For me, the original reason I left was the conclusion I came to was that the church was a cult. And cults are conditional and victimize. You are expected to submit to whatever they want from you in a one size fits all, 1950's organization.

Yes, some left over doctrinal issues, and some for historical issues, but underneath all that was the victimization. Some were, and enjoyed, being victimizers. They liked the ego gratification that comes with the performance based cult. The control, the admiration, the feelings of superiority. These have a tendancy to not accept you for who you are and your flaws. For some, flaws can be cute, but for cult victimizers, flaws are judged and affection is withheld and you are only worth what you do for mormonism.

So the underlying theme of victimization is tolerated by some, but it wears many down. Jesus said My yoke is light, but TSM's and recent "profits" message is "lengthen your stride" "every member a missionary" "raise the bar", clean those friggin toilets, how dare you wear flipflops to church, continue to oppress gays.

You eventually see that the cult only cares about the cult, and you are a cult honey bee, giving your time, money, and dedication to the cult, even over your own spouse and family. Interviews for many are shame inducing. There are negative "mormon" consequenses or punishments for not conforming. You also witness a lack of free thought, and repeditive answers of read the BofM, pray, attend church, go on a mission. It comes to a point that doing anything of personal interest, not mormon related, is percieved as selfish. Mormons mood alter as they do "mormon stuff" They also like to let others know when they attend the temple, the ultimate in mormon performance. If you have a TR, you are showing others that you are "worthy" and they are unworthy.

Not getting 100% HTing is failing, paying 80% tithing is NOT being a full tithe payer and may result in the bishop taking your TR away, even if that 80% is many thousands of dollars. You are promised all these blessings if you do mormon stuff, but realize that you married irresponsibly, had more children than you could afford or maybe deal with. The expected single income just doesn't work, your kids never see you as you put the church first.

There seems to be never ending expectations on you. You feel used, violated, fearful, and guilty. The worst being when loved ones put the affection for the church ahead of you, and may dump you, or divorce you, for mormon cultism. Your feelings of self worth are tied to your performance of mormon cultism. Even if you feel fine with your level of performance, others you have a relationship with probably feel disappointed with YOUR level of performance and will have conditional affection for you, possibly leading to being looked down on, called to repentance, shunned, being disowned, or divorced. You are expected to do everything that is asked of you, without saying no, and are even expected to get the blessings they promise. No blessings?($$$) then you aren't doing something good enough.

3 hours of church, callings, trying to keep kids quiet during sac. mtg. cleaning church buildings, paying tithing, going on a mission (and paying for it yourself). And all the harping on you to do this and that and somemore. They can ask you whatever they want, there are no boundaries. They control your personal life. You are supposed to answer all their questions honestly, because they CLAIM inspiration and can tell if you are lieing.

Eventually many wake up and say, I don't have to answer that, you can't ask my child that, I can't accept that calling, I won't give a talk on that topic, I just can't afford to pay what you want, and damn it, I will go golfing instead of another stupid ward temple trip for dead people (they are dead today, and will be dead next month). You are now in open rebellion with the church for saying no, having an opinion that differs, voicing that opinion, not following the lesson manual, and horror of horrors, playing a prelude song at church that is not in the hymn book.

But for many it seems too late. "Mormon" decisions have been made, and the consequenses follow. You may have married hastily, only to someone you could take to the temple (also cult addicted and maybe even more so)

So you rush home from church to have a nap.

For me, and for many, the church is a huge burden. Oh sure, you can mormon mood alter, but for my personal experience, having a relationship with mormon mood alterers, lacks love or affection, as they continually only talk about mormonism, and do mormon things, and "unfriend" you if your calling with them changes, your hting assignment with them changes, if you change your ward, or if you aren't as cultic as they are. Instant but shallow.

Even the thought of sitting on a hard pew for 3 hours makes me shudder.