So that my tbm.family is like those nutcases on TLCs "Doomsday Preppers".needless to say im not happy having to pay for all the crap he wants me to buy! My tbm dad is in control of my money due to my disabities. Help!

Complain to the Social Security office.

My son used to complain all the time-- inappropriately. They finally monitored the account to determine whose problem it was. It is illegal for a payee to misuse your money.

guns and ammo?
flour and rice?
women and booze? :) :) :)
whats he want you to buy son? :)

Im going to talk to two other siblings who may be able to.stop.him I hope

This is out of the money I typically spemd on blu rays dvds cd etc..(about $600)

or does he want it for rent or some such?

here is what u said:
im not happy having to pay for all the crap he wants me to buy

whats he want you to buy?

Get about or over $800 a month in ss. I pay 30 for athletic club 50 or more to cell phone and around 80 or more towards my wells fargo credot card. I pay my parents rent out of my pathetic $211 check from my jpb. Which is $100 or half

Another couple of hundred a month for room and board doesn't seem all that unreasonable to me, assuming that's where the $200 would be going.

Its not going to anything like that at all

If he were buying $200 of food storage in preparation for the apocalypse, or using it to pay tithing and mission funds for a Ward Member, that would be one thing.

If you're currently spending about 60% of your income on media and entertainment, I think you can pay quite a bit more for your living expenses.

That's just the way life works.

+1

Not when it's YOUR money that is RIGHTFULLY YOURS. Payees are not allowed to do ANYTHING with your money without your permission, and clearly Southern idaho inactive's dad does NOT have permission.

Assuming they aren't being compensated by SS for the extra expense, they have a right to charge him rent to live in their house.They have control of his money too so I am not sure what the laws are on that. If he feels it is unfair, he should take it to SS. However, considering that he is paying 100 dollars in rent and 600 dollars on entertainment, I am guessing they aren't going to be all that sympathetic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2012 12:44AM by bona dea.

Are your parents collecting additional funds for letting you stay at their house, such as a group home would?

If they do, then you need to complain.

If they don't, then you need to contribute toward the upkeep.

It wouldn't matter. They can't legally do anything with his money without his permission.

That would be like me taking $200 of my mother's SS check without her permission. I may be taking care of her, but that doesn't mean I have the right to take her money!

OP still hasn't said what it's for. If OP is an adult, he should be paying his own food/rent.

If the parents want more $ for food/rent that's legit even if they then take the money and buy food storage with it.

My tbm dad says its for water barrell food generators etc !! In other words expensive stuff sine people like him are niche market anf gullible!

Depends...if they are guardian or designated to oversee the money, they can use it as they see fit.

I don't know what food costs in your area, but I can tell you that as a single person I easily spend at least a $100 a week on food and supplies (paper towels, tissue, etc.) Ask to see your mom's weekly grocery receipt. Check it for a few weeks and divide the average by the number of people in your household. That's what it costs to feed you, and it's not an insubstantial amount.

IMO you should be covering your share of the food/supplies bill and perhaps $100 toward rent/mortgage and utilities. I don't think that up to $400 or $500 a month or so would be unreasonable if you are receiving about $1,000 after taxes.

If your parents own their home, they have a lot of expenses of which you are probably unaware. They have to put a new roof on periodically, they need to pay property taxes and the water bill. They need to make needed repairs and buy new appliances as needed. They need to replace the water heater and heating unit as needed. None of this is cheap.

I already help wth all that. This is seperate from.that.

I wouldn't think of it as "helping." Think of it as paying your way. If you are already covering your share of the food bill and something toward rent and utilites, then I would say no to your dad. Contact your local disabilites agency if you need someone to help you further.

"Doomsday Preppers"
his family is into this crap!! the sky is falling the sky is falling!!

SII has not made the best choices around here but...he should not have to pay for this kinda crap either...
just sayin!

Have you looked into how much a group home would cost? I'm thinking you might be happier in one, especially if they're still making you do family scripture reading or whatever that crap was a few years ago.

If you are spending 600 a month on DVDs, I have to say that is a lot. Cut back on that. Watch TV. Get Netflix. You don't have to buy every movie that comes out. As to whether you should pay your folks more, it depends on what it going for and whether it is somethoing you use.If you are helping them arm themselves to the teeth, no. If it is for living expenses, yes.

SII:

apart from 'Sympathy Fatigue', I'm sure all of us here are sorry for your situation/circumstances.

Do you need to be living with parents? We all know Idaho (and the IMW) are sparse on social services... but: are there any shared situations where you can be more on your own?

Depending on others... especially on TBMs when you're not... SUX.

any other possibilities - ideas here?

If I understand this correctly you get around $1000 dollars a month.you want to spend sixty percent of your income on dvds.Its not right for them to waste your money on storage items but for you to piss away sixty pertcent of your income isnt right either.

