I've read several stories of people here who married non mormons or inactive mormons. Those who were TBMs and who dated outside the faith (or dated jack mormons), were you able to stay chaste during courtship?

I know the ideal is to not have premarital sex, but how common is it for people to remain chaste? Especially those who dated months or years before marriage? If a couple spends a lot of time alone together and goes on vacations together (and stays in the same hotel room alone), how realistic is it to believe they are staying chaste? Particularly if it is a mixed faith relationship?

If the mormon member of the couple appears to be TBM as in abstains from alcohol/coffee, attends church regularly, dresses modestly, but who sleeps over at her non-mo significant other's house, how likely is it that the mormon member is observing the law of chastity? Or would you assume this is a mormon who practices cafeteria mormonism (i.e., picks and chooses what suits them)?

Well, my first wife, a TBM, didn't remain chaste before marriage. She was dating me, a Jack Mo at the time. I don't remember her being opposed much to the concept.... hormones and all, I guess.

"Pre-marital" assumes the ppl who have sex Will get married (later), doesn't it?

All I can say is that I wish I would have had more before I was married.

+1 MEE TTOOOO 222!

I fail to see how it would be possible to remain chaste in these situations, perhaps I am just weak and lack the faith to remain pure.

I agree that it seems impossible to remain chaste in these situations. As a non-mo, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around attending church and appearing to obey the WoW, but sleeping with your significant other outside of marriage. Since I've come to understand chastity is so important, I can't believe someone would dare show their face in church along with with their non-mo SO, and also "openly" disregard the law of chastity. If this came to light, would the TBM be counseled?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2012 06:29PM by nomo1985.

Pre marital sex is the most broken of all the commandments. I have only anecdotal evidence for this, but I am confident I am right

icanseethelight Wrote:
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> Pre marital sex is the most broken of all the
> commandments. I have only anecdotal evidence for
> this, but I am confident I am right


I don't know. I think the commandment to not judge and to love your neighbor get broken more than pre-marital sex, especially by the self-righteous sons of bitches who have never had pre-marital sex.

50% of those judgemental SOB's are not judging what you have done, they are judging your inability to keep it quiet the way they have.

My wife and I were ex'ed 1 week before our wedding, just because we would not bow down and quit, or lie about it. Going back was sooooooo stupid.

mcarp Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I don't know. I think the commandment to not judge
> and to love your neighbor get broken more than
> pre-marital sex, especially by the self-righteous
> sons of bitches who have never had pre-marital
> sex.

the self righteous judgemental MORmON pricks who never had pre marital sex are NOTHING compared to the self righteous judgemental MORmON pricks who DID have pre marital sex but want to act like they are as pure as the driven snow due to some magical exemption they are entitled to, so they are still entitled to judge others as if they were perfect anyway.

The real pisser is when one of these phonies discounts some one else's chastity, and dismisses their own culpability in sexual indescretions because they feel that they had a much higher sex drive of A REAL MAN that entitled them to certain dispensations, while others were only chaste due to having to deal with the lesser sexual desires of mere boys. I will actually go along with this theory as long as the phony ass *REAL MEN* proponents understand that things have to be corrected by having them get kicked in the balls so hard that their feet come off the ground. THAT will fix things right up!

mcarp Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I don't know. I think the commandment to not judge
> and to love your neighbor get broken more than
> pre-marital sex, especially by the self-righteous
> sons of bitches who have never had pre-marital
> sex.


That's not a mormon commandment is it? I don't recall ever being asked whether I'm non-judgmental in a worthiness interview.

Hmmmm you seem to have forgotten about the law against coveting some fun/enjoyment in life that often gets couples to get to the bedroom before they've gotten their courthouse license ;)

I have almost no family members or close friends in the church who weren't breaking that rule AT LEAST to a certain degree. The worst are those "technical" virgins (cause oral and anal aren't sex, are they?) who get super judgey about everyone else. In all the years since my excommunication for having premarital sex with my fiancee I just get increasingly puzzled about the whole thing. Why me? Why no one else? I know of not a single other Mormon who was exes for that, and I know some f***ing promiscuous Mormons.

rosemary:

I am assuming by your screen name, you are woman...maybe it was the double standard...

I think it was because I was honest. I didn't see the point in lying to God's representative. Not that I expected some spirit of discernment, I really just thought that since God already knew what I'd done what was the point in lying? Might as well take my penance.

