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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:34AM

My 18 year old nephew died suddenly on Monday. He was the oldest of all the cousins and the definition of "golden boy". When my kids were little, we lived in the same apartment complex as my husband's sister, her husband, this nephew and a niece and so my children have always been very close to this cousin. He was like the leader of the kids and very sweet with all of them, even the little girls. Even though we live in different towns, almost every holiday and many vacations have been spent with their family.

It came as a total shock. My FIL has terminal cancer so we've all been watching and worrying about him, although he is doing extremely well. This came out of nowhere - totally unexpected. At least we were all able to make it to the hospital to say good-bye to him before they took him off life support. I can't believe he's gone. It just didn't seem possible. Yesterday I kept logging on to RfM but I couldn't post this because if I couldn't even bear to write about it. I can't imagine how his mother feels. She told me "He's my oldest child - he made me a mother. Every minute I've been a mother has been spent with him."

Anyway, thanks for listening. I needed to tell someone who wouldn't try to comfort me with "Heavenly Father's Plan" or the idea that my nephew getting to serve a mission in heaven. There may be a plan and a reason for things that happen, but I'm sure it isn't the Mormon plan and just needed to run this by others who will agree with that.

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Posted by: Laban's Head ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:44AM

Death is difficult. Unexpected is even harder. The unexpected death of a young person is just tragic. Warm thoughts to you, your family and to his family. I hope you can all find a place of peace and acceptance.

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Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:45AM

For what it's worth, it is not "part of Heavenly Father's plan." If there were a so-called "heavenly father," he wouldn't be snatching kids in the night to make them do stuff for him in another world as Mormon heavenly father is always doing. I'm so sorry for your loss, particularly in that it was sudden and unexpected. I sincerely hope that you will be able to find comfort with your other relatives during this time. I hope you can encourage each other to find strength and comfort rather than meaning during this sad and challenging time.

Best,
mt

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Posted by: AmIDarkNow? ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:49AM

He will live on in the hearts of friends and family. He will live in their memories. He will live on in mementos and pictures. Sounds like he went peacefully and had the added privilege of having loved ones close by at the end. Most all of us would want such an ending. Few of us will get it. It was more fortunate an event than the sadness of missing him and letting him go implies. I hope I am as lucky as he.

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Posted by: winklebottom ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:52AM

I saw this posted in a thread elsewhere about the death of a child, and I thought it was profound and comforting. I know no words can ease the pain, and time doesn't heal all wounds, but hopefully in time you'll be able to look past the sadness and remember the happy times you shared with your nephew.

"Everyone of us owes a death as the price for life. It's a tragedy when we pay it back too early.

But still, your nephew was old enough to have had happy times, and you need to hold those good times with you, as I am confident you will feel that the world was better off for his existing, despite how quickly he returned to the Earth.

Life is fragile, and therein lies it's beauty.

He touched your life, and many other lives, and those lives are forever altered, even if minutely, by his presence. In that light, he altered the course of time, and his mark will remain for eternity."

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Posted by: michael ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:53AM

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your nephew. May G-D (however you see Him or Her) comfort you and your family as He does all mourners in Zion and Jerusalem.

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Posted by: Lost Mystic ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 10:55AM

(((hugs)))

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:06AM


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Posted by: JoD3:360 ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:09AM

I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope that you and the families will find comforting in the days ahead.

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Posted by: Lorraine aka síóg ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:11AM


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Posted by: tiptoes ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:14AM

(((CA Girl))) and loves

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:15AM


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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:18AM


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Posted by: scooter ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:24AM


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Posted by: Bluebonnet ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:26AM

(((hugs)))

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Posted by: mothermayeye ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:33AM

I am so sorry! :-(right Your post brought tears to my eyes, I can't even imagine such a loss! I also find the comments and posts others have made on here so comforting. Thos really IS an amazing board :)
Many hugs*

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Posted by: PinkPoodle ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:37AM

Sending you virtual hugs,good thoughts, and comforting vibes. I really am truly sorry. I just can't imagine how a mother can deal with such loss. I hope you and the rest of the family can find peace and comfort.

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Posted by: goatsgotohell ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:44AM

Your SIL's words broke my heart. Take care of yourselves. Hope there is some comfort in the love of strangers.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:45AM

Oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a shock. We just never know when our time is up. Life is short. We have our memories to sustain us.

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Posted by: BI ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 12:18PM

:_( So sorry Ca girl.

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Posted by: badseed ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 12:22PM

You're in all of our thoughts. Hope you find some comfort and peace soon.

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 01:41PM

It's an honour that you could share this sadness with us. I hope our condolences can offer some small comfort in your world. Your nephew sounds like a great person who did good even though his time was way too short. Take care of you and yours in this time of grief and please accept my warm thoughts towards you and your family as you try to cope with this tragedy. All the best to you.

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Posted by: Timothy ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 01:46PM


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Posted by: bignevermo ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 02:02PM

Thanks Nighty for expressing so well what us writing challenged people cant!! :)
so sorry for your loss CA Girl!

