Why do Mormons always bless the refreshments after firesides or other functions? I did not know that Punch and Twinkies could be given “divine” attributes to “strengthen our bodies and do us the good we need”.

The most ridiculous and funniest prayer I ever witnessed was at a fireside where someone gave a closing prayer and blessed the refreshments to “strengthen our bodies”. Little did they know what my friends and I prepared for refreshments for that fireside.

Every week my 2 friends and I were always asked to bring cookies or donuts with drinks to the weekly firesides as no one else would pony up any goodies. As teenagers, the price of all these treats took a toll on our meager budgets so we decided to put an end to these relentless requests to supply refreshments once and for all.

In preparation for that night’s fireside, we bought that afternoon a box of medium sized Milk Bone Dog treats, a can of Hershey chocolate syrup, two bottles of Tonic water, and two bottles of Ginger Ale. While drinking the real Ginger Ale, we dipped 2 dozen or so Milk Bones into the Hershey chocolate sauce and placed them on a cookie sheet in the freezer to give a hard chocolate coating to the dog biscuits. After creating our chocolate “cookies”, we dyed the tonic water yellow and poured it back into the now empty Ginger Ale bottles and resealed the tops. Our “refreshments” were now ready for that evenings fireside.

The fireside was your typical Mormon youth fireside but as the fireside came to a close, we knew that whoever was asked to give the closing prayer would bless the refreshments. Like clockwork, the “refreshments” were blessed with the worn out traditional phrase “…to strengthen our bodies and do us the good we need…”

I have never had to stifle a laugh so hard in my life. I thought my teeth would shatter from the pressure especially as I opened my eyes and met my two friend’s eyes and seeing them go through the same torture of burying a laugh as I was going through.

At long last, the prayer was over and we stood up and walk over to the kitchen. I grabbed the treats and my friends grabbed the altered “Ginger Ale” and we spread them out for all to enjoy. I could not take it anymore so I stuck my head into a broom closet to try and compose myself without anyone asking why I had such a smirk on my face.

The three of us watched from a short distance as people begin to bite down on our special “cookies” and I remember one of the boys biting down producing a loud crack as the Milk Bone biscuit snapped in his mouth. With a loud voice, and with the Bishop standing behind him, he said “What the fuck are these?” The facial expression on the Bishop was priceless.

That remark was the last straw for my two friends and I. We could not hold in or stifle the laughing anymore so we snuck out the back door to the car. Once in the car, we broke out in such laughter I thought we would all pass out from being unable to breathe. We laughed so hard and so long that we almost got into a car wreck on the way home.

We did learn that all our special “cookies” were eaten. This was a good thing as they were blessed. In fact, we did notice later on in the week that those who partook of the goodies, that their hair looked a bit more shiny than before and that their teeth were free from tarter.

We never had to supply refreshments again.

Anyone have other inspired prayers to share with the rest of us?

"Our beloved Father in Heaven,
We thank thee for these twinkies, snickers, and soda pop we are about to partake in and ask thee to bless it that it will give us the needed sugar high in order to drive safely, but not too keyed up causing us to commit all kinds of road rage home... We ask that it will not go to our thighs and cause us weight gain, but at the same time it will not cause diarrhea or vomiting, but will go through us and come out the other side in solid stools..."