So what I learned from Jessica Beagley's Blog.

She has a Downs Syndrome baby. She already has 3 daughters. (Downs Syndrome baby gets nearly daily therapy).

At almost the same time she decides to adopt 5 year old twin boys from Russia, because, according to the Dr. Phil website, when she saw the photo of one of them she knows it her child (in Mormon speak they met in the pre-existence.) Kristoff, the twin boy with the "behavior" problem, didn't catch her fancy but she adopts him anyway.

Kristoff steals food even when he's not hungry. Imagine an orphan from Russia doing that.

A mere 2 years later she is forcing Kristoff to put hot sauce in his mouth and swish it around (because a neighbor suggested it.) And to take cold showers until he screams (because her husband says that's what they do in the army.) Guess she didn't ask for any advice from the Down Syndrome baby's therapist.

But hey, they're a forever family, properly sealed in God's holy temple and the oldest daughter chose to be baptized a Mormon, by her father no less.

I think I'll be sick now.

I just sat here and sobbed as I watched the video. Work during the day so didn't see the show. Please tell me this woman's children have been taken out of the home!!

A friend of my sister adopted a Russian orphan with RAD even though she also had a large family. She did it because she is a Mormon and thought it was God's will to help this child. Her intentions were good, but she couldn't handle the child and wound up sending her to a special school. I'm sure people besides Mormons do the same thing. They don't know what they are getting into. Of course, I don't know that this child has the same problem but it is common in Russian adoptions. It is a no win situation.

Anyone with half a brain would have realized you must do a lot of homework before adopting an older child. Some have many issues because of the way they have been treated,raised etc. I've had 24 foster kids and you would not believe what I have seen. Almost all have severe eating problems because they never got enough to eat. This issue can last a lifetime. Most have been sexually abused. And many have RAD (reactive attachement disorder) I believe Rad is the most difficult of all the issues. These kids never had some one to attach to,for some reason they did NOT attach to their mothers/care givers. This mother is a beast and needs to have all her kids removed. That poor little boy had most assuradly had a very tough first 5 years. And she thought hot sauce,cold showers,and especially humiliating him in front of his sister was going to help? Can you imagine what goes on when the cameras are off. And the sick pictures of her and her kids all dressed in white.....

...on the previous thread who said that the Russian adoption was a huge red flag. Russia has been notorious for offering kids for adoption who have significant issues and needs...while not informing the adoptive family about same. Dr. Phil was wise to suggest a thorough medical workup for the child in question.

This mom has subjected herself to a large number of stresses -- many kids, a foreign adoption, and a special needs baby.

I have a feeling that somewhere in here mind Kristoff is not her "son". Poor guy. And I wonder if she's encouraging the brother's "shyness" by her behavior. That's wouldn't be good for him at all.

And in response to the teacher's contributions on the original thread I wanted to share about my special needs grandson with autism -- who is mainstreamed with an aide.

We work REALLY hard with the teachers and I can tell they really appreciate it. Aidan is a great kid but he has autism and has to be taught a lot of basics by rote. He has a "sunny day" report for morning and afternoon and he gets exactly 5 chances each morning and 5 each afternoon (unless he does something really, really inappropriate -- like when he put a playmate in a chokehold).

When he brings home a sunny/sunny day (which he does most days, I'm happy to say) he comes home to eat a snack, do his homework and then he gets to play video games -- his ultimate joy in life. If he brings home a sunny/cloudy day he loses video games and TV for an hour after school and we discuss what he needs to do to have a better day the next time. Twice now he's brought home cloudy/stormy days and those lose him video games for the day. And, of course, we discuss what bad choices he made and what better choices he might make next time. (We keep it simple "Keep your hands to yourself." "Be quite and keep your body still at carpet time." "Never throw anything at people." He's only seven.)

