I'm a never-mo, but a recovering fundie of another stripe.
I've always been fascinated by tithing settlements. When my husband and I were believers in our church, we'd always give cash because we didn't even like our church having an idea of how much we gave. They totalled what you gave for the year for your taxes. I hated that.

The idea of having to sit down with a church official and fess-up seems horrible.

Please. . . tell me all the gory details.

:D

I never went to a tithing settlement because I didn't think my income was any of the church's business. Someone gave me a form stating how much I gave for taxes, but I never met with anyone. The main reason for tithing settlements is to make certain people pay their 10% for their temple recommend.

A typical tithing settlement for us went like this:

Prior to tithing settlement, you got a list of your donations for the year from the ward clerk. Or, rather, they would give it to your husband. I requested several years that they give it to me because my husband has ADD and usually lost it. I do all the financial stuff and needed a head's up about how much we may or may not owe at the end of the year. But they always ignored me and gave it to DH instead.

Then, you sign up for a time on sign up sheets posted outside the Bishop's door. That way, everyone in the ward can see who signed up to faithfully meet with the bishop about being full-tithe payers. At your assigned time, you and your spouse showed up with all the kiddies and sat down in the bishop's office. He handed you papers with your name on them (DH and I had one together - the kids each had their own) with how much you'd paid in tithing that year and any other donations listed, like Fast Offering. Then the bishop would ask you if you had paid a full-tithe for this year. He would remind you that telling him was like telling the Lord and caution you not to lie to the Lord. Even the kids had to be certain they paid a full 10 percent on their gross income. The one year we had a tithing settlement with Bishop Jackwagon before we went inactive, BJ told a story about how his kids always paid a full tithe - and that included money they got as gifts from people. He said that his father had given each of the grandchildren $100 for their birthdays that year and BJ had made sure the kids knew that $10 of that went right into their tithing envelopes.

After you assure the bishop you've paid a full tithe (or you've written a check for the calculated difference between what the church says you've paid and what you know to be your gross income) the bishop then says some suck-up BS about how good and faithful you are and, if you are lucky, offers you a piece of candy from his candy dish as you are leaving. That's probably just to signal it's time to get out of his office so the next group can come in. The interviews are only about 10-15 minutes so you have to keep things moving.

A few notes: first of all, it's awful that they do this at Christmas-time because you are usually tight for money in December as it is with the holidays and I know people who have skimped on Christmas for their kids to make sure they've paid a full tithing. Second, even my very TBM mother thought Bishop Jackwagon was, in fact a jackwagon for suggesting the kids paid tithing on the birthday and Christmas money she sent them. She pointed out that if she had sent my daughter a doll, instead of cash, the church wouldn't expect my daughter to rip an arm off the doll and give it to them. Third, twice we were short of money at the end of the year and wrote checks on our credit card to make sure we had our accounts straight with the Lord. It makes me sick to think of how many months it took to pay that off and how much interest it took. Especially when now I can guess where that money went. Fourth, more than once the amount the church said I paid and the amount I was sure I paid was different - sometimes by several hundred dollars. That only happened in the one ward we were in the longest but I totally suspected foul play. The only problem was, I always lost several of the tithing slips and wasn't about to go back and search thousands of checks one by one. So I just trusted the church was right I had underpaid and paid up. Finally, you do feel a sort of satisfaction (or was it self-righteousness) knowing you were all paid up with the Lord. But I realized what a worthless feeling that was the very first time I donated money to World Vision to buy a family in Africa a goat. Knowing I had given a much, much smaller donations to someone who it would really help made me far happier than all the thousands paid in tithing. Now we give some of that money formerly allotted for tithing to various groups and see actual good done with it and it's so much better than paying tithing.

My wife and I took our three children TS. Bishop saw that we paid several hundred dollars in fast offerings. Rather than say that he thought it was too little, he looked at my kids and asked them to make sure that I gave them a lesson on paying a generous fast offering.

I am tired of the manipulation.

What an asshole! I just don't understand why an adult would ask children to pay up.

We NEVER took our kids in with us.
We Never paid on gross.
We Never paid fast offering.
We ONly paid once at the end of the year.

Nobody ever said a word to us about it. Maybe they sensed they were lucky to get what they did. Our kids weren't privy to our finances. We always told the fast offering kids we gave one time at the end of the year, they quit showing up. We had an account we put our tithing $$ into. We took it out at the end of the year. Nobody ever questioned us about it. Good move on their part.

Now they get 0$$

Tithing settlement is only for tax reporting purposes. You can Itemize it on the 1040 form.

Now is it a true declaration of full, non,part? No, many instances where families bs to get into temple. I know. I was a clerk and new alot of the bs.

One year, I told the truth, and said I was a partial tithe-payer. Not only did the Bishop demand my temple recommend on the spot, he wanted my wife's recommend, too. For Rennaise and the other nevermos here, a temple recommend is the ID card that allows one to enter the LDS Temples. No recommend=no admittance. DW had already declared herself a full-tithepayer just 2 minutes earlier. She is a SAHM, and had a meager income from Mary Kay that year. I said something right away in protest, but the bishop explained to me that tithing is one of those things where we are in it together. If i haven't paid a full tithing, then its like DW hasn't paid a full tithing either. My marriage was on extremely thin ice at the time. I caved in and wrote another check before the end of the year. Over the next two years, the main reason I paid tithing was so that DW could keep her recommend. Then in January of 2010, I came out and told my wife no more. We had 12 months to figure out what to say to the bishop at tithing settlement. As luck would have it, the bishop was released midway through the year, and a friend of mine became the new bishop. My wife is now allowed to remain temple worthy in spite of the fact that I have given zero dollars to the church in the last two years. Some bishops are a-holes, others, like my friend, are more reasonable.

I was told when I was in tithing settlement that my current offerings were not enough and I needed to double my pay to double my blessings... I felt it odd then, but went away with it anyway. I figured if it was going to the needy (I was also struggling financially), then it would be at least used for good. Oh was I wrong. We ended up losing our home and moving in with my in-laws. The bishop had the nerve to tell me it was my fault for losing my home. I lived in a 2 bedroom condo, well within my means when the economy was good, and he thinks it was my fault for losing it?!?! THE NERVE!