Posted by:
SusieQ#1
(
)
Date: May 16, 2012 02:23PM
From the very beginning, I found an outlet for my process and this board was one of them.
Updated --
1. THE FOG-DAZE STAGE!
What happened? Saw WHAT???
This is what happened while reading on line (Dr. Shades --to be exact) in the spring of 1999, when I realized that there were no golden plates, no translations, the BOM was fiction, Joseph Smith Jr. told such amazing claims (while plagiarizing everything in sight) that no wonder it didn't always make sense. He created a believable (to some) God Myth, something that had not been done for a very long time.
OH MY GOSH! It was JOE! I couldn't get over how clever this whole thing was!
Joe-Joe-it was YOU! The core was the problem,that's what was wrong with the picture! The whole premise could be considered a sham, magic trick all rolled into a fantastic God Myth! No wonder when I worked with educators and arm chair historians in the church they would only teach: Faith Promoting history to protect the delicate testimonies"...... and keep the tithing coming in!
The epiphany -- light bulb went off!
This is where I jumped up off my computer chair punching the air saying: "YES! YES! YES!"
It hit me like 4th of July fireworks going off and I started to snicker, the more I read, the more I laughed! I knew there was something wrong and I was right all along. It is them, not me! I could trust myself after all. What a boost to my self confidence and self respect!
For years, I kept thinking: "what is wrong with this picture." I thought it was just a few silly, pompous, sanctimonious, out of control, renegade leaders with a misplaced sense of responsibility acting like they had a little kingdom going, but no..no..that was not the real reason..nothing made sense. And it didn't make sense because it was sold as factually true when it was not.
Then, all of a sudden it made sense: Mormonism only makes sense in 19th century America before the Information Age, and the Internet! It worked because of the times. It was cemented by faith and belief into the core original believers who handed it down from generation to generation creating their very own unique religious tribe part of American history.
This was followed very, very closely by....
2. THE STUNNED HUMOR STAGE!
Oh My Holy Garments!
Millions of Mormons are still believing what Joseph Smith Jr. claimed and paying 10% (minimum) for the privilege, while wearing regulation skivvies, and going to the temple doing what could be called: bastardized Masonic rituals. Even the markings are the same. That was new to me!
3. THIS IS NOT FUNNY STAGE!
What a cotton-picking minute here. This is not funny-funny; this is just a bit... well... bizarre. What did I miss?
Every one of those characters, ( original family and friends), led by Joseph Smith Jr went along with him from the get-go! What an amazing character! He had those people believing everything he said (had some nasty arguments at times though), but he prevailed and the church membership grew. He even managed to institute polygamy and got away with it even though it was illegal in every state. Then there was Brigham Young and his creative abilities and how he,acting as a dictator, predominately, shaped the religion for decades in the 1800's in Utah. His influence is still felt there and other areas.
4.THE SPONGE STAGE.
Constant reading, can't get enough, have to know every last thing I can learn about Mormonism's history and how it functions from their own sources.
This is also the grateful stage for how they kept records. The members wrote everything down! Their own web site was a gold mine of information!
What a great find: those silly facsimiles in the Book of Abraham are very embarrassing, if you ask me. Some think they will disappear in the next publication. I doubt it. There is even an 1856 translation (from a Frenchman) of this piece of so called translation that shoots Joseph Smith Jr out of the water, including many since. But he had what it took to make claims and have people believe him. They still do, by the hundreds of thousands, even millions. That's the power of his God Myth.
The official site, (note: now they are removed!) had BH Roberts Comprehensive History - all 6 vol's of it, and the Journal of Discourses , all 26 vol's of it too.
They can be read in hard copy. Go to any ward/stake library or Institute of Religion library. They usually have them in their 'REFERENCE' section which, means, of course, that you have to read them in their tiny little libraries!
One of the many books I bought was the Donna Hill book "The First Mormon Prophet" which my TBM husband, in a fit of terror and fear, took to church to show to the Institute Director, without my knowledge, of course. Later, he returned it and said that the Institute Director told him the book "had a bad spirit" and he would not recommend reading it.
The story gets better! A few weeks later, I went to the Institute of Religion to look up some books in their library and was reading in the Reference Section which included:
"History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" 7 Vol's by Joseph Smith Jr
"A Comprehensive History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints"
6 Vol's by B H Roberts
"Readings in L.D.S. Church History from Original Manuscripts" 3 Vol's by William E. Berrett & Alma P Burton
"Journal of Discourses" 26 vol's
I had been there for awhile, table piled with books, when the Institute Director came in asking how I was doing, making a point to tell me he was looking for a D&C. I suspected he came in because he could hear me snickering in that little room! (Some of their original history is really quite funny!)
I made some remarks to him about the early history and he, (with furrowed brow, in hushed tones) talked about how hard it must have been for the early Saints to live the Gospel, etc. I made some remark about the Word of Wisdom and he could not recall which section it was in. I feigned that I had picked the wrong one, was one chapter off!
I told him that I had received a huge sheet of my probably genealogical history (did not know my biological father) and he asked if I had "done the work for them." I told him that I would never do that as I did not have permission from them. I think that caught him so off guard, he had nothing more to say!
Then while looking at books to check out, I noticed the Donna Hill book right on the shelf of the Institute of Religion library. Guess the bad spirit was not so bad he could not have it right there to be checked out! I came home and told my husband that if he wanted to, he could check out that one and read it, apparently it had a better "spirit." :-)
Also, I noticed a complete paper back edition of the BH Roberts "The Comprehensive History of the Church of Latter-day Saints," and picked it up to see if it was the same as the hard back editions. It appeared to have never been opened. I checked them out, making up a new library card, and leaving it with the elderly Institute Missionaries and went home.
