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Posted by: liminal state ( )
Date: March 29, 2012 07:59PM

I was curious how any of you have dealt with or are dealing with judgemental Mormons?

What do they judge you on, anyways?

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Posted by: dk ( )
Date: March 29, 2012 08:08PM

Why wasn't I married. I ignored them. It's worse them giving them a response, positive or negative.

I was at a wedding reception at our chapel. When the bride was going to throw the bouquet, someone came to my table to tell me and ask why I wasn't going to be in the group of women to catch it. I answered, "Why would I want to catch the bouquet? Is there a man attach to it?"

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Posted by: snb ( )
Date: March 29, 2012 08:14PM

At work I have to be careful sometimes. A good 70% of the people around me at any given time at work are Mormons that I work with. I deal with them by avoiding most relations with them. If there is ever a comment or question the contents of my coffee travel coffee mug, or why I'm unmarried and without kids, I respond very carefully and rationally.

I haven't had a problem yet, though sometimes things have gotten a bit stressful.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: March 29, 2012 08:23PM

I've been judged
on my health
kids
where I live
husband
clothes
weight
personality
talents/or lack of
and probably a lot of things I don't know about. It used to drive me crazy. Then I realized it's not about me. They just needed someone to judge. If its not me, it's going to be somebody else. It only matters if I'm happy with me. So, they can judge away. The difference now is, they don't get access to me to tell me all about it. If they are still doing it, they seriously need to get a life.

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Posted by: tiptoes ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 12:42AM

Thanks for the link.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: March 29, 2012 11:57PM

with judgemental people.

Because anything I shared was just going to be gossip or conflict fodder.

You can't have a healthy or happy relationship with somebody who is looking down on you and trying to change you.

And you can't control what people say or think about you, either. It's a waste of energy.

So you just be yourself, and perhaps avoid exposing yourself to criticism by avoiding judgemental people. For example: don't friend people of facebook who are judgemental, or set your privacy settings differently for them.

Another possible way to deal with them would be to do EXACTLY what you want to do, regardless of whether they are around and make sure they know that you don't care what they think.

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Posted by: Don Bagley ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 12:52AM

I got judged for being introverted and uninterested in religion. I really feel religion has no place in my life, and I don't want to associate with religious people.

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Posted by: honestone ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 07:38AM

don b, I hope you mean overly religious people- who talk about it all the time. I am sure many religious people could be good friends with you and other nonreligious folks. You see, we are the nonjudgemental type. I am religious, but not over the top.

I do not discuss my religion in mixed settings....only in the group which wants to discuss it. My religion doesn't have to be expressed in words - only actions. And the same is true for anyone who wishes to show they have good character....it is just how I show my religion. An atheist can do the same, a buddist, a hindu. Once their behavior indicates they are not on the same wavelength as me is when I choose not to associate with them. It is all about behavior.... NOT because they are religous or not religious.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2012 07:38AM by honestone.

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Posted by: boiseguy ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 01:14AM

I've been judged on
What I wear
What I say
Who I'm with
How I live
Who I love
And the best way to handle them is to use excessive profanity in telling them off and surprisingly they don't talk to you about it ever again. Mormons hate confrontation.
It's only when u make them feel as if their opinion is valued that they impose it upon u once u truly don't give a @#$%& anymore and they know u don't give a @#$%& anymore what they think and say even behind your back doesn't matter f@ck them.

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Posted by: sam ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 07:51AM

Many Mormons are judgemental when someone does not conform to their world of dress, behavior, diet, lifestyle, and so forth. I would add there are many that are big gossips. Many lives have been ruined by all of this.

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Posted by: liminal state ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 02:24PM


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2012 12:21PM by happyexmormon.

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Posted by: liminal state ( )
Date: March 31, 2012 04:07AM


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2012 12:21PM by happyexmormon.

