You think it’s perfectly fine for your leader to have sex with teenagers and married women, but you tell your children you’d rather they be dead than lose their virginity.

“Singles Ward” is good, but “Schindler’s List” is inappropriate due to its “R” rating.

Everyone in your church was “saved for the last days,” but everyone else just happened to be born in really wicked times.

You make fun of the pope’s funny hat but think nothing about sacred underwear.

You let some old geezer touch your naked body with oil and water, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a two-piece bathing suit.

You are proud of your self-restraint in not doing things you like (such as masturbate) and your fortitude in forcing yourself to do things you don’t like (such as going to meetings).

You get angry about lying politicians, but you are careful to give investigators “milk before meat,” lest they be driven away by too much information.

Intellectuals are regularly mocked from the pulpit, while apologists are held up for their academic degrees, which usually have nothing to do with apologetics.

To suggest that women get an education and have a career is to deny their God-given role, while criticizing polygamy is anti-feminist.

You love funeral potatoes, fried scones, and ice cream, but you disdain coffee drinkers for being unhealthy.

You feel uplifted by your own church’s testimony meetings, but other people’s expressions of religious fervor are creepy.

Convert baptisms are a sign that the religion is growing, but declining growth is a sign of the great “sifting.”

+1

haha..funny

LOL

can we talk about being free Mericans

but still be being told about where you are told to express your Freedom of Religion.

You praise Joseph Smith but think Warren Jeffs is evil.

You think the best example of a perfect marriage is Joseph and Emma.

You think god leaves magic compasses lying around in the sand to guide people.

You think wood is great submarine building material.

You still think your little religion is going to 'fill the whole earth". Any day now...waiting...and waiting.

It doesn't bother you that God changes his mind all the time about things like polygamy being required to enter CK, good gathering places for zion, black skin being a curse, whether we become gods or not and whether lamanites are the 'principal" ancestors of the American Indians or not. Mostly, okay you caught us, completely, not.

You think finding "NMH' on a rock proves the BOM is true but nothing else archaeologists, linguists, anthropologists or dna experts say can be trusted because, as everyone knows, most of them are part of a secret conspiracy to discredit mormonism.

Coffee keeps you out of the celestial kingdom
Your a hot female who marries a nerd with a pocket protector just because he served a mission
You believe in wearing garments and dressing modestly but you get fake boobs
Submitting to man authority makes you feel more powerful and awesome
You are a stay at home mom but your kids arent as well behaved or as academically advanced as the woman who works and has her kid in childcare
You cry over Joseph Smith and the sacrifices he made as if he made them just for you
You make meals and quilts over and over again but no one is grateful or even cares, yet you feel blessed anyway



Edited 8 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2012 01:06AM by suckafoo.

After your mission at your wedding... in the Cultural Hall

everyone notices your glowing Mother standing in line under

the crepe paper covered basketball standard... is nine months

pregnant

*snort* This is priceless! (But back off on the fried scone lovers. Navajo tacos practically snagged my husband for me. ;)

You guys crack me up! :-)I

... you gotta have the secret password and handshakes to get into heaven.
... believe a guy lived in the belly of a whale for 3 days but don't believe in the scientific proof of evolution.
...believe its okay to have sex with 14 people as long as you're married but Wrong for a monogamous committed unmarried couple who loves each other, and only with that one person for their whole lives to have sex.
... it's okay to marry someone or stay married to someone that is gay because being married in a heterosexual marriage, prayer, reading the scriptures, and paying tithing with cure them and bring happiness.
... you think garments are sexy.
.. its okay to lie and kill if its for the Lord.
... the members are okay with a grown man being in a small room, alone with a teenage girl, questioning her about her thoughts, desires and sexual activities.

These could go on forever haha

If you can go through the temple and still think the reason you aren't to ever speak of what happens in there because "it's sacred... not secret!"