In eight months I will graduate with my accounting degree from a university here in Utah. After that, I plan on leaving this state. When I move away, I just want to leave Mormonism and the life I’ve known here behind. I’m sure that’s easier said than done, but I’m really just sick of it all.

I’m tired of the daily reminders of my life when I was a deluded, blissfully ignorant TBM enveloped in the singles ward scene here. I’m tired of having to avoid talking about church with people who still think I’m active; I don’t feel like having to explain to everyone why I don’t believe in TSCC anymore. I’m tired of how TSCC “sucks the oxygen out of the room” in so many ways (culturally, socially, financially, etc.). I don’t want to live in a place where being a 25 year-old single guy makes me weird. I'm tired of having a limited social life. I sure as hell don’t want to make everything above more complicated by openly acknowledging my sexual orientation while still living here.

I need a fresh start. I need to be in a bigger pond somewhere else where I don’t have to worry as much about my past haunting me. I also don’t want to stay here because I don’t want to have to always be defining myself as not Mormon.

I know that many ex-mos, jack-mos, and never-mos make living in Utah work. I guess if I tried hard enough I could too, but I really just want to enjoy my life and move on. The one thing that saddens me, though, is the prospect of leaving some of the good people I still cherish here, especially certain family members. In particular it makes me sad to think that I will be living far away from my lonely, aging mother. I hope that I can be successful in my career so that I can pay for her or my airfare so we can visit each other often.

I’m trying to do the best I can with my time left here in Utah, but it's still painful most days. But today was the first day I was at peace realizing that I can, and likely will, leave.

Just eight more months....

You lucky bum! Start executing/pre-planning now. "Keep your goals away from the trolls" ancient Chinese proverb. : )

Your new life has started already. I wish you the very best of luck.

I think that you're going to love life on "the outside." There are so many fun cities where you will thoroughly enjoy being an available, well-educated, mid-twenties guy.

If you stay in the west, you'll be close enough to SLC by air that it shouldn't be that problematic to make frequent visits home. Or get a sofa bed and have mom come visit you.

You can also have your mom move to your new locale at some point if she's agreeable. In my family, my brother was the first to relocate to the mid-Atlantic. I eventually followed him, and a few years later we brought our mom here as well.

It's funny that you say that, because for a long time I've been thinking that exact thing - that it'd be nice to stay somewhere in the west so I can at least have a relatively short, direct flight to SLC. Where exactly that will be will depend on what I end up doing for work, but in terms of places I'd like to be I'm thinking one of the following:

Colorado
Albequerque or Santa Fe
Reno/Tahoe/Carson City Area
Oregon
California (certain parts)

I'm open to hearing people's suggestions of good places in the western U.S. to relocate to.

Santa Fe is nice but very small. It's a very arty community. You'd get tied in to the local scene very quickly. Albequerque would not be my first choice, but it might be yours. Reno/Lake Tahoe is gorgeous with lots of outdoor recreation. A friend of mine loved it there. It's a small market in terms of job-hunting, though.

A friend of mine lived in Portland for a while and raved about it. Eugene might be worth a look. Seattle has lots of appeal. The Denver/Boulder area is great as well. I lived in Boulder for a number of years and it felt like living in Heaven.

You might also consider Las Vegas (surprisingly good for outdoor recreation,) Austin (lots of fun to be had there,) or Phoenix. The Cali people will have some ideas for you about their fair state. Sometimes I wish that I had taken a closer look at UCSB when I was looking at schools. I've always loved San Diego. Then of course there are the beach towns around L.A., but the driving there is unreal. Another consideration is that real estate in Cali is very expensive.

When you've narrowed down your list, take a look at the availability and prices of flights to and from SLC. Some places are better than others for direct flights, and you want more than one airline making regular round trips in order to keep the cost competitive.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2012 02:15AM by summer.

It has Detroit-style unemployment.

I'm sorry to hear that. You would think with all the casinos, it would be otherwise. I knew two guys who really enjoyed living there.

The home construction business imploded in Las Vegas. Las Vegas has a record for foreclosures.

Also, some big casinos ran out of funding & couldn't open. A couple casinos closed down due to the economy.

But buying wine in the grocery store & not having to pay state income tax is great.

Las Vegas also has good mountain biking.