I had NO IDEA my penance would be so extreme. I was barely 21, pregnant, and tried to commit suicide the night I had my "court" hearing.

Now I know that everybody does it, they just lie about it. Kinda wished I had been clued in. BTW, my boyfriend was not a member at all. Something I never told anybody was that he pressured me strongly and led me to believe that since sex was a normal part of a relationship at that age, he wasn't going to stick around if I wasn't interested. I never told anyone that part because I felt like it was shirking my own responsibility. I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing it; I just was so broken from a lifetime of continued spiritual/verbal abuse from so many people I had trusted that I honestly didn't think I deserved an excuse.

I was disfellowshipped for it, never excommunicated yet....

I was inactive at the time I met my wife.....we fell in love and did what committed lovers do....will celebrate 39 years next month...I should add, that she is Catholic



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2012 11:23PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

We never told anyone. Didn't think it was necessary, since we had agreed that we'd marry quite a while before the naughtiness.
This saved a great deal of trouble!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2012 07:08PM by rationalguy.

On the anecdotal side I'm pretty sure none of my wife's or my own siblings or spouses had premarital sex - so that's 0 / 15.

However most probably had some kind of "chastity issue" that included confessing to a bishop.

MORmONISM loves sexual sin, despite what the @$$ holes say. Its a ready made control mechanism that works nearly universally and nearly automatically.

From what I have been able to determine, at least half of all LDS couples had sex before they were married even in the temple.

Ironic that pre-marital sex is such a no no considering the beloved, god-like founder Joseph Smith was such a seducing lying scoundrel. I was a convert at age 18.At age 19 I got involved with my boy friend. I went to the bishop to ask for help ( I know silly me ) and I said I had concerns because I was dating a non-member. He didn't ask anything or let me say another word he just went off on a speech about just keep the standards. I was too embarrassed to say it was too late. I ended up pregnant and in the hands of LDS Social Services ( now called LDS Family Services). After being guilted and shamed into giving up my baby, I was determined to never have sex again until I was married. And I kept that committment and got married two years later in the temple to my husband. They are so clueless about sex period. With me it was less hormones and more feeling alone and emotionally needy.But to them it is just SIN!!!! But the Mormon church is so messed up about sex that even AFTER you are married they are leering over your shoulder.

JS invented the system to keep only those at the top getting the action. So it's not really ironic. The tragedy, however, is that today's GAs get none of the polygamous benefits their predecessors did.

99% of those kids getting sealed in the temple lied to get there. Pure and simple. The fear of being shunned and judged by the family & community are what leads onto the chaste apperance. They are terrified of the consequences should anyone find out. By church standards anything more than hand holding is pretty much out. Even extended kissing is advised against. I was married prior the temple but I can tell you that we had no problems trying one another out before making the purchase. :)

Why is "chaste" a virtue? I really have a problem with the whole "virgin = good" mentality. I don't know where it came from...is it really a religious value? Can anyone find a biblical quote that people should NEVEr have "relations" before marriage - or is it - once you commit, don't do your committed to wrong...cause that will result in some really bad sh##t.

anyone?

is it a value we want to accept?

I'd been inactive for 6 years. I lived with my fiancee for 2 weeks before we got married. Some total strangers that I've never seen or talked to excommunicated me.

In my mind making a commitment like that and not being sure you are compatable that way is plain stupid.

Why is it so hard to believe you could stay together and not have sex.. Hell. .that was the standard in my 28 year marriage... LOL.

And >. I'm not kidding.

Well. .I had sex a few times.. .but not much.

because of Mormonism. My first wife of nearly 40 years, and my wife in a second marriage now just over 4 years. So it happens.

I have no problem with people having premarital sex. In fact, I generally think it is a good idea (and I participated in it). What gets me is the facade of wholesome purity while "disobeying" what appears to be a central tenet of the religion. It really gets my ire up, and I have a very hard time being around those people. Obviously, it is the hypocrisy that is bothersome, but there are lots of things that people do which are hypocritical. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me.

My prior post wasn't really in reference to XX-Man...I need to read the posting FAQs to figure out how to post things where I want them....

gotta take the car for a spin before you buy it right? I feel bad for all the goody two shoes molly mormons who have no idea what good sex is. How kinky are you really allowed to get as a TBM? Then there are all the missionaries that come home and get married to have the sex...sad sad sad.