I was thinking about the stigma surrounding masturbation today and sifted through some of my memories.

I don't know how, but I think I started self-pleasure around the age of three; At least that's when I remember doing it for the first time. I didn't know what it was, I just knew that rubbing my genitals resulted in an intense and gratifying sensation. I would do it, even in mixed company.

One day, my TBM mom caught me and gave me a stern lecture and told me "Don't play with yourself. It's wrong." She never explained what was wrong with it, just that it was "wrong" so I continued touching myself because it felt good.

Here's where it gets a little embarrassing- Because she didn't explain to me what was wrong with it, I continued doing it, even in first grade when no one was watching. One time, a friend caught me and made the "Shame, shame" gesture with her fingers and I knew obviously I was doing something dirty. I turned a dark shade of crimson and stopped doing it in class and tried to be more secretive.

Another time, my mom caught me and threw a fit and started crying. SHe then pulled me into her room and tearfully pleaded, "WHY do you keep playing with yourself?"
I guiltely mumbled, "Because it feels good." Shocked and outraged, she said, NO IT DOESN"T FEEL GOOD. It's sinful and Jesus doesn't want you to do it."

I was perplexed, because I knew it felt good, but now I thought it was disgusting and sinful. But I continued to do it and became even more covert with masturbation.

Flash forward to puberty, which is an embarrassing stage for almost everyone. I was going through an excessively awkward adolescence and was starting to feel even more shame about my developing body and sexual thoughts. I even hid my menarche from my mother for the first 5 months because I felt distress by my early developed body.

I started the bishops interviews and was asked about masturbation. I feared my mother's wrath and derision, especially after seeing what happened to both of my sisters when they refused to follow all the Mormony rules of unattainable purity and perfection.

Now here's where it gets very strange: One of my friends who was into the New Age movement and claimed to see auras. My non-mo friends liked to tease me about my prudish ways and the aura-seer claimed I had a "green streak" on my aura. I asked her what that meant and in typical adolescent female behaviour, she decided to tease me about it instead. I had an inkling it had to do with masturbation and eventually she gave up teasing me and informed me that's exactly what the green streak meant.

I was crestfallen and depressed that now all my friends knew my filthy secret and was sure every one knew what I was doing, so I managed to stop until I was around 18.

Little did I know this was a completely normal and healthy activity. What a waste of worry and mental health for an adolescent girl.

Thanks for sharing that. I had very similar experiences and I bet lotsa others here did too. Also I was implicitly taught that girls don't really like sex or have urges. That made me feel even more like a filthy pervert.

By making a normal aspect of sexual development into a sin Mormonism can cause a great deal of psychological damage.

Take the tragic case of Kip Eliason, age 16, who had need told he should feel guilt and self-hate. This dangerous nonsense was handed out by Church authority figures with no training in child psychology.

Kip couldn't cope and killed himself.

http://www.affirmation.org/suicide_info/sin_and_death_in_mormon_country.shtml

I had hoped that this had improved but only recently I came across a mormon "SpeckCipher" commenting on a youtube video (which was on a different topic - mormon fraud!) comparing masturbation with crystal meth abuse or jumping off a cliff. Any bishop who counsels that the youngster should feel guilt is correct according to this guy, whatever the consequences.

Made be feel physically sick.

http://youtu.be/2o_uMGhu8Jo

Everything we have learned about healthy human sexuality in the past 200 years is completely ignored by Mormons. They are living in the past, much to the detriment of others.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 09:50AM by canadianfriend.

This is a related post Re: "Mormon therapist goes 2 the Bishop & BYU on client"



There's a Huge "Mormon Addiction Industry" in Utah.

The LDS church has impossible "standards" and addiction is a powerful word to use when manipulating the membership.

LDS parents and spouses rat out their relatives to the local Bishop who is instantly overwhelmed.

The Bishop contacts an "Addiction Recovery Organization" (one of which once used an actual Billboard to reach these Bishops).

The "Addiction Recovery Organization" has its own agenda to upgrade and prolong their services at outlandish prices ($1,500 to $2,000 per month?).

Because the bishop and/or Church was part of the process and a person's standing in the church is dependent upon their reported progress, the client signs over his/her privacy rights in the process.

