I was inactive (but pretty much a nonmember, as I hardly knew anything about the Church) until I was about 19. At that point, I left behind all my friends and threw myself into the Mormonism gig.

I don't think I'll ever make any kind of "public" announcement about my disbelief and inactivity - say on facebook or something - but when I think about the asinine things I said or did as a member and how it affected other people, I feel bad/embarrassed and inclined to throw out a blanket statement like:

"I'm sorry for being an asshole. Please don't associate me with Mormonism anymore."

At some point I may reach out to certain individuals privately. I'm nervous that my 7-year stint in the Church did more damage than I realize, and people will be slow to forgive. Their willingness to forgive me shouldn't be a motivating factor, but I suppose part of why I want to reach out to them is because I'd like to have people who are/were once important in my life celebrate my exit (cause my family is certainly not celebrating.) I admit, I'm mostly being selfish.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2012 11:33PM by sdee.

I think everyone feels that way about some phase in their lives, mormon or not. You will feel better if you make amends though.

A lot of the most hateful sexist dudes I met online later came back to blogs I frequented to say "sorry" and it made a big difference. Sometimes it is easy to think that people never really change. Knowing that some do is very inspiring. Think of it less as easing your guilt and more as giving someone else something positive. It will make their day, I am sure.

Yes, yes, yes reach out and do apologize for treating people badly if it was due to your deep indoctrination into Mormonism. I am a nevermo and I am so hoping one day my daughter and her jackmo hubby -but in recent yrs. active in every way- will come to me and apologize for some things they have done and said and especially how my daughter ignored my warnings and refused to read up on anything when she let Mormons into her life.

She knew me all her 20 yrs. at the time and yet she would not trust me to delve into some books and educate herself....why? Because they told her not to....and her MOM would just have to GET USED to it. It sickened me and saddened me beyond belief. An apology would make all the hurt go away. At least we have an okay relationship. IF the people you wish to talk to got a chance to hear this from you I am sure they would welcome you back into their lives. If they don't know much about Mormonism, explain how it all happened. Trust me they will forgive and they will be happy for any explanation you give them. Their compassion will immediately show.

It would be a cool thing to do, but would cause some problems for me if I did....

I should clarify.

I never did anything huge to anyone. It was just the stupid things I said and the attitudes I took.

For instance, my best friend from childhood, who has never been a member or really been familiar with the Church, posted some criticism of the Church on facebook once. I got super riled up about it and argued everything point-for-point. With my new perspective, I realize that every argument I had was completely empty and stupid. But I was really contentious about it. I also think there might be some hurt feelings on her part from not being included in my simple temple marriage, though we had drifted quite a bit by that time, anyway.

Another example: one of my close buddies from high school/freshman year of college came out a couple years after I went back to church. It wasn't exactly a surprise, and it didn't change my feelings about him, even as a member. We had lunch together once and I made sure he knew I had no qualms with his orientation, but gave him the run down of what the Church believes about it - that sure, he may have been born that way, but it's just another temptation like anyone has that should be overcome. He's a pretty non-confrontational guy, so he didn't react badly to it. Looking back on it though, he had to have been thinking, "What the hell is your point?" He was in no way Mormon, never had been, so what the hell did he care what my bigoted church thought of him?

Not to mention he was one friend among many that I made a clean cut from when I went back to church. My brother told me that a clean break would be the best thing, and I listened. One of the stupider things I ever did - I hurt a lot of people when I switched courses. And that, really, is the big one. So I guess I'm wrong when I said I didn't do anything huge to them. However, I already realized this mistake, years ago, and apologized profusely (before the above lunch date). I think they accepted my apology, but our relationships have never been the same. Because despite what I thought, they were right when they said I was a changed person.