While thumbing through them I noticed my own address label in the back of one of the books. Holy Cow! I had purchased those back in about 1978 and left them somewhere and they ended up in the library! Those were my books!! What a find!!
Then I went home and hauled out our whole Mormon Church library and found that we owned a 1953 first edition of the Berrett and Burton text books: "Readings in L.D.S. Church History From Original Manuscripts" 3 vol's by Willian E. Berrett and Alma P. Burton, Published by Deseret Book SLC 1953! It was a text book by TBM husband has used at BYU in the late 50's and the set was in the Reference Section of the library. It has some of the most interesting LDS Church history not found anywhere else, including thousands of quotes from early members.
This is where I also sought out Internet support and found dozens of people who were leaving Mormonism. What a great relief!
Hallelujah, pass the potatoes, I read while eating and went to bed and dreamed about it.
5. The HOLY COW STAGE!
This is amazingly intrusive stuff. I didn't realize it at the time, as it all happened so gradual. But, they trampled on my personal rights, my privacy, my naked body (in the temple under that shield), and told me it was what Heavenly Father wanted. Hmmm... I don't think so. Didn't make sense at the time.
What was I thinking? Time to revamp that thinking! And I did. I changed my mind! I did not need Mormonism. I was done.
6. THE SECOND "ONLY TRUE" HUMOR STAGE!
Mormonism is just too funny, goofy, outrageous to take seriously, at times, except when they are killing people, of course. I needed to be in that place where I could have a good laugh at myself and what I though was so important at one time and experience how healing that is!
7. THE SEPARATION STAGE!
This is where I examined my life, all of it; before Mormonism, as a convert, and as a totally immersed, believing Mormon and figured out what happened on a mental, psychological, and emotional level and took apart the layers of it's impact, both the negative and the positive.
I had been concerned for years about what I witnessed: too many leaders with too little or no expertise advising people about things that basically, are none of their business much of the time. More that didn't make sense.
8. THE NEW WORLD VIEW STAGE: ENLIGHTENMENT!!
This is the point where I researched for hours, and hours; read books--a couple dozen books, and read about other people's beliefs and decided what I wanted for myself, knowing it was an evolutionary process, and I could change my mind at any point. How delicious! I could change my mind and there was no one-true-way -- I had been bamboozled in my naivety and I was not going to let that happen again!
Now, I call myself an Eccentric Eclectic because I like a little bit of a lot of beliefs, notions, ideas. Perhaps a lot of you are a lot like me.
I am part: AGNOSTIC:
This is safe and the most accurate. To say you are atheist is so politically incorrect, and unacceptable in this day and age that it is suicide to try to run for office, for instance, also, so many people believe that atheism is of the devil that many relationships are cut off before they begin because of this prejudice.
I find that calling myself an agnostic is preferable and works best for my own survival on many levels. Because I live in a predominant Judeo-Christian society (like most of us posting here) to be too far out of it causes more problems that it solves.
I am also part ATHEIST:
I have been known to say I am a "soft" atheist - taking the default position of non-belief in the unsupported theist claim of a God - which is not the same thing as taking the position of no gods.
I reserve the term: God for that which is currently unexplainable and use it as a metaphor, figure of speech.
I am part SKEPTIC
I want a lot of verifiable information from state of the art sources before I add my allegiance. I do not automatically believe someone because of who they are, what they believe or just because they said so.
I am part HUMANIST
American Humanist - "Humanism is a progressive lifestance, free of supernaturalism, which affirms our ability and responsibility to lead meaningful, ethical lives that add to the greater good of humanity."
Again, I am not sure about the "supernaturalism" part, because I allow for all possibilities. Again, I want verifiable evidences.
I like a few BUDDHIST ideas also, and I stir all this up with a good dose of humor, satire, and just plain fun!
At this point, I have been on the outside of Mormonism since 1998.
My official resignation date from the Mormon Church is (get this -- could not have planned it) JUNE 27, 2002! What a way to celebrate the shoot-out at Carthage Jail: June 27, 1844!
Coincidently, I had titled my "Story" -- written in pieces a few years before I officially resigned: "From Mormonism to Eccentric Eclectic--From Saint to Ain't. My Love Affair with Joseph Smith Jr. and How It Ended." (Latest draft - I am never quite "done." with it)
In the exit process from Mormonism, I have become passionate about freedom of religion, full disclosure and informed consent and informed choice.
I have been shaped by some of the prevailing values in my prior beliefs in Spiritualism, Christianity and Mormonism, however, I can find no reason to believe that those values are exclusive to those beliefs alone. Humanity has always been a borrower -- taking from older ideas and revamping them. Mormonism is not really that unique. It follows the same patterns of most religions.
A little study and research showed clearly that there are thousands of gods, female ones long predate male ones and how would one choose? So many gods, so little time, so many heavens, so little time, so many myths, so little time.
It became apparent that we are mostly a product of the geography of our birth.
The closer I get to the end of my life, the more I realize that I do not need answers to where I came from and where I am going.
There are thousands of answers to those questions and not a one of them has any real evidences that satisfy the skeptic in me and I am not interested in just relying on faith. Been there done that, and it is unsatisfactory.
I prefer to place my faith in all things, just not in a supreme being, a God, (personalized or otherwise) or creator. I demand something substantial, something supported by evidence to place my faith in.
It is not necessary to my sense of well being, my self confidence, my self esteem, my self respect, or how I treat other people, or how I view my place in the world to subscribe to the God Myths-beliefs.
It is, however, extremely liberating and freeing to know I am not bound by those old myths, teachings, beliefs and am free to think and believe anything I wish without fear of recrimination from some outside source.
I am very grateful that I figured that out with enough years left to totally enjoy it!
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2012 10:53PM by SusieQ#1.