I had a good morning, and a good afternoon. I got a lot accomplished. I ran a 5k, I organized the shit out of my shit - just had a nice day being productive.

About an hour or so ago, my body just shut down.

I'm moving like a 90 year old. It took all of my strength to take a bath and get ready for bed.

I just feel like shit. It's not so much that I'm "triggering" or anything - I just have an incredible malaise. And not one that's the same as getting the flu.

I just feel old. And broken. Both mentally and physically.

A profound contrast to what this morning and afternoon was like.

I'm going to bed.

You are old and broken. I meant to tell you, but forgot.

I was being a smart-ass before, but when this happened to me a few months ago they thought I was having a heart attack and I went to the emergency room. In short order I had an angiogram, but the doctor said my heart looked great. Now they're thinking have some kind of bad craziness like panic attacks or something. Personally, I think it was something more chemical, like lack of electrolytes

Rest well RJ.

Peace

Sounds like you need a good medical check-up. Seriously!

Honey, you've been through an extremely stressful time. Of course you are going to feel drained and worn out. Just give yourself some TLC tonight and tomorrow. Rest, healthy food - just be gentle with yourself. Then Monday call a doctor and get that checkup Richard suggested. It's amazing what some tweeking of your diet and medications can do for your outlook on life. You just have to hit the right combo of things and refuse to give up on yourself til you do. If someone you loved felt like you do, what would you tell them t do? Do that.

And you aren't old - I'm reading your book and doing the math and I figure you are considerably younger than me. And I KNOW I'm not old. So you are still young by default :)

When's the last time you eviscerated your prey?

I am a fellow PTSD sufferer. Not from the church, but an abusive marriage. There is no rhyme or reason when it will trigger or even who.

But what you have desribed this week is all to familiar. And to those who don;t understand it's easy for them to not see how painful and destructive it can be.

Seemingly overnight. I agree that you should continue to make the changes in your life that give you peace and strength.

The ex is dead and has been for 20 years. And it still happens.
You have a great support system here. And hopefully as your journey continues you will have a large one IRL.

Rest well my friend...and time will pass. And sometimes that is the only thing that makes it better.

young man, did you ask for a father's blessing before going to bed for strength and health?

It's taken me a long time to learn to pace myself. It's very possible that you just did too much today while feeling good and then it all suddenly caught up with you.

Also, it's going to take time to rebuild your strength. You've been very low and on edge for many years. It's kind of like recovering from a very intense illness. You feel better one day and feel like you're back where you started the next.

Get plenty of rest. Drink plenty of fluids. Take multi-vitamins (and D3) and pamper yourself a little. I'm a mom and that means I can play doctor on the internet. ;)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/13/2012 02:44AM by Rebeckah.

I think that's what's happening to you, RJ.

That was my first thought. It's very hard on the body when it's "burned" off all the adrenaline. You fell like you've been through a nasty car wreck or a gruesome fight.

I echo what CA Girl said. Rest and eat some very nutrient rich foods with stuff like B-12, B-6, and selenium (foods like Brazil nuts and legumes). Selenium is supposed to help with stress and depression. These foods can help replenish your likely diminished supplies. Red meat and greens might be helpful as well.

Hope you feel better.

My body frequently reminds my brain how old I really am :-/ On the bright side you got your #$%& organized ;-)

Sounds chemical. Might be wise to return and report to the shrink as well as getting the physical.

Best and hugs,

Ana

Find someone to talk to who knows what they're talking about and how they should talk back to you!

I agree with Anagrammy: it sounds chemical.

(What else could it be?)

Your neurochemical metabolism is screwed up due to your anxiety disorder. The important thing is to recognize what it is, and know that it will get better. You've been through a lot--as has your brain. Be gentle with it. Give yourself lots of time to heal, and try not to do too much. Time will heal you, along with the right meds to stabilize your neurochemical metabolism until you can heal.

Take It Easy,

Steve

Finding an activity that helps is important too.

I like riding a bike--it's soothing, whereas riding my exercycle is not. Finding a form of exercise you can do that you ENJOY is also key.

This might be a good time in your life to try some new ways to get your body moving rhythmically.

Many famous writers used dogs to motivate themselves to get out and walk. Pets also help regulate breathing and blood pressure, as one poster mentioned.

Hugs

Anagrammy

I hope today is brighter my lord. Sending good vibes your way.

And it was mostly fine except for the uncontrollable shaking periods.

I don't want to call them seizures because you are either fully conscious when you have them or you have them while in your sleep - but you can be woken up.