He also has two more incentives to good behavior. If he gets no more than one cloudy report in a week I make his lunch for Friday -- which he loves because he gets to tell me exactly what he wants in it -- and if he gets two weeks of sunny/sunny days in a row we go to Chucky Cheeses for dinner.

So far our approach is working well. I wonder if the Mom knew of or thought of these things? I didn't see the entire show. I think, however, that it took a lot of courage for her to ask for help. I'm VERY glad that Dr. Phil was arranging for help for her and the boy.

I also hope she doesn't take on any more children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2010 09:45PM by Rebeckah.

Rebeckah, you are doing an AWESOME job with your grandson. I love your discipline style and it seems to be working just fine! Kudos to you.

I think that I'm like most teachers in that I was afraid of working with an autistic kids before I actually did so. But with my first autistic student -- oh my gosh, I just fell in love with him. He didn't say one word to me for the first six weeks of school! But I just kept my one-sided conversation going, and eventually he replied to me. I feel that I can relate to autistic kids because I've always felt a little bit different, so I can relate to how they feel different from others as well.

I've gone from fearing working with autistic kids to genuinely enjoying working with them.

My daughter is autistic. She's the sweetest little girl you'd ever meet. :) She's 4, doesn't talk, super quiet at school, and very affectionate. She is super smart and picks things up fast. The teachers all love working with her. There's a lot of stereotypes about autism. I'm glad you enjoy working with that group.

Usually the in-school punishments are enough and don't need to be carried through at home outside of just discussing what happened and how the child can handle things in the future.

I was horrified by this woman. What a monster.

I was a teacher's aide for many years. I think teaching is one of the hardest and often the most thankless job our society offers. (Frankly, I think teachers are crazy to do it in our society -- but no offense. :) ) So working with teachers is just second nature to me. I know how stressful it can be to have a special needs student AND we all want Aidan to be a successful adult one day. Socializing him in a mainstream school environment seems to be his best chance right now. So we do everything we can to give him the tools to succeed WITHOUT sucking all the joy out of his life. :D



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2010 02:17AM by Rebeckah.

I'm coming out of lurking to comment on this because it's really fucking pissing me off. This fucking bitch is abusing this child because she not only doesn't consider him to be her child, she is fucking crazy & is putting this 'evil twin' thing on him. I seriously think leadership in her ward & stake know what's going on, & probably think Kristoff is the problem. She probably tells her damn bishop all kinds of bullshit that makes her look like a goddamn martyr. She probably thinks she is one. I also get the feeling she has a lot of other issues.

I hate the way she seemed so calm wile doing it. That wasnt someone who had lost it that was someone who knew exactly what she was doing. The kid might be acting out at school because of this.

The extreme discipline may very well be contributing to the child's behavioral issues.

I consider 'cold showers' as a punishment abusive. It put a lot of stress on a child and as they struggle they can be gulping down water as they scream. What kind of sicko would do that to a child????

My Asperger kid hates showers so he takes baths instead. All that water rushing around his face and ears has always been upsetting for him.

My dd had to tell a mother in Utah she considered 'cold showering' a child abuse. The mother who thought it was okay was shocked. But she is from Utah after all....

kids do not seem to be made to behave very well and if you call the parents on it you're the rotten one.

And so what if it was an 'evil' twin???? No such thing, but you get professional help with special needs kids. If you don't, you are asking for very serious trouble and danger to yourself and others down the line.

Child abuse is not cut and dry. It is sick, manipulative, and twisted. What may seem "harmless" to some, simply is not.

Well, that foster mom still makes me sick.

I mean think about what this is doing to the child. He comes to America and is adopted by an American Mormon family. Then he's treated like this...

His real parents may have been too poor or irrisponsible to care for him, they may have been druggies, or abusive, they may have died! Regardless, can you imagine comming from any of those situations, to being moved to a new country and being treated like this? Poor little guy.

