I could type away for a loooooooong time, so I'll keep it short and simple.
I would say that the biggest amount of casualties come from the relationship department. I've lost quite a few relationships since I exited, such as most of my mission companions, supposed friends, and some family members.
The aspirations that I held while growing up, some may know it as the American Dream (stay at home wife, two story home surrounded by a white picket fence, 2.5 children, and a white collar job), were another set of casualties.
My pink colored glasses (naïveté) were a big casualty, come to think of it, I can't complain about that one. :-D
I do somewhat miss the sense of immortality that I once held, I did like the idea of having all the time in the world to take my time. I no longer have that luxury.
But I really can't complain, the majority of necessary wars have their casualties (India's liberation from British rule due to Ghandi's leadership and civil disobedience is a big exception). In the end, it was all for the better. I've acquire and made a lot of gains.
Yes, a returned Mormon missionary--who was a friend to me before his mission and is no longer--actually said that to me when he got back.
I lost a social life when I left, and some close family relationships. Still trying to find a new social life. Anyone else in Utah County mind hanging out with an older, single, exmormon? (Why does that word, "exmormon" make me feel like I'm saying the word "excon" around here in Utah?)
I couldn't lose what I never had. Family members that are so broken they can't hold together anything but sick relationships. I think they would have been that way with or without moism. They use the church for leverage to maintain their craziness. I got rid of the RM spouse 40 years ago. His replacement is still with me. We left the church together. All the rest of it has been what I gained.
I think a major factor that made it so easy for me is that I don't (never have) live in Utah. I've visited there. It seems like a state full of toxic people. IMO, if you're an exmo, you should leave Utah if at all possible. It's like trying to recover from a broken arm, but everywhere you go someone is trying to twist it and re-break it. Unnecessary torture.
You would be rather amazed how many mormons shun you--even if you are still a believer--when your husband leaves. A friend I had from high school--I have never heard from her again in 16 years since I told her my husband left. She had called to see if I wanted to meet to have lunch with our old favorite seminary teacher (we were his favorites)--never heard from either of them again.
My longest roommate--I had been there for her for years as she didn't marry until age 42 and it was very difficult. Her parents were only concerned about my ex being excommunicated and not about the kids and I. The bishop who was my working buddy and friend--who told me my ex would never leave me--I barely hear from him now.
Somehow I failed before I even left the church--so it didn't really matter once I left the church. I've been out so long now, my mormon neighbors (most) don't remember when I was active so they treat me normal--get that one. I still have my 2 mormon friends--had them for 25 and 30 years.
I lost it all when my husband left. It took me YEARS to get back what I have so far. The church was no big loss. At that point, it was only logical. I could finally let go of failing at saving my husband--although I feel we both saved each other just not the way the lds church told us we should.
But then again, giving up the party lifestyle caused my so-called friends to vanish. Quitting my old job caused supposed friends to vanish, so it is little wonder that mormon mandated friendships would also disappear. Oh wait-did I say "friendships"? I meant to say "associates". My real friends with whom we have stuck together through thick and thin have never been mormons.
I belonged to a couple of women's professional groups in the dark days when the church exed Sonia Johnson and went forth full force against the ERA. I had a circle of good friends who supported me fully and even showed up at the ward one Sunday morning when I was scheduled to give a rebuttal to the SS teacher's anti-Sonia rant. (The stake president put the kabosh on that and reamed out the teacher for bringing it up. Hell, the teacher had devoted a whole lesson to it.)
I hadn't been close to many members of my family for a long time and most of my in-laws were nuts and I'd pretty much cut them out of my life by then. The only close friends I had in the church--true friends--reconnected with me later.
About ten months after we left the church my husband was transferred to another city 500 miles away. For me it is always hard to pull up roots and relocate in a new place, but in this case it was easier.
My DH's mother and sister wanted to have a funeral for him when they found out. We had little to do with them for a long time, but when we turned out to be successful in our new location, it wasn't long before they came around with their hands out. We are not a bank--we long ago learned not to lend money to family members.
We also found out who the sleaze-bag hypocritical TBMs were--the ones who would come visit us, and if we had wine, they would order it. One married guy even brought his "girlfriend" to dinner with us. No big loss to cut ties with these people.
In the long run I am much closer to my siblings and the Jack-mo members of my own family.
I miss sharing the same faith as my husband and daughter I miss a little of the fellowship I had with them I miss that they didn't used to get on my nerves but now the little phrases and "wisdom" does bug me but I am working to let that go.
My TBM wife found out that Joseph's Myth screwed other men's wives behind his wife's back and she took that as permission to screw other women's husbands behind my back.
Apparently she has 'control issues' and doesn't like being controlled by religion or any other patriarchal institutions, like marriage or her husband.
Now she's 46, got fake tits, is on birth control, works out like a fiend and is into young guys (like our kids ages) with porn star dicks.
I told her to start charging money, maybe she can make some $$$ off of it since she's turned into a whore.
She only stopped after getting caught the 5th time and getting HPV. Where do you draw the line?
It was hard on my dad for a few years, but my family made it out intact. I left 1st and my mom, and 3 brothers followed suit. My dad eventually figured it was all nonsense about 8 years after I first left. It helped a lot that we live in California, where most people think mormons are weird.
In the end I never lost any of my good friends, or family.
Hearing all this stuff--definitely makes me think the LDS church is not Jesus's church. The amount of pain people are cataloging here is ridiculous.
As a Nevermo I would have been shocked to hear all this and definitely would have seen it all as typical of the damage caused by destructive cults. As someone who doesn't go to church anymore, I'm sickened by the LDS church and all of its defenders.