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Posted by: brett ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 01:52PM

So sorry to hear this. In life, love and pain go hand in hand. But the joy of loving someone far outweighs the pain of their passing. May you find peace in the memories you have of him.

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Posted by: Sorcha ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 02:09PM

OMG!!! I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

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Posted by: anagrammy ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 02:12PM

There is little one can say that really comforts. Someone said one thing to me that did help.

Every star represents a memory of your loved one--they will always be there as a reminder that he lives in your heart forever.

One thing you can do that will comfort both you and his mother is to make a lovely memory book with his picture on the front. In it recount all the great memories you have that she might not even know of--the kindnesses, the rascal times, the touching moments, and the joy he brought to you and the kids.

This tells her that he will not be forgotten and that's a comfort to a grieving mother.

My heart goes out to you, CAgirl,

Anagrammy

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Posted by: karin ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 03:38PM

I hope you find some measure of peace in the weeks ahead.

((hugs))

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Posted by: 2thdoc ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 03:44PM


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Posted by: quebec ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 03:49PM

Long live the great memories you have of him.

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Posted by: Hervey Willets ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 05:08PM


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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 05:09PM

Hugs to you, California Girl.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 05:16PM

Know that you are appreciated here.

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Posted by: angsty ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:05PM

I don't have words. My condolences to you and your family. <3

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Posted by: Taddlywog ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:08PM

Sorry for your loss.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:11PM

I'm so sorry, CA Girl. I hope that measures of comfort, both large and small, find their way to you and your family.

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Posted by: derrida ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:35PM

Sorry for your loss and pain CA girl. Life is short, death is certain(-- a Baptist minister)

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Posted by: Tauna ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:39PM

I understand the 'HF plan' and 'he's in a better place' crap makes people feel better, but sometimes I think it's better to just say, "a terrible thing happened and somehow we will get through it. I don't know how, but we will."

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 06:43PM

Thanks everybody. I really don't know how we will get through it but as Tauna said, we will. I told my kids that things would get back to normal, just a different normal where we would always miss him but we would go on. Thank you everyone for taking the time to listen and comfort.

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 08:41PM

How awful. I'm so sorry. My condolences go out to you and your family.

I lost my best friend when I was only 16, so I know what a shock it is when you lose someone young. It's just so unexpected and you go into disbelief and shock.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:00PM

So sad. It's hard to wrap our heads around something like this. We never expect our loved ones to die so young. My condolences to your family. Peace.

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Posted by: Calypso ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:01PM


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Posted by: bona dea ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:04PM

Sorry for your loss. I lost a 2 year old nephew a few years ago. He died in his sleep with no warning. Sudden deaths of young people are the worst.

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Posted by: Itzpapalotl ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 03:55PM

Yes, it is so tragic when the young ones are taken. So sorry for your loss.

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Posted by: Tems-in-BC ( )
Date: October 20, 2012 03:53AM

I am so sorry for your families loss :( I know your pain. My sisters oldest son also passed away from cancer. He has been gone 4 years now and was 10 when he died. *hugz*

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Posted by: Helen ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:39PM

So sorry this grief is yours.

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Posted by: Adult of god ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:42PM

I'm so sorry.

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Posted by: Nevermodoc ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 09:54PM

Cyber ((( hugs ))) from Minnesota to you and your family.

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Posted by: mollienomore ( )
Date: May 09, 2012 11:52PM

Im so sorry for your loss. My 16 year old nephew lost his battle with spindle cell sarcoma just 3 short years ago. ((((((loves))))))))))

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Posted by: doubleb ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 12:30AM

My condolences, CA Girl. Love your posts and your spirit. Wishing you the best.

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Posted by: Surrender Dorothy ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 01:01AM

No words suffice for such a heartwrenching loss. Sending good thoughts to you and your family, CA Girl.

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Posted by: ginger ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 01:03AM

I'm sorry CA girl.

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Posted by: Fetal Deity ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 01:42AM

I hope you and your family can find comfort in your mourning. Thank you for sharing your experience and letting us get to know your nephew a little.

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Posted by: MexMom ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 01:58AM

Some things in life just never will make any sense. I'm so sorry. I send you big hugs from this Mex Mom.

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Posted by: gerry1962 ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 09:45AM

((((((HUGS)))))))

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Posted by: forbiddencokedrinker ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 09:52AM

I wish there was something magical I could say to take the pain away, but nothing can do that. I feel for you and your family, and I am so sorry this happened.

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Posted by: alex71ut ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 03:15PM


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Posted by: scarecrofromoz ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 03:20PM

(**Hugs**) to one of my favorite posters.

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 03:23PM

Thanks again everyone. We are taking it day by day. DH is with his sister right now. As you can imagine, she's totally devastated and he's her favorite person in the family so hopefully his presence is comforting to her and the kids.

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Posted by: tigerlady ( )
Date: May 10, 2012 04:04PM

Is he having a Mormon funeral? Hope it is about him and not turned into a missionary moment. So hard when a young person passes.

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