We see a lot of posts like that here on RfM. I'm convinced 75% of them are from mormon trolls who want to scare questioning mormons into staying, or are simply wishful thinking on the part of mos.

But even for the other 25%, there are some things you have to realize.

Launching mormonism isn't going to entirely purge all The Suck from your life.

What it will do is narrow the possible sources of Suck.

For many people, leaving the stresses of mormonism makes their lives much, much better.

But it won't necessarily alleviate money problems, relationship problems, addiction issues, et al.

Just keep that in mind. Being exmo is nice. It's NOT a panacea.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2012 01:54PM by helamonster.

It is like the movie "The Matrix." One character wanted to be plugged back into the matrix and live a happy life. Some people prefer the comfort of self deception over the harsh reality of the truth.

If you are not happy after leaving the church, by all means go get rebaptized and live your dream.

Truth is truth and is real. Either it is truth, not true or we don't know. Living a life in self deception is basically saying "what ever I decide is true, is true." Good luck with that.

Here's one from yesterday that raised more than a few flags in my mind:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,489625,489625#msg-489625

No reply from the OP is always a bad sign. The guy either offed himself or is off having a good laugh. Lack of a thank-you note says he or she didn't take heed of the advice.

I sometimes feel sorry for the newbies who've yet to experience this type of trolling. Being made to feel like a sucker doesn't sit well with most folks. ExMos take it even worse. The good news is that these threads generally generate very sound advice from new and old alike.

A teetering mo might ponder the advice and determine the cult isn't the be-all and end-all. Who knows?

Timothy

I pretty much KNEW it wasn't real, but just in case it was, I posted something encouraging.

I hate to see others in pain.
That said, I too, felt there was somethin a bit " off".
This trips me out.
Why would someone troll in this way?
It's kind of , no, it IS creepy. And very telling of the psychological issues said troll apologist must have.

Creepy. And wrong.
kinda like the whole Mormon mess.


eta: I agree with mia. epic backfire if this indeed was a troll.
A tbm looking for help with suicidal depression would
NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER,
recieve anything close to this outpouring of love and support from LD$ inc.
Ever.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2012 08:04PM by ambivalent exmo.

I never mind the suicide trolls because there are lurkers here who feel the same way as the faker, but they are not posting.

So the good advice that was given is not wasted at all.

Anagrammy

Even if only 25% are real, it is worth it to post. Because of this board, I called a hotline on a particularly , and it helped tremendously, maybe even keeping me alive, so thanks to all of you.

Didn't I read that this site gets over 1 million hits a day? I guarantee that at least one person needed to hear the words of encouragement, even if they were for a troll.

Even if OP was a troll, there was some good advice for anyone who might be feeling that way.

If that was a troll, I think their intention may have back fired. The reader gets to see the thoughtful, caring type of people exmormons are. They may be surprised to see that. I think a lot of mormons think we're so mired in misery we couldn't possibly be of use to anyone.

I always wonder where these good people were when I was in the church. Then I realize, everyone was so busy being busy they didn't have time or energy to genuinely reach out and help someone. Besides, we were all assigned to who we had to be nice to.

Leaving the Mormon Church is not in itself a guarantee of happiness. You can leave and your life can suck. Making your life happy takes some and, sometimes, some luck. What leaving the Mormon Church does do it give you the freedom to figure some things out for yourself. Sometimes that makes all the difference.

My favorites are the ones that make amazing unsubstantiated claims, like, "The Church saved me from drug addiction." or "The Church saved my marriage." and of course they do not in anyway articulate how the Church accomplished such a feat. So then you search for the username and it's a first post or new user. Then the poster never posts again and never substantiates any claims.

Do they think it inspires us? Do they think we can't see right through it?

I think that they actually think they are doing good and setting a good example. After all it's what they are trained to do. They don't know they do the Church more harm than good.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2012 02:42PM by The Man in Black.

Actually, I would not be surprised that the Church sometimes saves marriages or prevents drug addiction. I worked with a woman years ago whom the church helped give up her drug addiction and get her kids back from CPS. Years later they continued to do well. On the other side, the Church causes more than its share of problems. As they say, your mileage may vary, and usually I think people can get more mileage somewhere else.

All I have to do is remember what it was like, and things don't suck as much.

I walked away...married a Catholic (39 years ago), raised 2 great kids, and have a whole bunch of wonderful friends....and not a church goin' TBM among them....

