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Posted by: Ex-CultMember ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 12:33AM

So I'm going to a Mormon funeral service tomorrow. Do Mormons where black to funerals? I've only been to two Mormon funerals and I swear I remember that few people actually wear black. Will I stick out if I wear black?

What do Mormons typically wear at a Mormon funeral?

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Posted by: chipsnsalsa ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 12:46AM

Typically church dress -- shirt and tie for men, dress or skirt for women. Usually LDS do not wear a lot of black at funerals. You're not supposed to "really" be sad. They'll talk about the deceased and then probably give a message about the Mormon "plan of salvation" so do be prepared.

That being said if I were to be attending I would wear black not only as a sign of mourning, but as an act of rebellion. As a woman, I would also probably choose to wear pants.

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Posted by: motherwhoknows ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 01:19AM

When I was a Mormon, there were so many funerals, that I had two funeral outfits: summer and winter. I had to play the organ at a lot of them.

Black skirt--wool for winter, cotton for summer
Black tights in winter, panty hose in summer (hate, hate, hate those)
Flat, black frumpy organist shoes
Dark blouse in summer
Conservative blazer in winter

Temple garments
Chocolate in my purse, to get me through.
Kleenex, because, unlike most Mormons, funerals made me sad.

And the wives still thought I was flirting with their husbands.

Oh, if you are a Mormon funeral-monger, you dress to the hilt! My handsome doctor cousin's wife's funeral looked like a fashion show. At my TBM neighbor's wife's funeral, his old TBM divorced high school girlfriend came in a bright red dress. Hilarious!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2011 01:21AM by motherwhoknows.

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Posted by: Horsefeathers ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 02:37AM

Wear whatever you want.
I gave away my last suit 20 years ago & it was far from new then.
In the years since I've gone to several Mormon funerals & one Catholic. I wear slacks & a sweater vest, don't even bother with my dedicated funeral tie anymore.

I've seen black suits, blue suits, grey suits, and one 1880s frock coat outfit on guys. I've seen gals wear black and generally subdued colors. My daughter wore black slacks at my mother's funeral last month, at which she was a pallbearer & one of two speakers. I didn't see anybody look sideways at her.

There's no set dress code, do what you feel comfortable with.

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Posted by: forbiddencokedrinker ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 03:31AM

I am tempted to give you fun advice, but a funeral is not a fun occasion. It is a time to mourn. When a Mormon friend dies, it is all the more reason for me, since they normally missed out of so much of life, and will never get a chance to experience these things.

And the sad thing is, I am not talking about all the great and evil vices that our TBM friends imagine us engaging in, but the simple joys, like having a beer with your friends, or buying a lottery ticket, not because you think you are going to win, but because for the next few days you get to fantasize about what you would do with the money if you did. (And at a dollar a ticket, way cheaper then paying tithing so you can fantasize about the CK)

Wear black, and bring hankies for crying. Later if asked, tell them you are glad they can find comfort in their spiritual beliefs, and that you know how important those are since you own mean so much to you.

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 03:02PM

well put and so true forbidden coke drinker....

Its the true saddness of a mormon funeral, they have never really


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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 06:23AM

Women need to wear a dress or skirt and blouse. Men need a suit or jacket and slacks.

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Posted by: dogzilla ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 12:16PM

No. I don't "need" to do anything.

If there's a foot of snow on the ground when my TBM dad dies, I will be wearing pants. I may be dressed head-to-toe in black, but I may not. I might add a little splash of color in there somewhere. If it's the dead of summer, I might wear a black strappy sundress. Or an above-the-knee skirt and a dark top.

I do not care what the mormon standards are for dress at mormon funerals. I am not a mormon. I will wear something appropriate for ANY funeral and if they wish to throw me out, they are welcome to try.

I also wear black to weddings because I think it looks sleek and elegant. Nobody has ever said boo to me about this.

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Posted by: deconverted2010 ( )
Date: December 15, 2011 08:47AM

In general mormons do not wear black because "it is not a sad ocassion" and those who mourn at funerals "don't know what we know". I am a convert and I admit that it bothered me that people would show up in bright colours. Later I realized that BIC and converts who were ultra TBM were the ones wearing those colours and using the ocassion to catch up with people they had not seen in years. The talks of course were about converting and bringing back those who were not active members. Converts would usually wear black/dark and show a more quiet mourning attitute.

To me black or a dark colour is a sign of respect for the deceased and the family.

I've attended other faiths' funerals and it is very different than a mormon funeral.


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Posted by: cindy ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 02:48AM

IF I MADE a Mormon mourning dress would it sell ????

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Posted by: villager ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:18PM

I kinda think not unless it had some unique mormon features. Mo women just wear very ordinary modest clothes to funerals--skirts and blazer kind of things.
But maybe you could start a trend:)

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Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 03:03AM

I've never attended a Mormon funeral, but from what I've seen at non-Mormon funerals, people aren't wearing black as much as they once did, but people still wear nice clothes especially if there's a church service. My typical funeral attire is slacks and a nice blouse, and since I'm not Mormon, I'd wear that to a Mormon funeral.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 03:11AM

This is true: One of the golfers in our group died. None of us knew anything about his religious 'preferences.' Word was passed along that the funeral would be at church in Barstow, CA. I was the only person there in a suit. Yay mormon training.

After the ceremony, people were walking by the open casket. That isn't my thing, so I went to the rear of the hall to wait for my friends. Joining the line of mourners were two very pretty 30-something young ladies, both in tight jeans and tank tops. One of the tank-tops had an AC/DC logo on the front and the words, "You rocked me all night long" on the back.