I completely forgot about them until now. The last time that happened was right after my mission.

They really freaked me out then, and at the time I thought that I was just being overdramatic and "wanted attention."

Until I realized that I was sleeping completely alone.

Who was I getting attention from?

No one.

It's just difficult to explain while you are going through it because you are most likely conscious. Why can't you control it? You should be able to?

But you can't.

It's almost as if you are detoxing from a hard drug....

I can relate. I have found this amino acid called L-theanine. It helps the adrenals to control cortisol. You can google it. It doesn't tranquilize so I can use it night or day. It helps stop the shaking.

I have woken myself up with jerking limbs. Also I use this powder at night called magnesium serene. I buy this online since the health food stores charge double. You disolve the powder in boiing water and sip it like coffee. It helps everything.

I used to think I would get over an episode and since the trigger was dead I would be healed. Not so.
My daughter is in a realtionship for 10 years with a guy who did some things that reminded me of him. There went the whole summer.
My poor hubby could not understand the whole fight or flight thing day and night. It just sucks. When I was young I loved adrenalin rushes. Now I hate it cause I am never sure what it means and how long it will last.

And as some one mentioned it's good to pace yourself when you get those.

Relax today, you are a great writer. Maybe you can express some of this in words.

Can you reccomend a good provider for these products? I've found natural remedies to have tangible results, but the industry is completely unregulated. There is science behind theanine, but with no FDA regulation of dietary supplements, for all you know it could be nothing more than a capsule of rice flour.

Anyway what provider do you reccomend?

Here is where I go for my herbs:
Meridianbotanicals.com

I would recommend studying Muira Puama, or Mucuna Pruriens, both act the way theanine does with some differences, and both should be taken with green tea.

Of course, this is a place to buy loose herbs, there is even less regulation than over what you can buy in capsules from health food stores. That's why I recommend studying them first. Those two and passionflower have been immensely useful for my anxiety.

I had the shaking to a certain extent as part of my thyroid turned into a small goiter with a large cyst. Might be worthwhile to have yours palpated or scanned. According to TSH testing I was fine, but something was wrong in the half I had removed.
Hyperthyroid could cause a lot of your symptoms, but so many things could, and of course PTSD fits best. I would hate to see an underlying problem making things worse for you.

I have run into that wall of STOP NOW that you describe, and learning to pace myself does help. Some. Sometimes it doesn't.
I know my problems are also mental and not just physical. There is a very complicated set of systems that keep us going. I also recommend magnesium as someone else did above, and a good multivitamin along with nutritiously dense foods.


Hang in there!

If this is a recurring thing you should probably see a doctor about it, bro... before thinking of taking any sort of med or supplement. The least that can do is to rule the bad stuff out. Hopefully you're feeling better and better now after a good rest, though.

My husband started shaking one sunday at the end of sacrament meeting. and crying. They took him to the hospital. It was stress.

He then went thru a 'thinking period' where he thot of what he wanted from the rest of his life. He ended up quitting his job of 9 years truck driving and going back to school.

We found out the first day of school for him (btw we were 40 & 42 at the time) that i was pregnant. I was sick for the next 4 or 5 mths. He attended school and then his sick wife and then did homework. When i had the baby, i had ocd along with it ( the kind where i have to keep hand washing or stay away from cleaning so i don't have to wash my hands and stuff).

Then he did some co-op. He applied for a full time job and so we moved from our families and 20 years of living in the same city. We moved 5 hrs north where we knew no one. Did NOT attend church because of my ocd- i needed him at home because my anxiety was so high.

Just saying this because it's been 7 years since that panic attack??? shaking thing??? and our lives are 1000% better.

But like my husband says: it's brutal while you're going thru it!!!

Hang in there!!! Even gods have to handle one day at a time. And yes, it takes time to heal, too. I hope that you find a job that's more to your liking, and that things work out for you. spend some time just being, instead of doing. Time watching a waterfall, or listening to music or watching the clouds go by.

My best to you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/13/2012 08:06PM by karin.

PTSD is something I can relate well to. Twice in my life I've gone through the hell of the outright mental assault that it unleashes on your psyche.

For me the critical factor has been identifying and eliminating the triggers--and that's a lot more difficult to do than it sounds. Triggers can be anything, smells, sounds, phrases, certain people and virtually anything.

I've done a lot of pruning, if you will, in my life and eliminated situations, items and especially people. I tell myself, "The best interaction with so-and-so, is no interaction with so-and-so." It's difficult to do but for me it's neccessary. For my health, my sanity, and my emotional well-being there are just some people that need to be cut out of my life and that is what I have done.