I lived in different parts of colorado for a long time without learning anything about mormons. There are pockets of hardcore mormons in little towns but not much in the bigger places (fort collins, denver metro area, colorado springs, etc). You can grow up there totally unaware of mormonism. Colorado springs is a damn lot like SLC, but with alcohol and military people. There are mega churches instead of mormon churches (think ted haggard). You may not like it there as a result.

Let me warn you though, the snow is different. It ices up quick and makes it much harder to drive. The majority of snow that would just turn to slush in utah turns into big sheets of ice in colorado. I moved away from there after that horrible blizzard a few years back in denver, where folks got stranded at the airport for like 2 weeks and the ice debris on the streets lasted well into the summer.

Have you ever been to Seattle? you might like it.
Reasonably short flight to SLC. Mama might like the mild weather, and all the green.

Seattle is amazing. I was born and raised in so cal and lived in Seattle when I was single. Great people and a lot to do. I currently live in Portland which I love just as much!!

You know, six months after I graduated from college, I moved 1,200 miles away from home, far from all friends and family and everyone and everything I knew. I wasn't afraid of the new and exciting adventure part, my concern was maintaining connections with the people left behind.

20 years later, here's what I've learned: It's easier now than ever before to stay connected with loved ones. Also, sometimes proximity does not equal intimacy. Example: My sister lives an hour away from our parents. I live 16-18 hours away. I talk to our folks more often than she does. She sees them more, but only a couple times a year.

Anyway, you have Skype, Facebook, texting, IM, chat, airplanes, cars, trains, hitchiking... there's a million and one ways to skin that cat, so don't sweat it. I have "phone Christmas" with my mom every year. She calls me at midnight on Christmas Eve and we open our previously mailed gifts to each other over the phone. If I thought I could teach her to use Skype, I'd do that. (Hell, a friend of mine Skyped in for a pole class one day just because she moved away and missed us.) Even if you're dead broke, if you have a laptop and an internet connection, you don't have to miss the family events. You can attend via Skype... just keep your cocktail out of the camera view. ;>)

Lots and lots of people live far away from their families. Think of all the military people out there. Do you think any of them are all "No, I don't want to go to Iraq, I'll miss my mom."? No. They go wherever they go, they make new friends, and they keep in touch with the old ones.

So if I were you, I'd use the next eight months to figure out where you'll go set up your life. Make a list of what you want: a major city, coastal, mountainous, lots of young people, music scene, sports teams, whatever blows your skirt up. Pick five cities that fit your profile. A couple months before graduation, start sending out resumes to companies in those cities. You might do this the other way, by choosing companies you want to work for and then targeting the ones that are located in the cities most attractive to you.

I've never even been to Utah, but from what I've read on this board, I feel confident promising you that you have a far better chance of a normal social life outside of Utah than in it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 08:50AM by dogzilla.

When choosing a location to live you should be looking at the cost of living, climate, employment, recreation, cultural opportunities, population density, social life, and family-friendliness. That is a lot to consider. You need to decide which factors are high priority and which ones are less important. A particular location may be great for some factors and not so good for others.

From a social/cultural perspective the San Francisco Bay area is a great place, but the cost of buying a single family house will take your breath away. A house that can cost close to $1,000,000 in the San Francisco area can be purchased for $150,000 in West Virginia or South Carolina. I have a daughter who lives in Oakland California and the cost of living there is very high. Thanks to the Internet it is possible to quickly check out the cost of living in various locations that may interest you.

I have a son who lives in Seattle. The cost of living there is lower than in San Francisco but still rather high compared to many places in the country. Seattle is a great place to live if you enjoy sailing. That is great recreation for the Puget Sound area but you need to have a healthy six figure income to be able to afford it. A person must have a high tolerance for cold rainy weather to enjoy living in Seattle.

Utah has a plethora of Mormons and I can understand why an ex-Mormon might want to get away from there. But before you completely dismiss Utah as a place to live, consider the abundance of high-quality recreational opportunities that the state provides.

There is no other major city in the USA that has comparable easy access to the recreation that is readily available in Salt Lake City. The best powder skiing in the USA (actually the world) is a forty-five minute drive from the city. There are many nearby places to hike, climb, ski tour, back-pack, mountain-bike, and road bike.

