So, I'm dating a girl (I'm gay) for about 4 months now. She is kinder, more devoted and more reliable than any other partner has ever been. We have great sex, great conversations, all of that. THe only thing is, she seems "crazier" about me than I am about her. I hate the thought of losing her, and it's not that I'm bored or anything (far from it)...I just don't really feel that constant butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. I still sometimes think about dating other people, although I've never actually made an attempt to do so.

So my question is...I'm used to a sort of tumultuous, tempestuous, short-lived infatuation kind of relationship. I've never had a long-term relationship. I'm not a kid, but I'm young enough that that's not weird. So I'm not sure if I should move on from this relationship, or if I'm just not sure how to have a normal, everyday, adult relationship yet. THoughts?

Only you can answer that question, but keep in mind that the initial infatuation phase of a relationship will dissolve in time anyway.

Relationships are seldom perfectly balanced. It's okay that she's more into you than you are into her. It beats the reverse!

A lot of what happens in relationships is due to timing. She could be a wonderful match for you, but if you are not in a place in life where you can appreciate that, you'll inevitably move on. Having said that, it sounds to me like you have a great thing going with her. The question is, can you mature quickly enough to appreciate it?

However, a relationship also needs passion and enough novelty and change to keep it interesting; otherwise we become bored and grow apart. Some people have a higher need for novelty than others. Is it possible you might take responsibility for that aspect of the relationship?

You might check out John Gottman's work.

Faithfulness.
Sincerity.
Selflessness.
Forgiveness.
Responsibility.
Creativity.
Humor.
Continuous growth.
Flexibility.
Honesty.
Thankfulness.

as someone that was married for 30 years and now find myself single - I would add - appreciation, listening, empathizing, and reminding one's self every day of what is important - love is a gift!

No argument withg that but i would prioritze it this way:

Intelligent
Faithfulness.
Sincerity.
Humor.
Selflessness.
Forgiveness.
Responsibility.
Creativity.
Continuous growth.
Flexibility.
Honesty.
Thankfulness


Smart AND funny women are a real turn on for me....

Both passion likely will fade over time and with age, stability can go out the window with the breadwinner losing their job.

With communication and trust, a couple can get though periods of instability, and to be honest, I will take genuine intimacy over passion any day.

My two cents:
Passion will always come and go.
If it goes, it will be back, as long as there is real caring and respect.
Relying on passion to define a relationship is kinda like the morg expecting people to rely on feelings to know if their church is true.
If it's true, feelings won't define it.
If it's not, the most earnest desire in the world won't make it so.

and goes and comes.

It's important, sure, but stability is part of a good relationship. I was used to having very volatile, passionate relationships, which were almost ALWAYS abusive ones.

I wouldn't trade the stability and comfort I have now. Things aren't always hot and heavy, but it's nice to have that person to come home to every night.

Stability might not work out either, and then you'll wish you'd picked passion.

Stability gets you through the "For worse".



One who knows all about the for worse lately,
Doxi

Best wishes for fortitude as needed.

Hope things soon shift for the better!

Two people, who were committed to each other, went to bed. Blessed stability.

But they were tired.

They fell asleep. And they rested.

At 5 am, passion was awakened.

Both have a look in their eye today.

Dontcha just love it when Richard Morningwood pays a visit at the doorstep and actually gets in the door?

I think they are equally important

You mentioned two things: butterflies and wanting to date other people.

Butterflies - Why the hell do you think that you need to feel butterflies in your stomach? What exactly does that mean?

I'm sure some overly emotional people might feel something akin to being nervous around someone, but the idea that you must feel this is not true. You only need to feel the emotions that you feel and nothing else.

Wanting to date other people - Are you sure you actually want to be with this person? If my girlfriend or I were to tell each other that we wanted to date other people, the relationship would be over.

If you are feeling the need to date other people, and you can't shake the feeling, you need to move on.

Also, there is no real question about whether passion or stability are more important. That is a weird false dichotomy. Both are completely controllable by you and your partner.

Four months is a very short time in which to make decisions like this, unless you are certain the relationship will never progress farther. Maybe at this point in life you might be better served by dating around and getting more experience with different types of people to ascertain what kind of person you are trully compatible with.

maybe I should start my own thread?

Torn between passion and stability, two woman, the passionate
one overseas, mother of my child, after was terminated from the church in rightousness, tho falsey accused over something that led me to diviers sins, my infertility became a mirical and DNA prooven to be my child, and my friend new stake pres originally advised me to marry her could see vision. But when the ex came to hear about it, instead of attacking me, she forgave me and said now you have that stupid mormon prophecy of having a daughter out of your sytem, come back to me. The stake president then had another revelation and saw the light I should get back with my original mormon wife and forget about the other..

I still send money but advised by my present wife to end it
and let the baby born out of sin and wedlock and the mother
go to hell..

what should I do???????........

I am trying to choose stability and get back with my wife who I was seperated for many years thanks to the lds church contributed to breaking us up over false accusations etc.

Tho the passion with the mother of my child is a brighter light tho taxing financially... If I cut sending money for her as well as child, then I am totally free. The 3rd world native
village survival without my finanial help, may mean My daughter grow up and be sold in prostitition..

but for the love of my present wife who is a good standing mormon member, I am demanded to toss her and the child to the winds to proove my love for my wife.

If there was such a thing as poligamy I would choose them both?

Larry.......