I think what I'm about to say is revelant to the point being made whether or not one believes in Christ or not. THing is, before he ascended into heaven, he said to his apostles that he gave them peace, NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES IT, but as he gives it.

You can be living the best life you can and still be struck by illness, death,and misfortune. That's life.

The Mormon church generates a belief that if you read your scriptures, get married in the temple, pay tithing, stay active, that you'll be free of misfortune--this is the peace of the world,isn't it?. WHere the hell did Jesus ever say that? He never said it.

I"m beginning to see why so many of us ex-mormons end up being athiests or agnostics. The Mormon church starts that cognitive dissonance headache--and then it continues on to all of religion. I"m pretty close to it myself.

If it was so great you would stay. It sucked, so you left. Then maybe you forget how bad it sucked... Until you sit back in for awhile. Then say, "OH YEAH, NOW I REMEMBER".

I think that the psychological climate inside the church is extremely damaging. It is a religious addiction. So, it can take a long time to get over it and understand what happened to you.

For me, even though I had not entered a moromon church for over 40 years, I felt it hanging over me. Then I discovered this blog. I followed the directions and resigned officially. This freed me immensley. I have lots of problems. Sometimes I am happy, sometimes miserable, but I am free and that is even more important than happiness.

Just hang in there and take things a day at a time. It will get better, if you do your inner work.

Exactly right. I'm still the same person with a lot of the same problems, but at least I don't have a bogus religion to make me feel guilty all the time.

One could hope that leaving mormonism would be a miracle cure. But aside from curing you from chronic guilt and a number of irrational fears it really doesn't do that much of a difference. Not that getting rid of the guilt and fear wasn't a very nice bonus but I had when I left hopes that I would rid myself of ALL my psychological troubles. Not so. I still have to struggle with exactly the same issues as I've had all my life.

Yeah, some folks leave and go a long, long way away. Others leave and stop just outside the door.

Since when does truth guarantee life will get better? People have died for the truth.

Well, I have to confess, I've written a "my life has sucked since leaving the church"-type post on here before. But I promise I was being sincere.

I like what some posters here have said about realizing that life still has its problems after leaving the morg. Lately I've been realizing that I have relationship problems and other issues that exist independent of my involvement with TSCC. What is really frustrating, however, is that several years ago I thought that by "accepting the gospel" I was overcoming those problems. WRONG. Now that I see that it's all a bunch of B.S., I'm pretty much back to square one. I think my involvement in mormonism was really a life detour that postponed my personal development. I gave my all to something that ultimately didn't help me, and probably just made me worse off.

I just try to remember that I'm no longer wasting my precious time and money on TSCC.

Try not to see yourself as back at square one. You are wiser and less likely to be trapped by inauthentic sources of happiness thanks to your involvement in the church. It may have felt like a detour, but by seeing it for the fraud that it is you're now far less likely to fall for anything else that tricks into thinking there is a magic path to happiness. Your involvement does not need to be perceived as a waste of time. You're smarter and wiser now for any mistakes made or detours taken.

I am about to get divorced, my wife is moving out on Saturday. I have a young son. I blame the church for encouraging me to get married to someone I barely knew.

My life sucks right now, but, it sucked a hell of a lot more two years ago when I was in the church.

What I am living right now is painful, but it is going to be worth it. And, my son will hopefully have the chance to see me and my wife in functioning relationships. All he would have learned from our marriage is resentment and anger.

I haven't seen too many of the "my life sucks since leaving mo-ism" posts on here. But I think you have a good point. Ditching kolobianism doesn't completely remove the shittiness from one's life.

When you are the only member in a large family leaving the church it sucks. I feel completely alone and misunderstood. There are times I wonder if it would be easier just to stay in the church and be fake than be honest with everyone. Maybe staying in the church would save my marriage since to my dread my husband claims he still believes despite all of the proof that I have showed him. I was not happier in the church and blame it for my ruined life since I have been forced to make the choice between my family or Mormonism. Nobody should have to choose. So cultish!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/03/2012 12:18AM by turnonthelights.

But I've been out a long time.

Strangely enough, it's odd to me that despite life sucking outside the church, why don't people go back? It's easy enough to do. You can figure out your current ward on lds.org or call the missionaries.

What's surprising (or not) is despite the pain, many stay out.