The patient's moral standing becomes dependent upon the reports from the "Recovery Addiction Organization" that the patient is paying for.

A small problem (perhaps no real problem) can become escalated out of sight.

Youthful masturbation, for instance, has become a BIG industry, especially considering that the Church regards "sexual sin" as second only to murder in seriousness.

Frightened parents and Bishops end up ruining the lives of young people with the eager/sanctimonious help of these expensive "Counseling Companies".

It's a sick society -- and exactly the wrong people are in therapy.

...but it generates big money.

http://www.oprah.com/contributor/dr-laura-berman

Scroll down through the many interesting topics to the bottom "How to talk to your kids about sex"

Caught this show on Oprah years ago. The good Dr. discusses masturbation and suggests buying your older daughter a vibrator. Discusses learning what feels good, what does not. Takes the mystery out of what sex is all about - as in you don't have to "do it" with the first boy that comes along just because you are curious.

The whole concept was pretty ground shaking at the time. As I leave my moron mindset behind, I like it more and more.

It seems very shocking at first, but when considered, isn't it better for a girl (or a boy) to practice on herself than to practice and risk pregnancy/STI'S? There's no safer sex than masturbation!

I sometimes wonder if repressing my sexual feelings and urges for years led me to go "balls to the wall" when I left home. I had certainly experimented with HS boyfriends, but that surge of freedom when breaking free from a prison is intoxicating and maybe even a little addicting. It can lead to foolish and possibly life altering consequences.

Personally I think adults should rarely masturbate. Its better and a lot more fun to do the real thing with a real partner on a regular basis. In some relationships this is very unfrequent (less than 20 times per month). In healthy relationships its done more often. However for youth its better IMO for them to masturbate regularly. If I ever go back to the Mormon church and get made a Bishop I'll make sure the kids get a pamphlet letting them know that they should learn to regularly masturbate in order feel worthy. I certainly wouldn't ever ask any questions on such a topic w/o their parent and a licensed professional on this topic being present because that would make me a pervert and the church shouldn't have perverts as Bishops. Same goes if I'm a Mission President but in that case I'd certainly organize transfers around a person's orientation. I think every mission ought to have a Gay Zone and that in orientation the new mishies get told that if they ever have "same gender feelings" of that nature then they should come talk to me and then I'll have them meet with me and the GZL - i.e. gay zone leader to see if they should transfer into that zone. That way they can have the best 2 years of their life in the proper setting and away from the horndog heteros who are out tracting/finding opposite gender people to get in bed for 2 years. The church is clear that a mission is supposed to be the best 2 years of your life so its obvious how the mission rules need to be reformed to make this possible.

Ridiculous. The only real "should" might be "adults should listen to and respect their bodies.

First of all, 20x per month is infrequent?! (or as you say, "unfrequent") I disagree, and think many other women would feel the same way. Secondly, if you require sexual release three times more than your partner, masterbation is a perfect solution. Finally, what about the unpartnered adults? You think a 40 year old single/divorced/widowed adult should just sleep with a couple dozen people each month?

This thread is about (in part) taking in a larger, more accepting view. Feel free to come along. ...um, so to speak...

Well they can partner up :) But if they don't want to or can't seem to find one then they should be masturbating ;)

Masturbation is healthy both for adult women and men. For men, it lowers the risk of prostate cancer. For women it helps with menstrual cramps. It relieves tension and stress for both.

Even in a sexually healthy relationship, it's perfectly normal to masturbate on a regular basis.

What if you're not in a relationship? Just suffer with the horny then?

You do realize, of course, that not everyone is married, no?

But the real deal is better than masturbating.

Sometimes masterbating is better. Fast, easy, no egos involved, and to reference a couple posts up, perfect for menstrual cramps.

alex71ut Wrote:
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> But the real deal is better than masturbating.

I've had enough unskilled gross men pawing at me to know that no, it isn't always better. They sounded a lot like you actually, because you seem to think your sexual experience is *universal*, when its not. Listen to other people.

Sometimes sex is just terrible with some people. I would rather use my own skills than ever spend 5 minutes in that situation again.

I disagree.

Masturbation to me is not a replacement for coupled sex but something completely different. It's between me, myself and I. It's like a private meditation of some (pleasurable) sort. I am entirely focused on connecting with myself when I'm masturbating and it's a very different experience than when I'm being sexual with someone else.