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Posted by: Itzpapalotl ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 08:32AM

but I feel amused when judged by self-righteous types and it only encourages me to act more outrageous. Utah has that affect on me overall to be as non-Mormony as possible.... and it works in spades keeping those people away from me.

I saw one of those amusing cards on FB the other day and it said, "If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason."

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 08:53AM


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Posted by: icanseethelight ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 01:45PM

As a former judgement dealer, I use humor, wit, and honesty, to defuse and embarrass those who foolishly judge me in public.

It is especially satisfying when they do not realize what I am doing until several hours later.

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Posted by: onendagus ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 02:45PM

Isn't the question redundant? Don't judgemental and mormon mean the same thing? :)

I say distract, change subject and if that doesn't work then avoid. Sometimes mormon friends are able to act completely normal but then something will trigger their judgmental mode. If they can't be snapped out of it by changing the subject it really is painful to be around them.

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Posted by: rosemary ( )
Date: March 30, 2012 11:18PM

Yeah. . . Sticks and stones and all that. Until you get to the point my family got to where a brother called CPS with a whole mess of horrible allegations against me. That not only hit me with terrible depression--and now some small amount of paranoia--but it put a kink in our adoption process.

It was pure evil. When we finally got to see the report, it read like something from The Crucible and I learned that this isn't *just* judgement. There's a point at which the judgement becomes justification(in their minds) for attack. If we were living in the right times, I'm certain my family would literally have me hanged or burned as a witch. They would do it.

And hells yeah, I do think that even if the Mormon aspect isnt the direct cause of it, it feeds it. Every single one of my brothers is an upstanding priesthood holder. Every f*****g Sunday they get to sit there and congratulate themselves on what great people they are. I'm sick just thinking about them.

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Posted by: CGI ( )
Date: April 01, 2012 01:22AM

Happyexmormon~ Thank you. Your kindness yesterday was very much appreciated. I wish everyone on this site had the character that you do.

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Posted by: mothermayeye ( )
Date: April 01, 2012 01:42AM

Judged my entire life for everything...
For not going to church every Sunday,
For wearing tank tops,
Wearing shorts that are considered too short,
Wearing a bikini,
Too many ear piercings,
How I speak,
How I color my hair,
Not ever being married,
Having two kids outta wedlock,
Because I haven't been thru temple,
Dated a non-member,
Didn't take the stale sacrament,
What my kids have done or said,
Etc, etc,
I could go on and on!!!

It might be easier to say what I haven't been judged on! Hate those ppl

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Posted by: Tupperwhere ( )
Date: April 01, 2012 01:48AM

kill them with kindness. NOTHING bothers them more (from my experience)

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Posted by: skeptifem ( )
Date: April 01, 2012 02:02AM

I am pretty normal by non-mormon standards, so I just kinda have to laugh in the context of the wider world. Growing up someone where else really helped.

I cuss and drink coffee and I am not anyone's helpmeet.

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Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 09:38PM

Same here, growing up where Mormons are a relative minority means that I appear normal to most people. I cuss on occasion, and I drink coffee, plus I'm nobody's helpmeet. My fiancee likes that I have my own opinions, and we're delaying setting a wedding date until we're more financially secure than we are. We were both hit in the recession, where I spent over a year unemployed after being laid off, and he had his hours drastically cut.

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Posted by: hello ( )
Date: April 01, 2012 04:27AM

They judge you on everything and anything.

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Posted by: jenn ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 09:11PM

when i was 14 the kids at school called me devil worshiper for wearing a cross

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 09:21PM

(Again, Not Defending)


judging others is one of the Core activities of life.

If you have a flat tire in a rural setting and cannot change it or get family/friends to help you, you might need to judge the intentions of a stranger who offers to help.

if you have children, you judge who are appropriate pals.

you judge people at work, who to trust, who not to.

neighbors, the person who carries groceries out to your car (recent thread here), 'Everything'.

developing a refined, astute sence of judgment is a survival skill.