The answer is LOVE. He obviously just wants attention. You don't just punish, punish, punish, without asking more quesitons or thinking about it. The mother was punishing him BEFORE disecting the situation. Or rather, WHILE disecting it. You have to get to the bottom of what's going on, and look past the tip of your nose. For example:

Obviously, from the conversation that took place, the school has some kind of "good colored card / bad colored card" reward system for behavior. The boy got in a fight in school with another boy, for "playing with someone else". Sounds like a jealous buddy. So the boy got in trouble for fighting. Then was given a "bad color card" for the behavior. He responded by stealing a "good color card". Ok....

Well, lets look at the fairness of the situation here. While being questioned as to why he got in a fight with the other boy, he said, "For playing with someone else". If another boy started a fight with him for playing with a different kid, and he defended himself-- is that his fault? No. Then he gets a bad color card for it. Also not fair. Naturally, he would feel like he didn't deserve that. Well so would I! So he "stole" a good color card, probably in the hopes of replacing the bad on in whatever display unit they cards were placed on. Which I really find more funny or an act of vengence agaisnt the teacher, than anything else. But he got in trouble for that too.

He didn't want to admit the card situation to his obviously abusive Foster mom, because he was scared of her. So he lied about what he did. Then he gets yelled at, hot sauce, and a cold shower-- FOR BEING TOO AFRAID TO TELL THE THRUTH. Well... If you're going to demand that people always tell you the truth, then how about you NOT act like a psycho when they do? Maybe then, they won't lie to you so much.

I'm all for adults working together to correct bad behavior within REASON. But sometimes the TEACHER is wrong. If it were my child, I would go back to the school and ask the teacher why she was punishing my son for defending himslef against a jealous buddy. I wouldn't just punish the kid, without thinking about where he is comming from emotionally, or getting to the bottom of it.

No, you shouldn't be fighting in school. But if somebody comes after you first, you have the right to defend yourself.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2010 11:14PM by melissa3839.

"He didn't want to admit the card situation to his obviously abusive Foster mom, because he was scared of her. So he lied about what he did. Then he gets yelled at, hot sauce, and a cold shower-- FOR BEING TOO AFRAID TO TELL THE THRUTH. Well... If you're going to demand that people always tell you the truth, then how about you NOT act like a psycho when they do? Maybe then, they won't lie to you so much."

This is exactly how my dad was. Yell, scream, smack, threaten, and finally get down to demanding the truth. When I told the truth, I'd be just as punished as if I'd lied, only the punishment would be (even obviously to me as a kid) way over the top considering the crime. So if I'm going to be punished like I murdered somebody, I might as well come up with a good "cCrime" to fit the punishment.

My dad taught me to lie to him because the first words out of his mouth were, "I don't believe that." So I'd try to come up with a better story since he obviously wouldn't accept the truth.

Imagine that poor little boy has to be sealed to her
F O R E V E R!!!?

Hehe, depends weather or not you believe sealing is even real. Which I don't. I believe in God, I just don't believe we have to be sealed to each other.

It will be horrific enough to grow up with an abusive parent. Then he gets the psychological damage of tssc on top of that. And gets to believe that it's his lot FOREVER!

I know kristoff.

Someone needs to get on her blog and tell her that her haircut is horrendous. Just sayin

what is RAD btw, I checked hte goglez and I couldn't find anything.

Reactive Detachment Disorder. Kids who were abused or neglected early in life are unable to form bonds with people.Kids in Russian orphanages are often given little nurturing and RAD is common.

Also,If a child does not bond with it's first caregiver they are very likely going to have RAD. We adopted my now 37 year old daughter from Tahiti when she was 2 years old. She was a perfect child-to perfect. But she never got close to any of the next siblings,or myself or dh. I had no clue what RAD was then and I know I would have handled things differently had I understood. She now has 2 kids and is married. She has a great relation with hubby and is a good mom. But she could care less about the rest of us and walks away from friends at the drop of a hat. It;s sad to watch,as she will have nothing to do with dh or I or her husbands parents. But I'm glad she loves her little family.

