hope for her in yrs. to come. I know this is going to be such a hurtful wkend for her. Your son will find his way out soon I bet.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2012 01:12AM by honestone.

It took me 13 years to make that apology to my dad. Now I face the reality that I'll likely be sitting outside for my own children's weddings.

I'm happy that your son is coming around! :)

I WISH I could apologize to my parents and in-laws.


But my husband and I didn't figure out the truth about TSCC until I'd been married over a quarter of a century.


My parents are now dead. My in-laws are both dead.


We were both converts, and we live in "the mission field." So my parents, and my husband's parents - they didn't understand why they were excluded from our wedding.


Geez, how much that must have hurt them!


I am glad for those of you who can still apologize, or who are still alive to receive the apology.


I can only hurt now, for the pain that TSCC wedding attendance policy caused my family, and my husband's family.

Then you can have a relationship with them without Mormonism in the middle.

His heartfelt apology is a true testament to his love for you and his integrity. Both of which I’m sure he learned from your example. Good news such this always refreshing to hear.

That's great and good for you to accept his apology.

A true miracle would be for members to admit this in church.

I don't understand why for many the fact of not being able to be inside the temple to participate of someone else wedding is such a big deal. Many people wait outside while relatives are sealed. Is not their wedding! It is the couples wedding and choice to have it done in the temple. Stop feeling bad for this please.

Observer Wrote:
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> I don't understand why for many the fact of not
> being able to be inside the temple to participate
> of someone else wedding is such a big deal. Many
> people wait outside while relatives are sealed. Is
> not their wedding! It is the couples wedding and
> choice to have it done in the temple. Stop feeling
> bad for this please.

I raised a daughter. For twenty years I was present at every big moment of her life and for most of the small ones. I would do it all again and more.

Then came a special and unique moment. The moment she became a married woman and a new son joined our family. For that moment I was told, "don't bother to come, we won't let you in as no unclean thing can enter into the temple." Twenty years of mothering disregarded at irrelevant by the Mormon god.

I didn't care about being in the temple. I cared about being there for my daughter's big moment. If they had decided to get married on a beach and only invited the Mormons to attend, I would have been just as hurt.

Mormon "we're all about families" PR is a LIE. They only care that your family pays and obeys. They didn't care about my family that day.

Yes, it was my daughter's day. That is why we gave her a blow-out reception. That is why we put smiles on our faces and celebrated. I'm sure we fooled a lot of Mormons that day. I'm sure we are held up as examples of non-Mormon parents who were okay with the whole temple thing. Make no mistake, we were not okay but we refused to sit in a corner and pout.

We weren't asking to enter the temple. We are asking that the Mormon church do away with the one year punishment for couples who marry outside the temple and are otherwise temple worthy - just like the church allows in other countries. There is no doctrinal support for the one year punishment.

We are asking that church leaders follow through on their "we're all about families" rhetoric with actions and stop dividing families, start putting people ahead of policy (and the one year punishment is just a policy), foster conciliation instead of estrangement, encourage couples to build bridges to their families instead on insisting that they burn them.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2012 09:12AM by caedmon.

This... ++++

how really out of touch you are with reality. You really have no why excluding parents, siblings and other loved one from a wedding ceremony is so egregious, do you? I feel sorry for you but not for the cult you try to defend.

Observer Wrote:
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> I don't understand why for many the fact of not
> being able to be inside the temple to participate
> of someone else wedding is such a big deal.

If it's not a "big deal," why is it secret?

And before saying "It's not 'secret,' it's 'sacred," I would ask you to consider this: Do you really think that people of other faiths consider wedding vows any less sacred? The Catholic Church holds that marriage is a Sacrament, one instituted by Jesus Christ himself, yet *anyone* can attend a Catholic wedding Mass or ceremony, and as far as I know that is true of the weddings ceremonies of every other faith in the world except for Mormonmism.

Did you (or will you) stay out of your own child's wedding, Observer?

Observer, YOU are not the one to tell somebody if they should hurt or not. Perhaps you are not aware of the joyous moments so many of us have shared at wedding ceremonies where all friends and family can attend. Learn about the American experience. YOU obviously don't know much about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/24/2012 01:32AM by honestone.

However People in charge of this charade will not give up practice, as long as business is good.

We speak about it because the Church uses fear and guilt to manipulate otherwise good people into choosing the Church over their own family.

It’s a hypocritical stance by taken by a profit driven organization that masquerades as a religion that falsely and shamelessly flaunts itself as a “family” oriented culture while seeking to drive wedges between family members who fail to dance the dance of obedience and pay tribute to the Church.

What gets me about this whole religious wedding extortion scam is that they do not care if you believe in them, Joseph Smith, or Jesus as long as you pay up.

They always say you can tell what an organization is all about by what people are punished for doing or not doing.

Clearly by excluding apostates from weddings, this is shunning, which the church denies they do.

Anagrammy

I still feel awful about it and there really is no way to fix it. They will forever be robbed of watching their son be married.

I will never forget looking around that little room while playing dress up, and wishing my folks could be there. A horny 21 year old lacks the vision to understand how damaging and cultish this exclusionARY practice is.

To the current and past Morg adminsistration. FUCK YOU. I want to slap some sense into your condescending, smug ass, faces.
Also, FUCK YOU once again.

Tell them it is never too late. If they want to have a second wedding for an anniversary, you would be pleased to attend.

Traditionally the whole purpose of a wedding is so that the whole community can witness the happy couple being tied together as husband and wife. Having secret weddings, while they did happen, were always a scandal, since there was no proof to the community that the couple were not living in sin.

that is a very interesting point.

This sends chills up and down my spine. Good news. What a great teacher you are to your Son and those around you. I pray for the rest of Mormon Youth to wake up and include ALL family in their Celebrations and Marriages.

I feel so bad about my mom's side of the family not attending. She was the most supportive of my marrying my husband, while the TBMs on my father's side were treating him like a complete ass because he didn't go on a mission and tried every thing to stop the wedding. They even called him nasty names behind his back.

I wanted to do a ring ceremony for her, but of course TBMs freak out about that. It was to have little to no effort, and be treated like it was no big deal so that it wouldn't take away from the sacredness of the temple... I finally got guilted out of doing the ring ceremony because "I was putting my family over the Lord." Meanwhile, let's put on a lavish reception! Yeah, totally makes sense!

This has me thinking....do mormons renew their vows like people of other/no faiths do??

If so, then maybe you CAN see your son get married...again

I love this idea.

Congratulations Greenkat! May your relationship with your son strengthen even more, and may they leave the lie.