I'm kind of lost on on your situation here. After I'm done paying the bills and buying groceries, there's not a lot left over for fun stuff and certainly not $600 of dollars worth of DVDs. Two hundred dollars is about about what I spend on groceries, cleaning supplies, and pet food, weekly, just the basics, it can go higher. Now add electricity, water, mortgage, gas, repairs, school clothes, haircuts, house/car insurance...$200/mo is cheap! Get out, get roommates, live on Smack Ramen.

I am on a $1900 a month military pension, and it all is spent...$1050 on rent which includes hydro, heat and water, $33 on cable, $65 on cell phone and internet, $85 on a bus pass, $100 on prescriptions and personal care items, $500 a month on food, and the rest on other items....you seem to be getting off a little light here IMHO. Perhaps cut back on the DVDs and be grateful your parents have provided a roof over your head in you adulthood....they option being you can get a place of your own and face the bills above......you are going to have to some day anyways so no time like the present!

Needless to say I still work!

I don't know if it's the same as it is in Canada, but here, if you're on disability or welfare of any type, they pretty much dictate where your money is to go. You're not allowed to deviate from where they have delegated the money to go. As "Me" said, I'd complain to Social Security. They may have something to say about your Dad's plan.

There are plenty of places for you to go, many state funded that would help you if you are truly disabled. You spend enough on DVD's I would kick you out if you were my son trying to get by on so little each month.

You haven't been exactly clear on why they want this money or how much they need it. Whether you have a legitimate argument depends on that. If they want it for the church or survivalist supplies or something like that, you have a point, but if they are having trouble paying the bills and you are spending three times as much on DVDs as you are giving them, then they have a good case.You are spending almost as much a month on DVDs as I spend on my mortgage and three times what my car payment is. I suspect that very few people her spend nearly that much on movies. I know I certainly do not.You can get a complete cable package for less than $200 and that includes movies and pay per view. Netflix is around $20 a month. There is Red Box. Just buy the ones you really like and want to see over and over.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2012 11:58PM by bona dea.

There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with your parents asking for you to help pay some towards household expenses.


Whether they spend that money on food to eat this week, or food to store away for future use does not matter to the Social Security administration.


There is NOTHING INAPPROPRIATE or wrong about what they are asking.


In fact, you are getting off easy with them paying for most of your upkeep.


Complain about it too much, and they are likely to show you the door.



Then you will have to spend all 100% of your disability check on your own upkeep, and you won't be living half as good as you are right now.


But you WILL be living the way that many, even most other folks collecting disability live.

I am sure that the last thing you want to hear is my honest response to your situation.


But I would be less than honest with you if I did not offer you insight to your situation from "the other side of the table" so to speak -- that is, the response you will get from the Social Security office if you actually go as far as to complain to them about this.


You have never worked a day in your life, have you?


Well, the people who work at the Social Security office are not as fortunate as you are, my friend.


They are very much like I was, when I graduated from college and got my first full time job as a Social Security disability claims adjuster.


They not only have to work -- and work HARD, by the way -- but they have case loads, far beyond what one person should be working, because Social Security is bad about not hiring enough people.


They drive in to work every day under enormous pressure, wondering how in the world they are going to get everything done that they are told they have to do, in the amount of time they have been given to do it.


They eat their brown bag lunch at their desk most of the time, because they cannot afford to take time away from that desk to go out and get a bite to eat.


That is their normal heavy work burden, even without having to field complaints like yours.


They are NOT paid enough to live on. If they are not married, they WILL be taking in a room mate because they do not make enough to make ends meet any other way.


Purchase $600 worth of DVDs a month on a Social Security worker's salary?


Not likely! That worker you will be complaining to considers himself (or herself) lucky if he (or she) can afford a single DVD from the bargain shelf at the local discount store!


Now, put yourself in the place of one of those social security workers when you contact them and complain about how your parents are demanding that you pay them some of your upkeep.


Here these workers are -- overworked and horribly underpaid -- and then you come in there and complain that your parents demand for reimbursement is cutting into your DVD budget!


You have any idea whatsoever how that will go over with them?


Any idea at all?


Well, I worked in their ranks for several years, so I'll tell you.


You had better have a clearly discernable disability -- something like being blind, or deaf, or in a wheelchair.


Because if your disability is one of the mental illnesses (ADHD, PTSD, depression, bipolar, etc) or chronic fatigue syndrome,or even fibermyalgia, it will NOT be how your parents spend your money that will get reviewed!


They will start an all out review of your disability itself, to determine if you are TRULY disabled, with the idea of cancelling your disability check unless there is overwhelming evidence that you are truly eligible for it.


If I were you, my friend, I'd think twice about protesting your parents very reasonable demand to the overworked folks at the Social Security Administration.


