I swear, they seem to have ZERO skills at times for organization and follow through!!!!!!

I took both my kids to the chapel for Wednesday Primary and Youth activities. It turns out the Scouts were cancelled for the third time in a month!!! I expressed my frustration at one sister who said her son had texted my son about the cancellation. I quipped, "This is the THIRD TIME! How many times must we repeat that DS never checks his cell phone for texts???? How many times must I repeat, CALL US AS WELL?" OMFG!

Then I come back to the chapel at 7:45 pm to pick up DD from Faith in God. I enter and no one's running around in the hallways. I had to enter the gym and find my daughter. She was promised a donut and picked it up from one of the counselors. I was floored when she so airheaded absent mindedly asked, "What's the time?"

"Uh, it's 7:45 pm, when I ALWAYS pick up my kids," I responded.

"Oh, I lost track of the time," she mused.

Luckily I didn't do a facepalm right then and there. I just left.

DD starts the YW program on Wednesdays next week. I hope they communicate better than the Primary and YM!!! @_@

I don't understand. The people running the ward programs are professional, well-trained people. What you describe is as if they just randomly assign ward members to do it all and then hand them a manual. Christ's true church wouldn't do things that way, would they??

Stop taking them to the Mormon church. Get them enrolled in real programs instead.

If you are here, then I assume you realize it is all a lie, and a venomous one at that. Why are you still going? Is it because you are afraid about how your kids will deal with leaving the church? That is the cult talking. Sit them down. Go over what you have learned. If they are older teens, then tell them that if they still want to attend church, that is their business, but then go over once again how you know it is not true.

Go straight for the jugular though. A sixteen year old might not get why it was wrong for Joseph Smith to sleep with fourteen year olds (since in their mind, they perceived themeselves mature adults at that age) However, if they have a firm grasp of DNA and anthropology, you can pawn the BofM.

I agree with forbiddencokedrinker. You've made it clear how frustrating it is. So why bother? Just dissapear. Screw'em. They won't even ask where you are, or why you stopped coming.

Leaving the church can be scary at first, but the feelings of total freedom and liberation kick in right away.

You don't have to give excuses. TBMs would prefer you to argue about their church than just be indifferent. They hate it most when they don't even register on your radar.

You're totally free. Fill the void with things you love. Go have a good time.

Agreed with all above. Don't take them or cooperate in them attending any more. It really IS all a lie and the longer you stick around the more it becomes entrenched in them. Vanish, shut these people out, don't listen to what they say, don't be frustrated by them - just GET OUT! Primary and Mutual are simply indocrination organizations anyway.

I am between a roack and a hard place. TBM DH insists the kids must attend church all three hours on Sunday until they each graduate from high school and can choose their own level of activity. He knows of my disaffection and lets me choose my level of activity. They want me to be with them during SM to show my support on Sunday, then they don't mind if I skip out on the last two hours. TBM DH is pleased with that.

The kids like the social aspect of the Wednesday meetings. However, TBM DH isn't as strict about them going every week.

But the fly in the ointment will be later this year when the oldest starts seminary. For TBM DH, this is as mandatory as going to church on Sunday.

At least he says the church has nothing to do with our marriage and stays with me in spite of my disaffection. He's on deployment so hence my staying in SM for the kids. I'm lucky that he is very open minded and wants to stay with me even though I'm not that much of a believer anymore.

Forcing them to go regardless of what they want is pretty much a guarantee that they will never look back except with biterness once they can flee.

You may want to mention the Lord defines the age of accountability at age eight...

basically, since they're his kids, he gets to call all the shots regarding everything they do.

and he compromises by letting you continue to live in your house.

you are better than that! these are your kids he's trying to destroy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/24/2012 07:13PM by scooter.