One of the big triggers for me was the Church itself. It made me miserable. Cutting it out (or at least reducing it to minimal contact) has been enormously beneficial. It's difficult to explain to family that not only is the Church not the solution, it's the problem...and so too are you when you make it an issue...that's hard to say to someone you love.

Nothing is worth your mental and emotional health because without it you don't really have anything else. Do whatever it takes to get it back and spend as much time as you need. And let's go get a sandwich and a drink again sometime soon.

MiB

thanks to LDS Inc and its MORmONISM, I often felt like that as a teen ager! HAULING ASS to get up at 4 to 5 AM in the morning to get chores done before getting ready to go to early morning seminary before going to school. HAULING ASS to get chores done after getting home from school so I could HAUL ASS to go to Mutual /MIA as the stupid ass MORmONS called it back then. HAULING ASS to the temple on Saturday to Save dead ppl. DEAD PPL ARE WAITING YOU KNOW ! HAUL ASS to CHURCH on Sunday so it could be the day of not nearly as much rest as we wanted or needed. ALWAYS Hauling ASS to do something because of a hectic overloaded schedule that was grossly over burdened with tasks the MORmON church had dictated.
The Lords work must be done!

You had quite a day...I'd feel broken also. Don't be so hard on yourself. Two days of good sleep should fix you right up.

Do you know what your blood sugars look like? If you go insulin resistant, sugar can build up in your blood because the cells are not burning it as they should. It's like cutting off the fuel line to your car.

The other side would be to go into low blood sugar where your blood doesn't have enough fuel in the first place. In this case the fuel line works, but you're just out of gas.

Your doctor might be able to lend you a blood testing meter and test strips to use for a week or so.

Strange things start happening when your cells stop getting the fuel (sugar) they need. Either one of the two problems above can cause fatigue, confusion or odd physical reactions.

Others are offering you knowledgable & helpful advice.

All I can offer is a cyber hug and, "I care." Please take care of yourself.

I'm sorry, Raptor Jesus.

All I can offer you is a song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jz706sJMjg&feature=related

My fibromyalgia brings on the same symptoms - really frustrating when you know how you 'really' should feel. Pacing myself and allowing down time after a mentally or physically stressful time means I do not further exacerbate the symptoms. You probably know this though.

Yesterday we were going into the hardware store for a few needed items. As my DH pulled the car into the parking space I felt like I did the day my car was hit in September, I had to fight to stay in the seat and breath despite knowing there was nothing wrong. The old Buick is wide, there was a large red truck on my side of the parking space and in my head we were collided with metal scraping and crunching... my doctor told me it is PTSD several months ago... another layer to work through/with.

Rest up, good luck.

You ran a 5K after all you've been through lately? You should be proud! I never could manage that if I had half as much going on.

Speaking from my experience only, I've found that medical problems (for me, EXTREMELY low B12) made determining what was a physical/medical problem and what was psychological/emotional problem more difficult. Many times, for me, it was a combination of both.

I strongly agree with the advice by others in this thread. I will add some of my own. You got a s**t-ton of stuff done--give yourself credit! Of course you're tired, you ran a 5k, you used a pile of mental energy organizing, and you did all this when you were in less-than-optimal emotional and physical (weaker because of drain from emotional stuff, lack of consistent sleep) shape.

You are going through major life shifts in several areas. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Give yourself permission to be tired if you are tired. It's not a character flaw.

Please find a good doctor and get a checkup. You deserve to be physically healthy as well as emotionally healthy. I know you can do this!

With all the denial of self that the church teaches both covertly and overtly, I bet a lot of exmos aren't as in touch with their own needs as they ought to be. I struggled with this for a long time, but reading something prompted me to realise that if I treated anyone else the way I did myself, it would be very nearly abusive.

And I still struggle, especially now that I am somewhere less than optimum, healthwise. I can't keep up with my husband and his pals. They are all strapping six foot tall 40 year olds. I am 5'3", 34, half their weight, and my health took a nosedive when I got married. Kind of like it was suddenly safe to rely on someone else, and my body said, "'Bout time! *collapse*"

Pacing myself, taking a sit down the moment I think I miiiight need one... Even five minutes helps!
Part of my biggest challenge is my desk job. On the weekends I can putter around all day, and feel pretty good by Monday, but after four days in a chair, I feel very bad.
It's hurting me, but it pays well.