I think most children have experienced at least a few moments of and fear and confusion with parents who just lost it because they were overwhelmed. This is much different than that. What I find so disturbing is that her abusive punishment and shaming is systematic, controlled, meaningful and not so emotional on her part other than trying to scare him. It's sadistic.

To me it seems she's the one who has an attachment disorder. This is an adult with an attachment disorder sadistically parenting a child while using him as "Convert" said for the self fulfillment it gives to have something she can completely dominate.

She's so completely antisocial as to not understand there are "consequences" for her "choices." She's a fucking criminal and I won't be surprised if she isn't charged criminally in the next few weeks as DCFS and the State are now required to investigate and speak to all the children.

It's also a crime to engage in this type of physical violence in the presence of a child, so the fact the other little girl is present is abuse on her as well. I better stop before I start describing how I'd like to wring her neck.

She apparently thought her parenting wasn't the problem. She seemed really surprised at everyone's reaction and kept saying she's tried everything else. She was highly defensive the whole show and kept reiterating whenever anyone criticized that it was just their opinion.

I'm not sure why she wrote in to the show. She didn't think SHE was the problem. I'm thinking she was just trying to get sympathy for having this out of control child when her family is otherwise so perfect. What a shock she got when everyone blasted her.

One thing people probably don't realize is she's giving this child cold showers in Alaska. I can't even imagine how cold a cold shower is there. Hopefully her whole family gets help and therapy.

It would take me literally HOURS to explain what it is like living with a child like this. Just a snapshot:

7-Year-Old Sasha was sitting on the couch watching cartoons one afternoon with the cat on her lap. Her official adoption was the following day and I was cleaning for a family party.

I asked Sasha to go clean her room. She pulled her eyes from the TV, then emited a low, gutteral growl . . . and deliberately snapped the cat's femur in two. All while staring directly at me.

We adopted her anyway because I received personal revelation from Heavenly Father. (gag)

Reactive Attachment Disorder barely existed before Eastern European orphanages were opened to adoption after the fall of communism. Doctors and therapists didn't even know what they were seeing when waves of these children ended up in their care (or were abandoned to the foster care system).

I'm a Mental Health Counselor and I have specialized in working with RAD kids. Trust me when I tell you, these kids are NOT normal. Adoptive parents are overwhelmed. Sasha had 2 adoptive families before me who disrupted. The first adoptive father was a leading pediatrician in our state. They lasted 2 months. Sasha tried to strangle their toddler. Twice. Left severe bruising around the neck. They bailed.

I am not by any means defending the Mormon mother. She is clearly abusive. But I bet she is also clearly overwhelmed. The Tobasco thing is called "hot saucing" in the South and was used as a punishment years ago. I've not heard of the cold shower thing.

I've been a Medical Foster Parent for a decade and I CAN tell you this . . . she is deliberately abusing the boy in ways that won't leave marks. Social services can't prove anything and she knows it. That's one of the more twisted forms of abuse.

That being said, I'll wager that beautiful, little, blue-eyed boy has done some things that would make your hair stand on end.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2010 04:09PM by shannon.

I can attest to what shannon said about RAD kids.When I was doing foster care I had about 10 children with RAD. It's one of the things these kids just never get over. And some of their behaviors?? Wow. But I got the impression from this mom on Dr. Phil that she wanted people to tell her how wonderful she was for taking the little boy in at all.

She's all about the pictures and the story--roasting marshmallows, slip 'n' slide, picking blueberries for muffins, matching outfits, isn't she just the perfect mom. The reality, as we've seen, is much different, and I'd bet money it's not just with the one kid. Sure, Kamryn is often crying because she's so easily touched by the spirit.

Hard to believe she sent that tape to Dr. Phil and shot herself in the foot with the church like that. There's some seriously disordered thinking going on there.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2010 03:01AM by munchybotaz.

here's a similar thread about this program:
http://209.157.64.200/focus/f-religion/2630453/posts