I agree here (except the part where he's trying to destroy your kids). Knowing your situation from another board, your DH being on deployment right now, you should be primarily calling the shots while he's away imho. I understand trying to keep peace in your marriage (having had to do that for several years with a TBM spouse. Thank heavens he saw the light!) But your DH is ultimately controlling the situation. And despite wanting to keep peace in my marriage, I would never let my children be exposed to a toxic harmful organization at that level of activity. Sorry if that's a little judgy. I do understand where you're coming from, but I wouldn't do that to my kids, regardless.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2012 05:19AM by goldenrule.

Well, on the bright side, just imagine if your collection of fools had to go massacre a wagon train as a ward activity.

Otremer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well, on the bright side, just imagine if your
> collection of fools had to go massacre a wagon
> train as a ward activity.

OMG that's funny!

Susan

Wow. It sounds to me like you are the difficult one in this situation. Why don't you just have your son check for a text a message before you take him to the church? You want to get a
personal phone call when it would take about three seconds for your son to look and see that he has a text message?? And you are complaining about having to walk from the hallway to the gym?

You should keep going to TSCC. Maybe your antics will make one of those leaders question what the hell they are doing there too.

...she'll learn life skills that YW will never teach her...like how to be self-sufficient, independent, and intellectually curious. Oh yeah, and to question patriarchy and homophobia.

Hmm, forums can be a harsh world... I won't dump on you about teaching your kids to check their phones before leaving the house....

But it sounds like you and your husband need to do some renegotiating. If you are aware of the falsehood and harm of tscc, what on earth are you doing taking your children there?

I am a little dismayed at your language choices, your husband "lets" you decide your personal level of involvement in the church, you're "lucky that he is very open minded and wants to stay with" you??? It sounds as though you are not understanding your own worth and value. Your husband does not let you, you choose. You are not lucky that he stays with you, you choose to continue to align yourself with him. Don't misunderstand, I'm not pushing for a separation or anything but do take a step back to reevaluate your position in this marital equation. It sounds like you are being stepped on, big time.

Your husbands actions do not strike me as open minded. It sounds as though he is appeasing you superficially (after all, he "lets" you choose your very own level of involvement, wowie zowie!) while he forces your children into an organization with which you no longer agree. Forcing children to attend a religious service that the other spouse opposes is not open minded.

This. It may be a little forward of me, but you sound like you might benefit from some assertiveness training, and perhaps talking to a (non-mormon) counselor about self-worth. If you live near a college (anything except BYU), they often have a training psychology program that is offered for free or cheap. It's not the best option, but helping with assertiveness is something most of them know how to do.

I'm doing the same for myself, as I've found that I'm bad at standing up for myself in many situations, and sometimes wonder if I even have a right to do so.

I won't say you definitely shouldn't let your children go to church. But it should be something you fully agree to (and not out of guilt, or because you feel you need to make amends to your husband for your disbelief), and if your children say they don't want to go they should be able to make that choice too, preferably with your support.

Totally agree with both Southern and DM.

If you are stuck participating then use their actions against them.

"See kids, this is what happens when uncommitted, only-doing-this-because-I-have-to amateurs run things."

"See kids, this is what happens when people think they speak for god."

I didn't mean to sound too harsh earlier. I've just been on the other side of that exact scenario. I cannot notify every person in some kid's family when plans change. It would burn me up to hear some parent calling me dense just because I wasn't satisfying their arbitrary notification requirements. I will let your family know when plans change but I will do it in the simplest way possible for me i.e. mass email or text.
That's a pet peeve of mine,other members knit picking my performance in a calling but being unwilling to help.

It can be difficult when you have clashing technology preferences, but in this case texting about a cancellation appears to be a reasonable (and expedient) notice. If your son is too absent minded to check his texts, perhaps the leaders can text you instead.

I personally tip my hat to any adult willing to take on a youth group. Even teachers lose track of time on occasion (and we get pretty much the same reaction from parents...but at least we get paid. lol)

Yeah I as well have a serious problem with how you perceive the way your husband treats you.

He "lets you" decide how active you want to be? You are an adult and the mother of his children. You can decide your own involvement in a cult you no longer believe in. If you do not want your kids raised in it, you should let that be known.