Sasha turned 18 yesterday. She ran from the group home before dawn. She's a chronic runner (all the way back to the years she lived with us). This time no one is going to look for her - no police, no caseworkers, no school, no family. She's of legal age. This is a recent picture of her with me the day after she was hit by a truck while running (off her meds, not paying attention):

http://i54.tinypic.com/28b4788.jpg

That was the day I reunited with Sasha this summer. We gave her up to the "system" when she was 15 because she was a danger to herself, the small children in our home, and me. We kept her 8 years, until she finally attacked me and left severe bruising.

Our family took her to Disney World for the weekend a few weeks ago. Her biological sister, Marina (black shirt - age 20) is standing just in back of Sasha (in blue shirt) in this pic:

http://i51.tinypic.com/3531q2u.jpg

Just to bring this post on topic . . . take a good look at those Russian sisters. There were miracles with their adoptions. Miracles I still can't explain. I used to believe my girls would return to their homeland one day and help convert the entire former Soviet Union to the Gospel. <sigh>

After the Disney vacation, We started making plans with the caseworker for Sasha to join our family holiday gatherings this year. My mom spent an early birthday with her and bought her clothes, took her to lunch, and gave her money.

But Sasha rejected us (again). Just like she rejected the two American adoptive families before us. I'm too upset to tell my story again, but this article will give you an idea of what we lived with for years:

http://www.post-gazette.com/headlines/20000814russiadaytwo1.asp

Sasha is on the run and, legally, no one can stop her now.

She has Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder with Psychosis, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Traumatic Brain Injury, and an IQ of 79.

She's off her meds. She's a high school drop-out. She has a borderline IQ and a horrific history of sexual abuse which has translated to sexual acting-out behaviors. She will pick up any random guy who offers her food, money or a place to stay for the night.

One of these days, the wrong guy is gonna pick her up. He'll kill her and dump her body on the side of the road. And I'll never know.

I used to believe Heavenly Father was big enough and strong enough to "fix" Sasha. I don't believe that anymore.

Sasha usually texts me from some random phone when she is on the road. I'll probably never see her again, but it would be a comfort just to know she is still alive.

So, take a good look at her picture, just in case she heads out West on I-10 this time . . . and if you see her, tell her to text her mom.

Shannon

I'm so sorry to be coming up short.

My best thoughts to you.

Love, Cheryl

Letting go of someone you love is excruciating. You gave everthing you had and more. I'm so sorry.

If she get's arrested, her chances of survival will be much better. They would do a mental health evaluation in jail, then county mental health would take over. So let's hope she breaks the law somewhere along the way and gets caught.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2010 10:45AM by winecountrygirl.

That has got to be one of the most heartbreaking situations ever --when you've done everything you can to love help and support someone who has such severe problems, and won't or can'tstay on meds, either.

In situations like this, I kind of wish and hope for a miracle, for her to be kept safe, but that is the stuff of Mormonism (naive fantasies).

I hope you can be proud of all the good parenting you did and the way you've done your utmost to help this poor girl. I am thinking of you and her...

Oh Shannon! I'm so sorry. My reply comes from y Christian thoughts, which I hope won't offend you! Someone once said "people may resist "us", but they can't resist our prayers for them." I'm thinking about the story of the "Prodigal Son". Sometimes, having done all that is humanly possible we just have to stand back and let things run it's course, letting a loved one 'wallow with the pigs', so they see the difference and being so low, that all one can do, is to look up.

Shannon, you and your did such a wonderful and honorable thing, (giving of yourself), take a deep breath and know, you've done all you could. I will pray for her protection, your peace, and who knows? Things may just work out for everyone concerned. Love, prayers, peace, hugs and warm wishes your way! :-)

I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I live in a town where a lot of truckers come through- did you mean the I-10 through AZ?
A blonde girl will stand out around here.

Yes.

I'm so sorry. I've said it before and I'll say it again: You have done everything a person could do. You have given so much. The tough decisions you have made were made out of love and concern. Even if you don't feel very resilient, you are, and you have proven it over and over again. You're a good mom and you've been a good mom under extraordinary circumstances.

I can only hope that somehow Sasha will find her way home to those that know her needs and love her best.

*Hugs* to you lady.

I've followed your story over the years. I'm so sorry for what you and your family continue to go through. You're in my thoughts.

Watch for an email from me :)

TG

Oh Shannon I wish this pain was not yours.

I wish there was some magical thing that would help your heart and help Sasha. But we gave up magical thinking when we left Mormonism so I send warm thoughts to you and yours.

I travel on I-10 in the Panhandle part of Florida and I'll keep my eyes open for her and should I see her I will ask her to text you.


((((HUGS))))

Honestly, I have no idea how you and your family survived. Yes, Sasha had a background of awful trauma, for which you (and we) rightly sympathize. Nevertheless, when she joined your household, she was far too unhealed to be adopted out to a family yet. When I read (back then) what she did to the family cat when she didn't get her way, I could not understand how any family could feel safe living with her.

You are a woman with a great big heart, Shannon! No one could have offered Sasha a better chance than you to feel loved. Sadly, however, it seems that even the doctors did not know how to help a child with that many types of trauma and conditions.

