Since church is so wonderful then atheists deserve to have a church too. So I have decided to set up my very own church. Of course I will be the President, Prophet, and Pastor. Sacrament will be beer or wine, depending on what is currently in the fridge.

The name of my church is "The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster of Former-Day Atheists (CotFSMoFDA)." (Note: we are NOT in the Latter Days!)

The benefits of my church are: NO god, NO praying, NO boring meetings, NO worrying about heaven or hell, NO tithing, NO fast offerings, NO Word of Wisdom, NO Ten Commandments, NO visiting teaching, NO scriptures, NO temples, NO missionary service, NO cleaning the ward house. Masturbation is allowed, even encouraged, as per your needs and desires. The goal of CotFSMoFDA is lots of quiet meditation and tranquility, optionally with a cat or dog curled up on your lap.

Anybody can become a member by simply declaring that they ARE a member and that they believe and will follow the above church rules. You can meditate as often and for as long as you wish.

Anybody want to join? The CotFSMoFDA is now open and accepting new members. If you join, then you are automatically the Branch President over your branch of the CotFSMoFDA. And you can resign your membership any time you wish, with no waiting period or threats to your eternal salvation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2012 12:31AM by saviorself.

Well, it's no crazier than signing up to be a mormon.

Sounds great! I don't have an animal but I do masturbate so...can I be the librarian?

but I am not quite sure what books should go into the library. You will have to decide that.

You need a meeting hall. The ancient Greeks used to celebrate the beauty of their gods creation by having naked dancing girls at the entrance of their temple. (Actually, I might be making that up, but it sounds good) You should do that.

If I join, then I'll still have to clean the branch building, because I live alone. Is there any way out of this cleaning business? Oh! what the hell, I'll join anyway.

Yeah add me to the church roster.

Send me a hot visiting teacher with a boa snake for a pet.

I thought that Pastafarians were supposed to go out as missionaries wearing full pirate regalia? If there's no missionaries, when do we get to wear our pirate gear???

but if you choose to do that with no outside pressure, then you are free to put on your pirate's outfit and have at it.

BE CAREFUL about door-to-door solicitation/tracting. Somebody might erroneously decided that you are a dangerous weirdo and call the cops.

Wait a minute, you never said what it takes to get OUT of your church...

Love bombings? Guilt laden interviews? Years of feeling sorry for us that we are off the path?

Resolve my concerns and I'm in.

so here is how you get out:

Imbibe a couple of portions of sacrament (beer or wine), or more if desired/required.

Wait a half hour until you are feeling mellow and a bit tipsy.

Raise your right arm to the square, and I say "Now that I am FEELING THE SPIRITS, I realize that I am tired of being a member of the CotFSMoFDA, so I hereby resign my membership effective this instant."

Voilà que (lo and behold), you are no longer a member!

I'm in.

Now that you are my spiritual leader I'm having this deep urge to send you money...

I would just get carried away and start looking for a place to build a big [expletive] mall.

Now that I'm a member I have a deep urge to subordinate myself to you.....please take my wife.....it's the least I could do for the church.

I seem to recall a Prophet from the 1830's who got himself into a lot of trouble when he started messing around with other men's wives. So thanks anyway, but I don't want to go there. You keep her!

Can I be a general authority and give boring speeches? Please! I know I can do it! You got to have general authorities.

If it includes beer, I'm in!

Aw shucks! I just got my priesthood at the Church of the Giant Robot Chicken of Doom! can we get online priesthoods through your website? I've got a wedding to officiate soon.

I especially like the dog part. In fact is it alright if I worship my dogs?

Any seer stones involved in the formation?

I've already filed for permission to build a temple ;-)

I would like to see your articles of faith on sacrafice before I join.

I'm so well suited for it.

declares your church to be an abomination. A virtual w&horehouse and absolutely hated and spit upon by nogod.

I hereby petition our Lord and Savior, Raptor Jesus, to convene a Court of Hate and review the allegations and your shameful doctrines or lack of doctrines...

In his holy name, even Jesus Raptor,


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