my husband and i want to have a third child. the problem with that is i have trouble getting and maintaining pregnancies. with the help of modern science we have 2 beautiful kids already. i'm in my 30's now so i'm just worried. the worst part is that in the back of my mind i wondered if i am "cursed" or not "worthy enough" to receive god's blessings. the logical part of me knows that this is ridiculous. my husband and i are good people just not religious people. anyone else have these self-doubts, maybe not about babies but about other things?

I felt I was meant to "bring down three children to my family" when it was only feasible to enjoy the two I had. Never had a third, but I long felt I had a shadow child who felt slighted and stranted somewhere in the universe.

I never got that burning confirmation that I was supposed to marry my husband. I prayed and prayed and prayed but no confirmation of the spirit. But I loved him and we just made so much sense so I did it anyway. To this day, sometimes, I feel like I'm married to the wrong person and god had some one else picked out. Especially when we would have a major disagreement. It has amplified the shoulda, coulda, woulda that everyone has.

What were my options: 1) possibly not marry bc I was incapable of feeling the "spirit", 2) marry someone that I didn't love or didn't make any sense- incompatible- bc of a "feeling", or 3) feel disobedient and punished my whole life. It's ridiculously untenable.

This thought process has, mercifully, been significantly diminished by leaving the church. I absolutely married well and I am angry that the church inserted itself on me in this way. It's incredibly unfair and a total mind f*ck.

If there is a god, I cannot accept that this is how he operates.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I felt I was meant to "bring down three children
> to my family" when it was only feasible to enjoy
> the two I had. Never had a third, but I long felt
> I had a shadow child who felt slighted and
> stranted somewhere in the universe.

Mommy?

You are not cursed or any other unseen problem. Don't be shamed or guit triped into anything. What you and hubby decide considering your medical conditions is your business. Raising 2 children in this world is a great thing.

a great thing--and already hard enough!

If kids were blessings from a god for our righteousness or worthiness, I would have ended up with a whole passel of them. I was a very "righteous" and "worthy" TBM who wanted a lot of kids. What I got was 6 miscarriages before carrying a baby to term, then I couldn't have more so we adopted a second child.

My situation was hormonal and genetic. Absolutely nothing to do with my religious beliefs or lack thereof.

I'm an apostate now with no religious beliefs or practices at all, and things are better in my life, and I'm happier now, than when I was a TBM.

My best to you in your decision about another child. Just remember, you're a good person no matter how you may perceive children as blessings or a lack thereof. It's about how your body deals with pregnancy. Science, not a god or religion.

TG

yes, i did. i had a son and then never got pregnant again for 15 years. I wondered whether i was 'good enough' to have more kids, or whether i'd be a really bad mom and just repeat my mother's mistakes. Maybe i'd just better let it go and enjoy all the fun things a small family allows us to do ( ie go out for dinner once in a while, use hotel rooms instead of camping).

When dh and i decided that he would go back to school full-time we also decided that we didn't want any more 'natural' children, so he was going to take care of that. Only he didn't fast enough because i now have a 5 year old daughter! Funny thing was, by that time I was 3/4 the way out of church and THAT'S when i got blessed, not when i was tbm.

funny how life works!

Everyone has their problems. It's easy to blame your spirituality for these matters, but this is a brain-washing trick from most religions. They could take ANYTHING bad that happened to you and say, "Oh, well it's because your not paying your tithing, or your not attending church regularly...etc" and you would be desperate enough to fix this problem that you would believe them. One time, when my fiance was first discovering his OCD intrusive thoughts, he believed his video games had a demon attached to them *...rolls eyes...* and his christian mother agreed because she didnt want him playing video games anymore! How manipulative right? Even I thought that maybe if I was participating more in my church callings that maybe God wouldnt have made my boyfriend break up with me. WTF right? but the church quickly agreed with me. Dont be fooled. We ask for cures, so we expect magical dust to fall from the sky even though he has already given us herbs and the ability to problem solve to treat ourselves. If you need to find an alternative way to have a child then so be it! That doesnt mean it's a punishment.

You are blessed having two. There are lots of good people who can't have ANY, and they are blessed with freedom to do whatever they want. Two is easier than three.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2012 01:31PM by suckafoo.

Got married TBM, bic, temple, the works. No babies.
Divorced mr TBM.

7 years later Im excommunicated, marry a nevermo. We had 2 babies before we were married 2 years. That was enough for me.

As you can see righteousness has zero to do with babies. Why is it that everyone but mormons know that?

to change my husband from gay to straight. Hell, I lived with that hanging over my head day in and day out for YEARS. Every time I did something that was even the slightest "naughty"--I felt that way. Drinking diet coke or leaving church early. My ex even said that my leaving church and not attending the temple lessened his ability to resist temptation. (He has apologized since.) I even had my bishop friend (long time friend) tell me that I wasn't giving my ex enough sex if he needed to stray.

I chose to go inactive when I found out he was cheating so the fallout wouldn't be public. I used to tell God while I was driving that I had to do it this way. When he left, I was sure he left because I had chosen to go inactive. I carried a HUGE burden for years--thinking my life turned out this way.

Since I left the church, we have made peace, my finances have improved, my old boyfriend who I wanted to marry came back into my life.

I just knew for years that if I could live perfectly, my ex would be able to control his feelings (I always knew he couldn't change)--what a huge burden to let go of.

I think mormons say women who can have kids are righteous just so they'll keep having more of them, to populate the chapels.

If you want someone to do something, you praise them and make them feel special for doing it - just like the church does with men who serve missions.

God had closed her womb or some such silliness and it was OBVIOUSLY a PUNISHMENT for some unrePENTant SEEEEE-yun. Mom goes, no, it's endomeetee-osis and adno-something and the old broad goes, "The pain is the Lord's chastizement!"

It totally wizzed me off I mean my mom's the best she rescued me from HELL!!!!

So then the old battle-ax told her to "examine her conscience".

I went "Examine THIS!" and shredded her support hose!