I lurked for years before getting up the courage to post. But now, I've been here for nearly two decades! Having grown up mormon, there will always be a part of my identity that relates to the absurdity of it all.
I've been posting for years. The Bagley name is well known to Mormons. Many of us are pebbles in the shoes of Mormon authority, and I delight in that fact. My ancestors go back to Nauvoo, and I know my history.
I started posting right away but I'm a journalist so my natural instinct is to write when something is bothering me, if I'm studying a subject or if I'm trying to figure something out. I stayed here because even though some people say there is a lot of fighting on this board, it also keeps me on my toes to know that my posts will get some intellectual scrutiny. That same demand for proof and facts and well-thought-out opinions is also why I trust you guys.
An ex-girlfriend of mine introduced me to the site in passing and mentioned "the view of the Hebrews". I lurked for a couple of days and discovered how the BOA was complete bullshit.
It only took a couple of months before I jumped in
My wife and I were separated at the time. But we worked things out and I have to thank my ex-GF for introducing me to this, and saving me from living in a heap of manure.
Amazing woman just for the record...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2012 12:23AM by Lost Mystic.
I'm a newer poster. Lurked here for a year or so. Trigger to start posting was the need to spew the stuff in my head. Have a TBM wife who won't have any of it, so I need you all for your empathy and therapy. Atheism in the Morridor is a sanity-killer. Just love knowing there's someone like you, Lost Mystic, that's equally baffled by how TSCC survives and thrives when there's so much obvious B.S. to the whole thing. Love your posts, Lost Mystic. Keep up the good fight.
I left the church in the early nineties when I was a teen. I found this site when a friend was thinking about joining the Morg, and I needed some facts on mormonism to back up what I had been taught as a kid.
Now I like to read it because in California, there are so few people with a similar background.
When I first heard about RFM I thought it was a bad idea--that it was giving too much importance to the church.
I had never been on any internet, but I finally figured out how to check it out. I lurked about six months. I could not believe the stories people were sharing. I could not believe the hurt, the despair, the strength, and the great advice and most of all the heart.
It made me realize I had only buried all of the things I had no way to sort out all those years ago, and here was a place with a lot of people like me.
I have learned so much from nearly everyone here. It is the best and I am very grateful to those who run it.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2012 12:02AM by blueorchid.
I lurked for about one day. The day I cut my temple clothes into little pieces was the day I posted. It was an event I wanted to share, an event that was a mile stone. It was the day I knew I was done with participating in Mormonism.
I'm one of those mostly lurkers who rarely post. In fact, a lot of people even accuse me of being a deadbeat. You see, I have a whole lot of kids, and at least half of them think that I don't want them to know I even exist. My answers have even sometimes been compared to a jug of milk. The nerve of some!
I like to find funny things to put my special kind of humor on. Like my favorite wine, that would be mostly dry.
Speaking of wine, you all know that Word of Wisdom. It didn't come from me at all. That all purely originated from a spat between Joe and Emma. Just for the record...
I just barged in one day and posted a question about a mormon man I had fallen in love with who dumped me. I was too phucked up to be patient and lurk to get know the forum.
Now I mostly lurk and follow various ideas and people's stories... not in a stalking sort of way! ;-) But I honestly find reading this forum therapeutic and inspiring even though I'm a nevermo. Oh, and the humour has me hooked...!
with no personal experience of Mormonism, but I got hooked on the people here, the debates and, yes, the stories...
I try to keep out of the way, mostly, only posting (I hope) when I've something to say. As a nevermo, that rules out many LDS topics, but I learn a lot.
I appreciate the site. Sometimes I am so fed up with Mormonism because my divorce (@#%&) and son's suicide attempts (@#%^&, @#%&%!!) that the idea someone is also fed up with the Mormon Monster is such a comfort. I appreciate just knowing you guys are out there. I would like to find a way to meet and form a more organized focused effort.
New-er poster, lurked for a loooong time before getting the courage to make an account. I was always afraid to participate for fear of somehow being "outed" as doubting the gospel. I had that TBM mind-set fearing what might happen should someone discover I was really struggling. I was also unsure of my stance with the church. I kept hoping that all the terrible things I was finding were going to somehow be trumped by something magnificent. Instead, it just kept getting worse and suddenly I needed a place where I could openly read/talk about the church without fear of ridicule. My sanity thanks you RfM :)
I guess I've been posting on and off since college. I hope my posts now are less angsty... I found RFM listed in the resource section of "Mormon America."( Apologies to those who have heard this before). I was 15 and I was so relieved by the term ex-mormon that I cried. I had never realized that THAT'S what I wanted to be.
I think it was just a very pertinent post that I just had to say something to that got me going. Now I post because I want to keep RfM/exmormon.org on the first page of Google returns for "mormon" and "lds". This website is a miracle. On a minimal budget (they meet their donation goal in just a few hours per year), they out-traffic the church's numerous multi-million-$ corporate spending programs using professional IT and PR personnel, besides thousands of missionaries.
