Can anyone say the same thing? I came out in the open as an apostate and eventually quit activity in the LDS church because of my children. They are fully aware of this but at the same time they know that I left NOT to stop them from having the choice to be in the church but to give them the real freedom to choose which way they'd go regarding Mormonism. For a while I pondered the idea of being a NOM but in the end decided that I couldn't bear the thought of eventually facing my children with the truth that I had lived a lie for years. I certainly lived a lie for months as I sorted my way through what my life was when I stopped believing and what it had become because I could no longer believe ever again. When I got out my kids were 7 and 5 so they certainly were never deeply ingrained in Mormonism. I certainly don't mean to judge the NOM'ers but don't they ever consider the consequences for their children?

I'm currently struggling with this. I have very recently learned the truth, and my tbm husband can see it, but doesn't want to believe it. I told him I didn't want to lie to my kids, but he doesn't understand and can only come back with "your leaving us." thanks for your post it helps me clarify what I mean and hopefully can better explain it to my hubby. I know the answer is nothing, but I keep wanting to ask, what can I say/do/show him that will help him open up to the truth? Ugh this sucks.

I talked with my 31-year old daughter the other day about leaving Mormonism in part because I didn't want her treated as a second-class citizen. (An indicator of how confused I was for a while, I had baptized her 5 or 6 months prior.) She said she was glad she wasn't part of it and wondered how much difference it made to who she is. I'm also glad my sons don't have to deal with all of it.

I just recently came out and told everyone I love that I've left the church. While some resent me for doing so, I did it in the long run for my children. I want them to have open minds and to discover the world in a way I never was able to choose. My wife grew up in both worlds. She had a nonmember dad and a very TBM mother. She came out very well rounded and I on the other hand had two TBM parents. My parents took it as very hard whereas my inlaws saw it as a great way to strengthen our marriage. Our kids will now have a choice! I'm so glad and I'll go through whatever I have to so that choice is available. My marriage has been strengthened and is much more than it was prior but my parents think that since I've left, my family will fail. I will prove them wrong. My wife and I will prove them wrong. I suggest you give them the choice! My kids are too young to understand right now, but I'm hoping the understand when they can. :) good luck to you. Your husband will get over it when you surprise him with trading the garmies for real underwear. Haha

This is directed to "theoneandonly"

Just take things really slow with DH and tell him how much you love him. I've had a lot of struggles with my DH the past 18 months. Our marriage improved greatly when I agreed to follow the WOW again.

I drank tea and coffee for almost a year (and drinking alcohol once) and he thought I was Satan. We made a compromise that I would obey the WOW and nowhe pays half tithing to his church. Ever since then things have really gotten better. If you choose to drink coffee/alcohol, there is no need to tell him about it. I didn't do any of that stuff in front of. Y husband, but because I even told him it really affected things. I wish I would have never told him in the first place.

Good luck and don't go too fast or tell him too much.

I completely agree with this statement. Thinking of my children gave me the final emotional motivation to actually send in my letter. I was not going to subject them to the same indoctrination and pre-ordained path that I had walked. I want so much more for them...and...I want them to be emotionally free from the fetters of LDS cognitive incarceration.

D

Me too. The only comfort I have had in extricating myself and my family from this mess is that the generational clusterf* finally stops here.

I want my descendents to be proud of me. I think they will be.

By the time I left, both of my daughters were married and had left the church and my son was 16 and I knew he wasn't that ingrained and if I left he'd probably flip his finger at it too. I did give him a choice, but he was happy to have it behind him.

So I thought, "Whew! I broke the chain. My grandchildren will hear about Mormons and think, "My grandmother was one of THEM?"" I thought it was really all behind us. It was all about my grandchildren.

So I get my kids all out of the church, we move to the other side of the country. My son leaves Utah and moves out here too. We know no Mormons, it isn't on our radar anywhere. And what happens? My son is working at a restaurant in Mississippi and meets a hot girl and well, ends up knocking her up. And guess what? Her father is the freakin Mormon Bishop! I mean, how many Mormons are there in Mississippi ferchrissake??? And my son knocks up the bishops daughter. They married a few months after the baby was born.

It all turned out ok. Part of what drew my son and DIL together was their common background but she was trying to fly the coop and has since completely given it up, although they're still members and did allow her dad to bless the baby.

But yes, there is NO better reason to get out than your kids. Think of them and think of your grandkids and really decide whether you want to continue to perpetuate the lie or whether you're willing to break the chain and free them.

Me too! Having kids was the bigest thing that convinced me that I wanted nothing to do with the church. When my first baby was born I realized what was really important to me. I know that heavenly father would never want me to waste my precious time with my family being bored in church. And I don't want my children to endure the guilt and shame that I did while being indoctrinated. Especially my little girl.

My tbm fil told my husband that we couldn't be proud of our son to the fullest degree if he didn't serve a mission. So glad we got out!

I hope your husband had the balls to tell him where he can shove his opinion...?

Aww thanks for the words of advice. Luckily I have been on the slope for a few years. When I was pregnant I stopped wearing the g top, first at night then during the day. Then I refused to wear it while I nursed. I got pregnant again while nursing, and on the mini pill, so I had about 2 years with no top. I know weird. Then due to a huge fall out over my birthday I told my husband I refused to go to church or act as though I believe when I don't, and the only reason I had was for him. I feel awful about tricking him into marrying me, but it is what it is. That's when I finally put some normal undies back on. As for the wow, I had drank coffee on and off our whole marriage, but when I took off the bottoms I also bought a coffee pot. That was probably a bigger deal than the g's. Now he's pretty cool with it, and will even start my devils brew in the am for me if it's been a really bad night.

I think the biggest thing holding him back is the way he thinks everyone else views him. He has always been the good kid, always got good grades, was captin of the swim team, served the right mission. Hell when he married me my family thanked him for taking me off there hands. When my mom asked about the no g's she said and I quote " has B about had it with you, is he going to divorce you?" umm no. if anything I'm going to divorce him, for lying to me.

I always knew "the church" was a sham, but I didn't know about the early history until recently. I feel like I never had the ammo to back up my feelings and now that I do I am having a hard time taking it slow with sharing the info.

On a side note, the hubster does have a meeting with the bishop next week so he can disclose his porn viewing. I told him I don't think it's nessisary, and that our sex life should stay between us. I have no problem with him watching porn, I just don't like to be lyed to about it. He is insistent on attending and sharing soni will be going with to monitor. Any advice?

Sorry for hijacking this thread.

Yes,

I have to say this was probably the major factor for me.

I spent about 3 years as a silent non-believer. I still continued to attend and fulfill callings etc. This was mostly because I didn't want the fallout in my marriage of doing otherwise.

For about 6 months I seriously considered letting my wife know. Ultimately my biggest reason for doing so was thinking - "what if I had a child who decided they don't believe or started questioning and felt like I would be disappointed in them for questioning/not believing?"

but I knew that my kids would be treated like outcasts once my marriage fell apart and they were children of divorce. I came from a partially active family and I was raised being treated as less than in mormonism. I refused to allow that to happen to my kids.

It took some years before I quit believing, but I think it was being away from the daily or weekly indoctrination that helped it fall apart. My kids were only 8 or so when I went inactive. My daughter went back to mormonism at about age 21. My son says he never bought into it even as a child.

I hate watching my daughter repeat my own mistakes, but I have to allow her to live her life.