I agree 100% about how negative it is that mormonism, or any belief system, demonizes healthy, natural human behaviour.

And this thread reminded me of a thought I had as a kid.

I grew up in a non-religious home and most of my friends did as well. I never really encountered religious thinking about sex until I went to a YM-YWCA camp when I was about nine years old (by that age I had been masturbating regularly for two years, not that that has any bearing on my point; I'm just sayin' I was aware of the good feelings my body could make).

At the camp, I can't remember the context of how the following comment came up, I simply remember one of the camp leaders talking about how 'down there' was dirty and that Christians do not touch themselves 'down there.' I understood what she meant about 'down there' but because she specifically mentioned Christians, and because I was not a Christian, I got this thought into my head that Christians must do something that makes their 'down theres' dirty, as in covered with dirt, because my 'down there' was clean.

My imagination went wild wondering what on earth went on to get Christian people's bottoms so dusty, sooty and muddy! This weird notion stayed with me for quite a while and I distinctly remember not wanting to sit in the same seats that Christian kids had sat in for fear of catching their 'down there' dirt!

:-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 01:31PM by spaghetti oh.

Wow, and I thought I was young when I started masterbating. I was an 8 year old girl when the guilt started. I carried that stress for 12 years! Masterbation is a form of safe sex. If you do not allow an out for that sexual tension, it can become harmful. Maybe this is why some catholic priests go after little boys.

I love the ads on KSL radio for "pornstinks" and the big billboards along I 15. Way to lay on the guilt, it's everywhere you look!!!

nomomomo Wrote:
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> I love the ads on KSL radio for "pornstinks" and
> the big billboards along I 15. Way to lay on the
> guilt, it's everywhere you look!!!

The mormon church thinks that the main harm of porn is towards family men, not towards the women in the pornography. It is pretty crazy, considering how women are treated in porn. They aren't even allowed to use condoms (because they wouldn't get work if they insisted), so they are regularly infected with STDs. This is outside of the "consent for money" and substance abuse problems in pornography.

there are legitimate criticisms of pornography that have nothing to do with church.

"[Number 2 on the list]...Cults tend to be psychologically manipulative or abusive in order to exploit and control members commercially or sexually."

http://www.familysurvivaltrust.org/info.php?page=what_cults_are

It didn't matter if I was teen or adult. I would never ever discuss my sex life with a bishop. I've always thought my sex life was nobody's business. I wasn't about to be judged by some guy at church. I must have projected my attitude about it, because a bishop has never, asked me anything about my sex life.

Ironically, when I was 27 a bishop that I've never met to this day, decided to excommunicate me for living with my fiancee for 2 weeks. I had been inactive for about 6 years, and didn't know anyone in the town I lived in. I never met the bishop, never even talked to him on the phone. Same with everyone else who was involved in my excommunication. I never met them, and have no idea who any of them are. They mailed me paperwork that I never responded to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2012 04:42PM by Mia.

The shame about masturbation is that it is going to be a few hours before I get a chance to do it again.

Heehee... just think of the hours as time spent buttering yourself up.

I think i rememember first starting when i was 13 and my parents ended up catching me at one point sending me to the bishop. And when mission time came around i was held back becuase i was the only honest one. At one point i was so depressed i couldnt quit i really just wanted to die. I felt so unworthy, not to mention never getting any type of answer. The guilt and manipulation was just too much to bear. They sent me to multiple counselors (now i see what your saying about that) Saying i had add so it was typical addictive behavior so i needed to find right medication...? I still have guilt from it im trying to get rid of

Incidentally, for any folks still recovering from the Mormon attitudes to masturbation...

I have heard extremely good reports of "Sex for One", by Betty Dodson; a good masturbation-positive volume.

I didnt have parents who cared, in fact, I didnt know flogging the little bishop would ever even bother the big Bishop.

But despite not being "indoctrinated" I still felt like I'd done something wrong.

Funny thing is, I knew my parents had a healthy sexual relationship, heck, they even had porn.

I really didn't know at the time why it felt wrong.

Can anyone explain the phyc around that one?

I was never asked about it in bishop's interviews as a teen, so I figured I was good to go. ;)