This site was what woke me up to the fact that Mormonism is BS. I was in shock. I kept coming back and reading more, and I cried at how the horrible racist doctrines affected real people. I don't have much experience posting on internet boards, but it's anonymous anyway, so why not? I disagree with people on here all the time, but I also have a lot of posters here that I care about. It's kind of like a family - like how you fight with your brothers and sisters, but they're also the only ones who really get your jokes. I'll probably be around here, off and on, for a long time, since this site has had such an impact on my life.
I was a less-active RfMer up until recently. ;) Back when I was exiting the Morg I posted a lot (around 2002 to 2004, I think... I can't really remember when I became a less-active RfMer). I returned, after the long absence, mostly because I have a new co-worker who's an RM and he sits at the desk right next to me. At first I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of how interacting with him would go. The situation kind of piqued my interest in coming back to see what's been happening on the RfM board these days.
As soon as we had a conversation where it was made known that he is an RM, I told him that I also served a mission and an Ex-mo. He's turned out to be a cool, nice, low-key guy and there's no TBM Ex-mo tension between us at all, as far as I can tell.
I'll probably bow out again in a few months when this latest TBM close-call fades into the past and then return again at sometime in the future when I need the comfort/encouragement of hearing how others in similar situations are dealing with the antics of TBM parents, siblings, and extended family members or co-workers.
I'd say that during my RfMing while I was in the exit/resignation process, mostly I liked posting about the facts that I was finding out, the cult nature and tactics that I was recognizing in the organization, sources that were helpful in shedding light on LDS doctrine and history, and incidents where the members were being treated unfairly.
This time around, I don't care so much about those topics, since others have them well-covered, and I don't need any reaffirmations as to the cruel joke that Mormonism is. I mostly just rant, vent, and quip here and there, in hopes that any TBMs lurking here will get pissed off by the fact that they can't deny that they are the butt of a true joke and plenty of people here, who have been to and through the same sacred places that they have been and are perfectly comfortable exposing the big fraud and making fun of the TBM mindset. I want them to have to confront the kind of "cutting" humor that is irreverent towards tyranny and sheds light on the narrow-mindedness that the Morg tries to impose on people. In doing this, I know that sometimes I get kind of carried away in the "goofing off" type posts, so hopefully I don't get myself into any trouble with the RfM board admins or get too crude or vulgar and upset others here who are not lurking TBMs.
Recovery is a journey-inward, journey-outward experience.
I was active in the exmormon world for some years and became more angry. I had to step away from it in order to heal. It felt like I was irritating an open wound by reading RfM.
Some years later, I jumped back on to see what was going on, who was here, and I stayed. Only this time the dynamic was completely different. I enjoyed the humor, got all the in-jokes and felt like the people here understood something that practically no one who hasn't been through Mormonism "gets."
You live with the consequences of raising children Mormon for the rest of your life as you see them struggling with critical thinking, or trying to find a form of spirituality that feels right, or looking for greater meaning after having been traumatized by forced prayer as children, etc.
It helps me to feel that some good is coming out of my mistakes when I can give advice to parents facing divorce, or someone dealing with a cruel, dismissive family member. The solutions that worked for me might work for them. Even if they don't, guiding people toward loving kindness strengthens my own compassion and gives me a way to give back.
I've been out of the church for thirty plus years now and between 2006 and now I went from a life of despair to being happier than I ever dreamed possible.
Most people here know by know bits and pieces of my story--three marriages, nine children, some for whom I am a guru and some to whom I am Satan. I have seen it all and my claim to fame is that I am quite sure I can tell you what NOT to do because that's probably what I did. (haha!)
I hope you stay with us as you grow, Lost Mystic, or at least return and report. Your epiphanies are a great encouragement and your story of self-discovery is one you should share with the world and save/print for your children to read when they grow up. Because, believe me, they will ask you. I always thought I'd be the Mormon pioneer, a heroine who accepted the gospel and instead I ended up the heroine who saved them from the cult.
(Never mind that I put them there in the first place!).
I'm still mostly a lurker, but I have a soft heart, so usually what moves me to post is someone hurting. Just want to "cyberhug" the ExMo world, ya know?
When I realized TSCC was a fraud, I just wanted to die!! Now I just want to comfort and sustain others who realize and are hurting, too.
The BoA fraud was my trigger. It was the major destroyer of my faith in the Morg, but OH am I grateful to know the truth!!
Being a very young poster (18), there's very little I have to offer in terms of advice to others who have been involved with TSCC for most of their lives. I never went on a mission, nor did I go through the strange temple ceremonies to receive endowments, etc. I haven't committed nearly as much of my life to Mormonism as the majority of posters have. Although, the heartache of losing one's religion, culture, family, and friends is something that we all share. I feel like a lot of threads on the board are nothing more than preaching to the choir. I don't have a problem with those threads, but I don't typically gravitate towards them.
The threads I enjoy reading the most are one where the poster is struggling with adapting to life without Mormonism. I'd say those threads are one of the largest contributors to my staying a pseudo lurker on the board. Without them I probably wouldn't visit the board anymore. I especially enjoy reading your threads, Lost Mystic. You echo a lot of the things I've felt and currently feel with regards to adapting to or creating a new identity. I hope you continue to post about your journey.
I lurked for about a year until I saw a post that seemed to mirror some of the stuff I’d gone through earlier. Then I kinda felt like it was my duty to potentially help out somebody who might be taking the same path.