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Posted by: janebond462 ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 09:45PM

+1

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Posted by: schmendrick ( )
Date: April 03, 2012 11:17AM

There is a difference between judgment and the rhetorical implications of "judgmental," which includes "condemnation." Judgment as you described it is simple evaluation. "Judgmental" is an adjective describing *why* someone engages in certain kinds of judgment.

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Posted by: blindednomore ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 10:50PM

My extended family judges everyone for everything. I got judged for:

grooming my horse on Sunday
watching pg-13 movies
being a vegetarian
dating an inactive
being a democrat

They always indicated that they knew God better than anyone else on earth. My cousin said, "God is smiling on me and I know you are struggling." Then proceeded to write me a letter saying she saw that Satan was getting me in his grasp.

It used to bother me so much. I recently saw the light. How dare any of them tell me what God wants for my life. Why don't they worry about their own damn lives. That's what I am going to say next time it happens.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 02, 2012 10:54PM

agree. it's prolly the Most Obnoxious thing about TBMs.
Mormons invent horrific ways to waste energy & other resources, don't they?

What could possibly be More Shallow, Less valid/productive than judging a woman with (GASP) bare shoulders, 'immodest' earrings (JUST HOW CAN EARRINGS BE "IMMODEST"????)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2012 11:03PM by guynoirprivateeye.

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Posted by: yin ( )
Date: April 03, 2012 12:31AM

Isn't judgment the basic tenet and concept of Western religions?

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Posted by: rosemary ( )
Date: April 03, 2012 01:09AM

I think Christopher Hitchens nailed the attitude with the statement: "pardon my humility, but I'm on a mission from God."

Yes, some judgement is healthy and necessary to life. Hyper-religious folk manage to take it to an extreme and not only prevent everyone else from living an emotionally healthy life, but damage themselves in the process. They eliminate a lot of good people from their lives and misplace trust in bad people who have the right title in front of their names.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: April 03, 2012 10:35AM

My dad was never very active mormon when I was a child. My mother was socially backward. We were treated as outcasts. What were we NOT judged for. Three of my siblings left the lds church as teenagers--for judgements made. I just keep thinking of the different things that happened to us as kids by leaders even--let alone members.

The best I was ever treated in mormonism was when my husband and I were a "young" married couple with twins. My "husband" is gay--and we have been "separated" for 16 or 17 years now. He was quickly moving up in the church because he is very, very, very friendly and well liked. It was the only time in my life I was treated like anything of value in mormonism. When I found out he was cheating and he was ex. sec. and the bishop told me he would be one of the next bishops, I went inactive because I didn't want the fallout to be public. I also didn't want my chlidren to be treated as I had in mormonism.

After he left, I was judged harshly. I am very reserved and stay to myself. I wanted to get on the roof and shout, "It wasn't my fault." I finally got over that.

Now--I have a boyfriend who I live with part of the time. I live here part of the time. I don't hide anything. I just go about living my life. My tbm daughter says I confuse the neighbors! They are all nice to all of us.

Once I just accepted my life as it is--it changed everything. I mow the lawn on Sundays. My "husband" lives at our home and I come and go--and the neighbors know. Our son looks anything BUT mormon.

I don't mind Utah (I posted on your other thread about Utah). As I drove home on Sunday from Colorado and I dropped into Ogden I started to cry. THIS IS HOME. My family has never been TBM. My parents lived and died here. I stopped at their grave as I drove through Brigham and on up to Cache Valley. I love Utah. I have learned to just live my life as I see fit and once I started just doing that, for the most part, people have been very decent to me.

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Posted by: mack ( )
Date: April 03, 2012 10:57AM

I stopped caring about their judgement of me. Here in Utah the question I get asked most is "What ward are you in?"
This used to annoy the crap out of me. Not any more.
My response when asked "What ward are you in?": I'm in the 5TH WARD. The Bishop's name is Jameson. First counselor is Bud, second counselor is Bud Light.

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