That's what I want my G/F to wear to my funeral. That's exactly how I want to be eulogized!

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Posted by: Breeze ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 04:04AM

Mormons usually have a viewing the night before a funeral, and I go to that. It can be more casual, and a woman might possibly wear dark pants and a blazer, or coat in winter, and get away with it. I have "church phobia" and can't get through a Mormon meeting, without feeling physically sick and mentally anxious. since no one chats in a Mormon meeting, no one notices if I'm actually there, or not, unless the deceased is a family member, and I need to sit with the family.

You aren't going to the funeral to make a statement, I hope. It's not about you. I wear something inconspicuous and conservative--a tan linen blazer and long navy print skirt in the summer, and a long wool skirt and sweater, wool coat, and boots in the winter (for standing in the snow at the graveside). Black isn't necessary.

The advantage of going to the viewing is that you don't have to sit through the Mormon indoctrination garbage, and feel unworthy because you won't be in the CK with a Forever Family, and bla-bla. People won't think you are coming back to church, when all you're doing is trying to honor the dead. Also, at the viewing, you can write your name in the guest book, so that the family knows you were there. You have a chance to actually talk to the family, and express your condolences, and maybe even tell them a story or two about your good memories. It's personal, and it's about the deceased, and not about TSCC. Sending a sympathy card is a good idea, too, and often I just send the card and not go to any of it.

Usually, Mormons have a viewing an hour and a half before the Mormon service, and sometime's I'll leave work and go to that, then skip the service and go back to work. I just wear my work clothes, but a skirt and not pants.

Sometimes, the funeral is far away from the gravesite. The last funeral was in Provo, and it was a heavy work day, so I didn't make the drive down there, but went to the gravesite ceremony in Salt Lake, and was able to give my brief condolences afterwards. No, it isn't a social reunion, or a networking opportunity, or a Mormon brainwashing session, but a funeral.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 12:10PM

There is no strict code for dress at an LDS funeral. People come in suits, slacks, dresses, different colors.
Just dress in a respectful manner.
Some people are very emotional, some are not. LDS folks tend to be emotionally reserved at a funeral.
Some funerals are very religious in content, some are not.
We had a church service and a grave site service for my husband. It all focused on his life: his wonderful traits, and his family gave the talks. Only one short talk which was a testimony by the bishop who was conducting.

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Posted by: perky ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 12:31PM

If the funeral is in backwoods Utah you can also bring a Big Gulp to the funeral.

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Posted by: villager ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:11PM

or a bottle of water --especially if you have to speak.

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Posted by: Templar ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 12:42PM

Dress like you're going to church. That's pretty much what many Mormon funerals are like - a lot about church doctrine and very little about the deceased.

I've been to Mormon funerals where a speaker (usually the local bishop) has actually ragged on the deceased for not being a more faithful member. The damn church won't even let the dead rest in peace.

If there's a god, I offer my thanks for getting me out of this demented CULT.

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Posted by: frackenmess ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:06PM

I once attended a LDS funeral in pants (I came from work) and the looks I got from the peanut gallery were awesome! A bit judgmental and holier than thou mixed in with "She's not LDS obviously."

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:12PM

I usually wear my blazer, slacks and a dress shirt and tie. A black shirt, specifically. Just because.


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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:44PM

1. Last funeral, non-Mormon, was last week. I wore a grey suit and a clan tie - which includes red.
2. I was tempted to wear a kilt but thought it might stand out too much. Did wear my Stetson hat.

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Posted by: dydimus ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 01:49PM

1) Usually only the close family wears black.
2) friends, long lost cousins, coworkers, members of the ward, etc... usually just wear "Sunday" clothes/suits. (tacky to wear bright yellows, reds, etc...) muted dark colors is okay.

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Posted by: bona dea.unregistered ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 02:45PM

Mormons wear Sunday best which may or may not be black. Mormon women will wear skirts or dresses though I have even seen people wear jeans and tee shirts at times. I would wear whatever you would ordinarily wear to a funeral and avoid being too casual or too colorful. I have worn pants and many other inactives or non Mormons do too. No one seemed to care although if most are good Mormon you might want to avoid pants if you are a woman and wear a coat and tie if male.That way you will blend in better

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Posted by: ExMoBandB ( )
Date: May 02, 2015 04:28PM

What if Hilary Clinton went to a Mormon funeral, wearing a pants suit?

The only other cousin in my enormous Mormon family that was divorced, besides me, died at Christmas time. She gave instructions for her funeral, and it was held in the mortuary chapel--not a Mormon building. She had left the cult, years ago, but her two brothers are hardcore cult members--mission presidents, temple presidents, big-wigs at BYU, etc. The funeral went fine, with her ex-Mormon children and grandchildren doing the conducting, speaking and musical numbers--until her brother gave the closing talk, which was a brother's tribute, until the last few sentences, when he began to talk very rapidly about the plan of salvation and eternal families (of which the deceased was not part of). He said with fervor, and with a tone of desperation, as though he would be struck by lightning, if he didn't say those words! My four snobbiest cousins were sitting in front of us, and they almost gave each other high-fives! "Yes" they hissed, smiling openly, "Way to Go, Cousin George! He came through at the last minute, and got the Word out!"

The cousin I was sitting next to said. "Shush. Show some respect."

Sorry for the digression. The best talk was given by a woman university professor, who was wearing a brightly-colored African caftan, which the deceased had given her.

If you're rich enough and famous enough, and/or confident enough, you can wear whatever the heck you want to wear.

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