I was invited by a family friend to go to an easter egg hunt and dinner on Saturday evening and since I didn't have anything else to do (and I knew the food would be good!) I stopped by.

There are multiple wards here so even though everyone was LDS many of them didn't know each other or only knew of each other - I think that since I was familiar to the TBM host everyone just assumed me to be TBM as well.

These are all young families - mostly in their late 20s or maybe very early 30s and the stress of their lives (too many kids too young) was painfully obvious.

Anyway, I kept my mouth shut and I heard the most amazing things!

1. A girl asked what happens if you say "no" to a calling (this got my attention!) and one guy told a story of how during the sustaining vote the person being given the calling raised his own hand as "opposed" - I guess he was immediately escorted out of the chapel and talked into the calling.

Another girl told about the time she had 2 callings and the bishop insisted that she take on a third - she told him "absolutely not" but the bishop made it official anyway. What I noticed most was that nobody seemed to have a "you never say no to a calling" way about them - everyone seemed to be genuinely supportive of her position.

Makes me wonder what the girl that asked the question is thinking of doing...

2. They talked about A-hole bishops for a minute and then this one girl told the story of how she got pregnant while in singles ward and the bishop (who everyone there seemed to know of) was really hard on them. So much so that when they decided to get married they asked one of the 'family ward' bishops to do it even though they were new to town and didn't know him at all. They just figured that once they were married he would be their bishop so it might as well be him.

The point of her story wasn't so much what happened but the stark difference between the two bishops regarding their "situation" (their "situation" is now a totally cute little 3 year old...) and how the one was all about punishing them and shaming them and the other was all about helping them start out as a married couple and feel welcome at church and helping them get to the temple.

I was just shocked that in such a large group TBMs would so openly badmouth their Bishops. These are not NOMs of fringe-members - I had the impression that these are all temple going members.

Those are common complaints and TBMs will often talk that way. But reveal your exmo status and they will clam up.

What kind of members are you used to being around? Cause those kinds of people all sound like my friends. The way we would talk in the old days, maybe - before my husband and I apostatized and now anything Mormon-related is off limits for conversation.

I guess I do know quite a few members that are way more staunch about "not speaking evil of the Lord's anointed," and sustaining them always. Never were the kind of folks we spent time with.

Idk - I know I've changed a lot since I left TSCC but I think as a TBM I would have made a small comment here or there to discourage the 'evil speaking of the lard's anointed'

Or, to say it another way, when I was TBM I never would have talked that way around people that, mormon or not, I didn't know

The open discontent was surprising to me

I spent Easter with my TBM family (who don't know I longer believe) and almost every conversation I overheard was moaning about church leaders, or else gossipping about their failing marriages.

You mentioned that they were all twenty-somethings. This is where the difference is, and it's refreshing. People are enjoying their freedom of opinion much more today! I'm 61 BIC and such talk among my peers at that age would have been considered absolute heresy.

My mother's in her 80's and she took it to a whole new level when she was in her 60's and her bish was excommunicated for having an affair. My mother claimed that he didn't actually commit a sexual act, that he was ex'ed just for lusting in his heart. This made sense to her because as bish he had more light and knowledge than the church gen pop, so he was held to higher standards.

I dunno, maybe they do ex bishops for lusting. But to me it sounded like she was trying to protect the image of the church.

That is the kind of stuff my mother in law believes too. Total innocence even in advanced years. Sometimes I feel I speak to a child when I speak to her. And she is in her 70's.

grubbygert Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 1. A girl asked what happens if you say "no" to a
> calling (this got my attention!) and one guy told
> a story of how during the sustaining vote the
> person being given the calling raised his own hand
> as "opposed" - I guess he was immediately escorted
> out of the chapel and talked into the calling.

I have heard this story SO MANY TIMES. It's always second-hand ("This guy in my cousin's ward..."), and it's always the exact same. In the end the guy always ends up being "talked into the calling" and in a testimony meeting months later he cries about how it was the greatest thing that ever happened to him.

Such nonsense.

So true and so unusual.

You don't find that in any but cult religions. In any mainstream religions, members will carp whether or not you are disaffected. Want to talk about the Inquisition or Opus Dei in a mixed crowd of faithful and ex-Catholics? Go for it, they will jump right in with their comments pro and con.

It's one of the most telling social signs of a cult and every member will recognize this if you mention it when they ask you to explain why you think MOrmonism is a cult.

Anagrammy

Yeah, I guess that's why the whole thing really got my attention: I've been out for almost a decade and during that time the TBMs I've been around have known all the gory details of my departure.

I'm not that close to the family that invited me so... maybe they just assumed me to be more or less jack-mo or something

In 'safe' company they let their exhaustion and frustration show - if they knew they were in mixed company they'd probably all put on their smiley faces...

Sad to think about.

My father, who was a pretty hard-assed bishop, loves to complain about hard-assed bishops. It's classic middle-management squabbling and critiquing, in a religious setting.