Kind, warm, and loving wishes for you, Sasha, and your family. Let us know if/when you hear from Sasha!

And on a lighter note: Yes, that is my bio daughter's head photo-shopped into the Disney pic. She is my "tech support" and she dropped the pictures into my post for me. She didn't go on vacation with us that weekend because she was in NY for a writer's festival.

But, she wanted her face in with the rest of the family! <snicker>.

;o)

I hope you hear from her soon.

I too just don't have the words to give you the comfort you need. I agree that she may just drift away - never to be heard of again. But you can be filled with pride over all you did to try to help. I remember your story. Why does God allow this? We don't know but any church that tells you that for it all to work out you must pray harder, serve more or give more-well they are a cult for sure.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2010 12:13PM by honestone.

I didn't know how bad it could be to love a such a damaged child. You communicated it so well and it has been heart breaking to hear. Now this. <<hugs>>

I remember reading your story with Sasha many moons ago. This just makes me so incredibly sad for you and for her life ahead. My heart goes out to you.

toto

Hopefully she can find some kind of life that makes her happy. I don't know if that is possible, but I hope that you can find some peace in letting her go.

I wish I knew what to say. I don't expect to see her in our neck of the woods but I've looked at both the pictures very carefully and will keep my eyes open and keep her and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

One phrase that helps in situations such as this is, "Own what's yours to own, and nothing more." You sound like you are already there; knowing that you did what you could do, and what happens now isn't yours to own.

Still, it's hard to care and be helpless for sure. For that, I'm very sorry.

I'm not familiar with your story, but I did read the link and I have some knowledge of the disorders you mention. The amount of your own energy spent on this child must be more than I spent on raising both of my children to adulthood. For that you are a saint. I had easy children, but at this point I wouldn't be willing to muster up the energy it takes to raise another easy child.

I don't know where you got your motivation from, but you've got a lot of something in you. I'm very sorry that even after all that you did, the prognosis isn't pretty.

Sasha is a survivor. With kids like her I've sometimes seen them get out, get into trouble, and then without family to fight against, they realize *they* have to make decisions to care for themselves, and they do.

You've given her an infinitely better chance than she would have had in Russia, and you've done it at great cost. I know you can't help but worry, but I hope you can find some rest and peace, too, Shannon. You deserve it.

I'm so sorry for what you and your family have gone through. If it's any comfort at least you tried your very best over the years for that girl. Maybe someday she'll grow up and realize how much you truly loved her.

Shannon, I followed your story through these last couple of years and it is heartbreaking. Hopefully, there may still be a happy ending to all of this. Just please listen to all in here who've said you did everything out of love and it was your best.

On another note, isn't there someway you can still be her legal guardian b/c of her mental state where her bio age won't be a factor and therefore compel the state to keep her with you?

Never say never. She is likely to pop in and out of your life, but I understand the concern that you may never hear from her again, given her condition.

Wouldn't it be nice if she could recognize a certain circle of "safe" people for her to contact regularly - you, a doctor, a therapist, another friend or relative who is knowledgeable and helpful.. but it may be beyond her mental capacity ?

I am sorry. I have no solutions for you but I do have understanding...

My bio son has been missing since April 9 of this year. He suffers from PTSD as well as some other mental issues. I have been through every emotion you can think of since then. He is 30 so like Sasha, he is of age. With that said, people go missing all the time that are over 18 and they seem to gather search parties etc to find them so maybe you can do something? Can you get your local community to assist?

HUGS!!!!!

My DW and I have followed your story for years. We are saddened that it has gone to this point. Not sure words can help but stay strong and don't beat yourself over it. We as parents are often our worst critics (spoken from the mouth of a father who survived rainsing 4 teenagers).

~Adam

I'm so sorry, Shannon. (and I'm sorry rgg that you are also missing a child)

Shannon, No matter what the outcome has been, even wherever she is now, has got to better than what you rescued her from. I cannot imagine the pain you are in.

What goes on in those Russian orphanages is absolutely criminal.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

I remember the story, it was horrible.

I guess you were let go years ago, but the birthday makes it official.

Wish I had comforting words, but with three daughters of my own, I know what unconditional love feels like.

I'll be thinking of you.

Can't put into words anything sufficient that would give you comfort. Hugs and love is all I can send your way.
I hope for the best for Sasha as her story breaks my heart over and over, so I can imagine your heart.
I hope you know you did all that was possible and a lot of the impossible. There are things in this life that are beyond us, and we just have to take it one day at a time. I hope you hear from her from time to time as the wondering must be so painful.
Thinking of you and so glad I live in a world where there are people like yourself.

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you and for the person your daughter is and could have been. Relationship with God brings no answers--only comfort in how to deal with it.

So, where do you go from here? Whatever you do, whatever you choose, let us know. Know and understand that the people here care and want to know, because they are either praying or thinking good thoughts for you and your lost child.

If the RfM board never does anything else--what about a foundation for children like your daughter? Children for whom we could do nothing but love? People who post, what do you think? Can you accept the challenge? This is not a new story--if you have been here any length of time, you know this has been an ongoing situation.