In Salt Lake City there is a club called the Wasatch Mountain Club ( http://wasatchmountainclub.org/admin/menu.php?dir=About ). The WMC has scheduled club activities all year round. The members are almost entirely non-Mormons since a lot of the activities are on Sunday. After many club activities some of the participants will go to a local eatery for a hamburger and beer. If you center your recreational/social life around the WMC you will never know that the Mormon church exists.

The best climate in the USA is the San Diego California area, but the cost of living is very high. The mid-Atlantic region where I live has mild winters and pleasant spring and autumn weather, but the heat and humidity in the summer is unpleasant.

The choice of a new place to live is not a simple one. Be prepared to spend some significant time doing that. Good luck to you.

You can take your whole life, and light it on fire. Then fly right out of the ashes. Utah is a tiny dirt spec on this planet. There are a ton of places to work, live and be happy.

That is no small accomplishment! You have a whole new life waiting for you. How exciting! Of course I think the best place to live is the San Francisco bay area. I have lived here all of my life, so I might be biased. : ) The bay area has the best weather ever, some of the biggest accounting firms in the country, greatest restaurants, friendly people, nice beaches, fantastic farmer's markets, Silicon Valley, etc., etc..

Try visiting some weekend and check out couch surfing. Your hosts can enlighten you on the pros and cons of the area. Best of luck to you. Big hugs from this MexMom.

you said you were interested in colorado and albuquerque. I say no to albuquerque i lived there and there are a lot more mormons than you would think i went there for college for a semester and it was the worst. Now i live in fort collins colorado and it is the best city on the face of the planet. but i am still in college and it is a college town my advice stay away from albuquerque. Try denver or boulder. Colorado is the best if you enjoy the outdoors and all seasons

One thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that "wherever you go, there you are." Just moving outside of Utah isn't going to make my life magically better. Yes, it will help a lot, but I still have a lot personal issues that I need to work through. I hate to admit this, but I think I've let my disaffection from TSCC affect me in a lot of negative ways. But it's hard not to be jaded when you feel like you invested your whole life in a falsehood, and now have a huge void to fill. I could go into more details, but I don't think it's necessary for this thread. But just knowing that, with some hard work and planning, I can be somewhere else in 2013 makes me much more relieved.

Come on over to Boulder, Colorado. You'll love it here!

One of the things that allowed me to leave the TSCC without too much looking back was joining a good community that offered a lot of friends and friendly aquaintences--much like what I found at the church I left, except without nearly as much judgement, and more honesty.

I would look into each of the cities you're looking at, and see if you can find recreational groups that strike your interest. If you like books, check out the public libraries' reading clubs listings. If you like biking, try looking for bike trails and groups. If you want to join the Human Rights Campaign, check out their local chapters. If you want another church, consider what you'd want in a church and see if they've got something that looks interesting.

Ask those friends you have in Utah--especially the non-mos--if they've got friends or places dear to them that coincide with the places you're looking at moving. And ask on here about social groups. Personally, I could recommend the Renaissance Faire group near Phoenix, some comic/anime convention goers as well as planners, and some gaming groups, among others.

I've never been to Colorado but my cousin moved in with her aunt & uncle as soon as she graduated HS in 1997 and has been there ever since. She loves it - she's lived in diff. towns in the suburbs west of Denver.

Though I live farther inland (north of Sacramento), I do love the San Francisco bay area and heartily recommend it. High marks in weather and culture.

How exciting for you and how wonderful you still want to keep close ties to your mom. Yes, faking it would not be a fun thing to do. Your degree should enable you to go almost anywhere. And yes you won't feel weird being an unmarried man at 25. It will all be worth it and you will start anew. I like #2 and #3 as your choices to relocate. But there are many others as well.Anyhow, very happy for you and you have many months to figure this out. Remember, some places you mentioned get cold like where you are....some mostly rainy. I imagine New Mexico can get hot at times. What do you really like as far as weather?

I served my mission in Nevada. Just loved vegas, reno and
lake Tahoe and also phonex was a nice city. Tho I am planning
to visit boulder Colorado from australia. Denver as in John Denver rocky mountain high appeals to me.
Seatle is nice also.... Oregan Portland tho Ashland if into
Neil Donald walsch new age conversations with non judgmental god famous best seller books, he lives there and I'de like to meet him down the street and is also shakesphere festival place.

all the best.
Larry...