When I was a TBM, I often felt like I got the shaft by being born into the only true church. I thought of all the countless billions of people who got to live normal, happy lives free from guilt and shame for doing all the things I wanted to be doing. I was told over and over in church what a blessing it was to be born into the church, how elect and valiant I must have been in the premortal existence to be given this opportunity. I never once felt like it was a blessing, but felt at all times that the responsibility was a curse. Others of God's children could be free to reject the gospel and still possibly inherit eternal life, but not me. How unfair is that? Why couldn't I have been born a non-member, live a happy life, then accept the Gosepel in the spirit world to get my get out of hell free card?

Even when I thought it was all true, I despised it...with every fiber of my being

ALL MISSIONARY WORK should be stopped immediately so that MORE of Gods children would be able to get into the Kingdom of Heaven after they die. I mean if you teach these people, and they don't accept it, you are condemning them. The most loving thing the Church could do if the gospel was true, would be to SHUT THE HELL UP, and just doing temple work, converting everyone after they had died and allowing them to go immediately to the Celestial Kingdom. I seriously thought this as a TBM, which might explain why I think missionary work is a complete waste of time.

I had the same thought, but not as clearly as you've articulated it. Thank you.

OK, I was talking local politics with a TBM Sister and we had a gospel disagreement over the sale of alcoholic beverages. She offered that it was a righteous thing to legally prohibit the sale of alcoholic beverages and thus use the coercive power of the state to facilitate righteousness. My reply was that mandated righteousness was Satanic and that the doctrine of free agency mandated the liberty to engage of the sale of all manner of contraband. Furthermore, were one to really favor election made sure one should kill all children before the age of accountability. She didn't have much to say to me after that.

If you truly LOVED your children and wanted to make sure they made it to the Celestial Kingdom, you would need to kill them before the age of 8. Of course you yourself wouldn't be there with them because you killed them, but maybe God would make an exception because you had brought more of his people to Christ...

and that's when it started occurring to me that religion when you actually thought about it and took things to their extreme conclusions was just dumb.

This is one of things that helped me just weeks ago be willing to open my eyes and look at the facts. I was so peeved that I try to live a celestial life and miss out on all the stuff I want to do, which if I were to do would disqualify me. And then some schmuck on his deathbed can have an honest change of heart and be saved, or even not change but rather hear it in the next life and be better off than me. Total shaft! Not that I've changed because I want to "sin", but it just didn't seem fair. "I'm never good enough" was the message I received from the church, but if you're lucky enough to avoid the missionaries, you get a "get out of hell free" card.

For me it was a real relief to discover it was all a lie. It meant I could live my life as an authentic person according to what I felt was right and not feel constantly guilty over not meeting their standards.

One of the biggest moments of relief for me was when I realized that my private thoughts were my own. I do not, and never did, have an internal monitor recording my every thought for the purpose of my eternal condemnation. What a moment of joy and serenity to experience true solitude and privacy for the first time!

This is gonna sound weird to you, but I always wondered what I failed to do in the preexistence that caused me to be born in a nonmormon family!

Wow. I never thought of that, as a BIC. What a burden to carry! That's awful.

There are free burdens for all to have! Come one come all and pick your burden.

Just like the story of the prodigal son (the Morg version at least) always bothered me. If the prodigal son ended up with the same eternal rewards after repenting as the son who remained faithful, why the @&$# should I not enjoy coffee, alcohol, and other normal "sinful" things and then just repent later?

It always upset me. Now I realize that both ideas are just emotional manipulation.

"I'm the GOOD guy...I'm the GOOD guy..."

I am actually glad to hear you felt that way and hope my 16 mo. old "born in the church" grandson never likes it either. To even think he is being taught how "Valiant he must have been to be born in the church" is nauseating. Hard to type that. And it sickens me my daughter who was not brought up to be arrogant has joined a church that teaches arrogance.