My 18 year old nephew died suddenly on Monday. He was the oldest of all the cousins and the definition of "golden boy". When my kids were little, we lived in the same apartment complex as my husband's sister, her husband, this nephew and a niece and so my children have always been very close to this cousin. He was like the leader of the kids and very sweet with all of them, even the little girls. Even though we live in different towns, almost every holiday and many vacations have been spent with their family.
It came as a total shock. My FIL has terminal cancer so we've all been watching and worrying about him, although he is doing extremely well. This came out of nowhere - totally unexpected. At least we were all able to make it to the hospital to say good-bye to him before they took him off life support. I can't believe he's gone. It just didn't seem possible. Yesterday I kept logging on to RfM but I couldn't post this because if I couldn't even bear to write about it. I can't imagine how his mother feels. She told me "He's my oldest child - he made me a mother. Every minute I've been a mother has been spent with him."
Anyway, thanks for listening. I needed to tell someone who wouldn't try to comfort me with "Heavenly Father's Plan" or the idea that my nephew getting to serve a mission in heaven. There may be a plan and a reason for things that happen, but I'm sure it isn't the Mormon plan and just needed to run this by others who will agree with that.
Death is difficult. Unexpected is even harder. The unexpected death of a young person is just tragic. Warm thoughts to you, your family and to his family. I hope you can all find a place of peace and acceptance.
For what it's worth, it is not "part of Heavenly Father's plan." If there were a so-called "heavenly father," he wouldn't be snatching kids in the night to make them do stuff for him in another world as Mormon heavenly father is always doing. I'm so sorry for your loss, particularly in that it was sudden and unexpected. I sincerely hope that you will be able to find comfort with your other relatives during this time. I hope you can encourage each other to find strength and comfort rather than meaning during this sad and challenging time.
He will live on in the hearts of friends and family. He will live in their memories. He will live on in mementos and pictures. Sounds like he went peacefully and had the added privilege of having loved ones close by at the end. Most all of us would want such an ending. Few of us will get it. It was more fortunate an event than the sadness of missing him and letting him go implies. I hope I am as lucky as he.
I saw this posted in a thread elsewhere about the death of a child, and I thought it was profound and comforting. I know no words can ease the pain, and time doesn't heal all wounds, but hopefully in time you'll be able to look past the sadness and remember the happy times you shared with your nephew.
"Everyone of us owes a death as the price for life. It's a tragedy when we pay it back too early.
But still, your nephew was old enough to have had happy times, and you need to hold those good times with you, as I am confident you will feel that the world was better off for his existing, despite how quickly he returned to the Earth.
Life is fragile, and therein lies it's beauty.
He touched your life, and many other lives, and those lives are forever altered, even if minutely, by his presence. In that light, he altered the course of time, and his mark will remain for eternity."
I am so sorry! :-(right Your post brought tears to my eyes, I can't even imagine such a loss! I also find the comments and posts others have made on here so comforting. Thos really IS an amazing board :) Many hugs*
Sending you virtual hugs,good thoughts, and comforting vibes. I really am truly sorry. I just can't imagine how a mother can deal with such loss. I hope you and the rest of the family can find peace and comfort.
It's an honour that you could share this sadness with us. I hope our condolences can offer some small comfort in your world. Your nephew sounds like a great person who did good even though his time was way too short. Take care of you and yours in this time of grief and please accept my warm thoughts towards you and your family as you try to cope with this tragedy. All the best to you.
There is little one can say that really comforts. Someone said one thing to me that did help.
Every star represents a memory of your loved one--they will always be there as a reminder that he lives in your heart forever.
One thing you can do that will comfort both you and his mother is to make a lovely memory book with his picture on the front. In it recount all the great memories you have that she might not even know of--the kindnesses, the rascal times, the touching moments, and the joy he brought to you and the kids.
This tells her that he will not be forgotten and that's a comfort to a grieving mother.
I understand the 'HF plan' and 'he's in a better place' crap makes people feel better, but sometimes I think it's better to just say, "a terrible thing happened and somehow we will get through it. I don't know how, but we will."
Thanks everybody. I really don't know how we will get through it but as Tauna said, we will. I told my kids that things would get back to normal, just a different normal where we would always miss him but we would go on. Thank you everyone for taking the time to listen and comfort.
Thanks again everyone. We are taking it day by day. DH is with his sister right now. As you can imagine, she's totally devastated and he's her favorite person in the family so hopefully his presence is comforting to her and the kids.