Finally, there are quite a few exmos who resign and never get online, here, other exmo forums, blogs, etc. You can't take a sample of posters on any site as the full experience.

To some extent, life is easier as a mormon. Someone will always tell you how to respond and what to do. Sort of like the former soviet union or some dictatorships. Yeah things may be more peaceful with less crime, but it's because innocents and dissidents are being tortured and killed.

It seems inconsistent with the stated purpose of this board to question and attack posters who come here for help with the challenges they are experiencing in leaving Mormonism.

I read "the post" in question as real. There is a poster who has posted with that name a number of times. I thought those posts have been consistent in writing style and approach as the last one.

Even if some of these posts are innefective trolls the subject matter is way more on topic for the stated purpose of this board than 99% of what is discussed on here. Other people likely have some of the same questions, concerns, and problems.

My life really has been awful since leaving Mormonism. That's just the fact of it.

I know the LDS Church is not what it claims to be, and my wife and I have both left the Church. I don't have a problem saying that either.

I also don't have a problem saying that leaving the Church has alot to do with it. My wife turned all "eastern philosophy" and "new age" which sometimes denies facts and reality. I can't say anything like, "Hey, we need to stop spending money for a few days until I get my next paycheck because I don't want to dip into savings." If I state a fact like that it's met with, "Don't say things like that because the universe will send us poverty! You're really going to ruin us."

So, our change in belief system has really f'd my life and marriage up (in so many other ways than I just mentioned).

Isn't that okay to admit? If not, then I'll just shut up and let the rest of you go on your merry way censoring people like me who have some serious $h!t going on in life (because of Mormonism and the effects of leaving it) and need some help.

You are more than welcome in my book if that counts for anything.

Mormonism is a bad way to live, but not the worst way to live.

Leaving Mormonism triggered my wife's bi-polar disorder. She also had a recollection she was sexually abused at this same time. Then five years of hell and divorce. We've both survived and are better for it overall, I think. But we've taken some damage.

I hope your wife will adjust her thinking. My guess: She's anxious about having left and has substituted "the universe" for the Mormon God. Perhaps it is a transitional state to some better reality testing skills. That would be good.

my life was a living hell. I had many people tell me that my ex CHOSE to be gay because we went inactive--and that all the fallout was because of our inactivity.

Now our lives are much better some 16 years later.

I don't think the OP meant EVERYONE who comes here says that--but there are many people who come here just to stir the pot.

I think the worst part for me was believing, at first, that I was alone and no one understood. And then it was bad for a while because there was so much conflict in my family over the church--almost ended my marriage.

But I'm at peace now, more than I have ever been in my life. Life doesn't suck. I'm the same person with a lot of the same problems that I always had, but I don't walk around feeling inadequate and guilty, and I feel free to follow my conscience.

What sucks about that?

Your "sources of suck" made me laugh so loud that people turned to see what was so funny.

I will be putting your turn-of-phrase to work. When anxiety strikes, I ask myself questions to eliminate variables and get to the root cause. I'm changing the wording of the question I ask myself to "Is this the source of the suck?"

It makes me laugh, sounds dirty and gets the job done! Thanks, Hela.

A lot of TBMs I know have latched onto my suicide attempt as clear evidence that my life went to pieces because I left the church. The way I look at it, I wasn't any more depressed after I left than I had been before, only when I was TBM, I couldn't admit I was depressed. I was active in the church and keeping the commandments: I fit the LDS definition of happy. But I was miserable.

When I was finally diagnosed with depression, one of the questions they asked was "How long have you felt this way?" I checked "I can't remember not feeling this way." Working with my therapist, I realized the depression had been chronic since I was about 12 years old. I honestly don't know how I managed to get through school and have a career.

I needed to leave the church to be able to face the real problems in my life. The church taught me to put a white shirt and a smile over my problems. As long as everything on the surface looks good, you're happy. Right?

Yeah there might be a number of trolls.

Of course leaving the church can make people suicidal because of how family and close friends can react to it. Some apostates have had their family disown them for leaving the church. When your parents tell you they no longer love you and want you dead, I completely understand how that would make someone suicidal.

Living in Utah is not always easy if you are someone who left mormonism. You truly are viewed as a bad person by the community unless you live in SLC.

Good news is, the whole world is now yours to explore. You become a more free and honest person. There are plenty of good nonmormons to befriend. It is like waking up from a Coma. It is a great feeling to be free. You have to understand that.