They don't need the extra, needless burden of such a complaint, and you don't need them turning on you with a comprehensive disability review because they resent your complaint.

I've been reading some of the other posters responses above.


It really doesn't matter whether SII's parents are spending some of their own hard earned money on survivalist food or supplies. Not to the Social Security Administration, it doesn't.


What matters is that SII's parents are paying for his housing, his food, his utilities, and (possibility) for his medical expenses if he is still covered under their private insurance.


It is very reasonable to assume that his upkeep cost them $400, $500 or even more, each and every month, by the time you consider his portion of the rent or mortgage payment, his portion of the family food bill, his portion of the utility bill, etc.


His parents are only asking for $200 plus the $100 or so he is already paying, if I am understanding correctly.


They can easily charge him half or even two thirds of his monthly check to cover his share of the household expenses, and the amount they ask be reasonable.


In fact, Social Security regulations concerning the obligations of Representative Payees (which is what SII's parents are) REQUIRES only $30 a month be reserved for his personal expenses?


Now, that figure is codified with institutionalized Social Security recipients in mind.


However, there is absolutely nothing that keeps Social Security workers from invoking the $30 monthly minimum regulation here in this situation, if they get irked at SII for filing such a frivilous complaint.


Which means that, if they choose to interpret the regulations in that fashion, SII's parents will be in the clear if they demand every penny he/she gets, other than that last $30.



The fact is that it costs more than a single measly hundred dollars to support a grown adult child still living at home, and his parents have every right to expect him to kick in more than that measly amount given the fact that he is getting about $800 a month from Social Security.

He is mobile, healthy and a fun guy. He is Downs.

He lives in a group home (6 friends living together) in a mental health charity sheltered environment that is staffed 24/7.

Naturally, he is on a disability benefit that reflects his needs and he goes to college once a week to learn Makaton and life skills. He takes care of his own hygiene and keeps his room clean and tidy - in fact he is quite OCD about that :-)

Disability benefit is paid directly to him, with the charity acting with Power of Attorney over his money, a situation that is monitored by the Social Services and myself, as his legal guardian.

First responsibility that he has to cover is his contribution to the upkeep of the group home. His personal allowance after overheads is for him to spend as he wishes, which covers purchase of clothing, leisure and holidays. After his overheads are paid there is not a great deal left but he still manages to save and keep a healthy bank balance.

If the group home expenses rise then I suspect his disability benefit will reflect that but in these times of privation he may need to contribute more to the overheads, leaving less for leisure etc. We, as a family, have agreed to fund any shortfall and help pay for his fun stuff if needed.

I have recently attended his 'annual review' where this was discussed. At the moment his funding is adequate but we are prepared for that to change. It could be that, given the current cutbacks, my brother will return to a family environment in my home. The same rules will apply if that happens.

Maybe you need to review with your parents the overheads, given that these are all increasing, and see if you can do something to ease their burden a little.

I will add though, that with the mormon church in the mix, the whole budgeting for his needs thing was flung right out of the window but we've fixed that.

I hope this helps.

Briggy



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2012 03:43AM by brigantia.

He might also want to consider what it would cost if he were living elsewhere.Even with a room mate, he will be paying more than $100.00 for rent and that may not include utilities which amount to as much as several hundred more. Food is at least $70,00 to $80.00 per week. Then there are personal items, cleaning supplies, transportation, dog food, insurance etc. He will be spending his SS and paycheck on necessities, probably living in worse circumstances and have little or nothing left over for luxuries like movies.Another point is that furniture, TVs stereos, appliances, computers etc will not all be included in an apartment and if he does not already own them , he will have to buy them. Even if the aprtment has furniture and appliances, it will not provide a TV, computer, or any household items such as dishes, utensils, bedding, towels and so on. Seems to me he is getting a pretty good deal.

yah, well when I was a kid my dad expected me to milk cows for the family, so the family could have milk and extra income. Ironically the milk check ran just about the same as what he was paying for membership dues to his non golfing country club MORmON cult.
It makes me feel really good knowing that my personal time could be flushed down the toilet so a bunch of self important stuffed shirt MORmON execs could have even more money.

.....Helping out family is one thing, getting screwed over so the leadershi t of the LDS church can have even more REALLY REALLY SUCKS !

I really have no sympathy for you SII. I'm a single mom that owns a business and I really work hard to keep food on the table. I don't to to movies unless it's at the dollar theatre and I don't buy cd's, dvd's or blue ray - I can't even afford a blueray player. Quit whining and get over it. Buck up and be a man. IMO they have every right to charge you an additional $200 and it is none of your business what they do with it.

I have to agree with the last several posters. I work hard, make a decent living, and don't have $600 dollars a month to waste on entertainment.

Man up!