and I write that it will sound silly, because we're nevermos and not into it quite like Mormons are.

So, dad has be futzing around with Ancestry dot com and found someone else working on our family tree. When he told me that they were combining trees, I figured we are relatives somehow with this other person, but, well, (forgive me) she has an aol email address, it is Ancestry dot, and, well, I'm thinking she's probably getting our family in line for dead dunking and all the other things that keep the people flowing into the temple and the money flowing into the LD$, Inc. coffers (gotta pay for City Creek somehow!).

When I first learned of dead dunking, I was pretty pissed. Now, I'm not so much only because I kinda don't care, but I do support those who find it offensive.

Here's my question: Should I tell my dad he might be inadvertently contributing to a big ole scam (my sympathies lie more with the kids who will be carted in in the early morn and dunked ad nauseum and the people who will pay, pray, and obey in order to get my relatives out of limbo or wherever they are besides the ground.)

Oh, and apparently I can apply for DAR status. But I might be too brown. ;-)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2011 11:40PM by Beth.

You don't need to tell your dad to stop due to that. Many people want to learn about ancestors. I find it all very intriguing. I have decided as a nevermo that I can not control what others do, so I will do what I want to do. IF I want to research relatives I will. One of my distant cousins has gone back to the 1760's and it is pretty cool to find out you are part Swiss and no one ever knew that.He found documents and baptismal records from centuries ago. It is all very cool. If your DAD doesn't know much about Mormons you should tell him about their stupid practice of dead dunking, but don't let their rudeness keep you from learning about your ancestors.

Dad's an Episcopalian, which means he's not über religious, but still, the temple work might put him off. I think he should know. I think he should also know about the issue with Holocaust victims and the purpose behind genealogy, Mormon-style.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 12:45AM by Beth.

Plenty of non-Mormons are into geneology as well. I've worked on my family tree off and on. It's nice (and saves a lot of time) when you can hook into someone else's work. I wouldn't worry about it.

Just suggest to your dad that he not share any of his research with people he doesn't know.

I wouldn't because he might get something profound out of it. And if he thinks there's a risk of dead dunking he might not do it and miss out on something meaningful. Theres a beautiful show on NBC called Who Do You Think You Are that profiles celebrities helped by ancestors.com to find their family histories. Many of the stories make you cry, they're so moving when they find out what people in their family line went through.

Many of the episodes are on Youtube. They had Vanessa Williams, Lionel Richie, Rosie O"Donnell, Ashley Judd, Lisa Kudrow, Kim Cattrell... Its possible he's seen the show. I wouldn't let what Mormons might do with the names interfere with what might be a very meaningful experience.

I think I've seen the show -- it's by Professor Gates, right?

Dad has been to the Library of Congress, plantations (hard to get good records there), and he's quite capable of doing his own research. Other people in our family have pieced a tree together -- a tree this person he's talking to didn't have.

That's my issue: I don't think he knows with whom he's sharing this information and how it might be used. If someone wants to research my family on their own, that's fine. But I want my father to have his eyes open to how his hard work might be used. Once he has knowledge, it's his choice, and I'm okay with that. It's the not knowing that bothers me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 12:46AM by Beth.

Prof Gates had a really great one too on PBS, I think. Not sure what the name of it was. But this is the one I meant on one of the networks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJmWIcb9IT4

here: http://www.familytreedna.com/

it's a one time deal, non religious, allows you to trace back your roots, substantially faster than all the hours spent in front of your computer, and vastly cheaper considering the monthly fees of sites that rely on sometimes bad census data.


just spit, relax, and enjoy your pedigree.

but I was turned down for some reason. The cool thing is that DNA might be a stronger link to my ancestor who was part of the 2nd Constitutional Congress, and might help me gain entree into the Old Bitty Corps (DAR). My kid could use the scholarship money, plus, I think it's important to acknowledge the descendents of African slaves and Native Americans who are just as closely tied to these societies through marriage and other means as the mostly blue-blood members are.

I'm for telling your dad the truth about it all, then letting him, a grown up adult, make his own decision.

And I am also for teaching him how to privacy protect living people's data online when posting trees, and in general, to be wary of most others, whenever online.

I always figure it's not the info or knowledge of the info that can hurt you or be used against anyone else, or cause anguish and hurt feelings which can last a lifetime, it is the secrecy and trying to keep it from getting out and all the lies and compromises one ends up having to participate in, which does the most damage, both now and later.

SO just be honest, tell him the truth and what the implications of that truth are.may be, and then let him decide.

My family had a family society based on a cousin about 3 generations or so past to which we married something like 80 years ago. The family society used to meet quarterly so the families could keep up on what was going on, etc.

As a result, one of my cousins started assembling the family tree on the other genealogy website, http://www.geni.com - I added in information for some of my relatives, then I started adding in the branches from my paternal grandmother, which made the tree look HUGE. Most of the people in the family do not know about the site.

and I suggest it as an alternative to what my father is using. He can take what he's already learned and use it to start a new tree, if he wants.

:-)

My whole family is TBM and I'm the heathen. But out of all of us it seems like I'm the most interested in geneology. And to be honest, I enjoy all of the UN-mormon things I find.

For example, there are lots of polygamists on my Dad's side of the family. But the ancestors on my Mom's side got sick of Brigham Young and left the church early on. And it turns out my great great grandmother ran a boarding house for the federal marshalls prosecuting the polygamists in Utah. On my Dad's side of the family we've found people who were slave owners in Missouri.

The parents of my best friend are both from Carthage Illinois. We started comparing family histories once and realized that her ancestors probably helped run my ancestors out of Nauvoo.

Very cool! I also have tons of TBM relatives who have done massive amounts of research and I have reaped the benefits. We also have plenty of polygamists, and also plenty of unmarried mothers, etc.

I think it is interesting that we can get more interested in family history for its own sake after leaving the LDS Church. If one is only interested in getting names, birth dates and death dates to do temple work is boring.

I went to the town where some of my ancestors lived in Massachusetts in the 1600's. This was a very moving experience, and helped me find my place in the history of my family outside of Mormonism.

My nevermo GF's dad is into genealogy. The only harm in doing it is possible exposure to Mormonism, but one can gain immunity to assimilation through study.

Apparently I'm not to share information without first being asked to do so. This directive applies to everyone on the Earth. I'm also to respect my elders just because they haven't predeceased me. It's also not a good idea to ask someone why they're yelling at you when they don't want to admit that somehow you've touched a nerve and you have no idea which one you've triggered.

I didn't try to talk him out of anything -- I thought I was sharing information that he might not know. And then he hung up on me.

I've composed an unsent email apologizing for my pedantic behavior, and I left out the part of not realizing that he'd been appointed Spokesman of the World w/r/t my relationships with others, but I'd keep that in mind.

In my unsent (and soon-to-be-deleted) email, I also promised to "speak only when spoken to," but I figured that would just escalate the argument to full-blown fight status.

The worst part is that I wanted to see him Friday (I never had a chance to tell him this), because I'm rarely in town, and I love him very much. I think I'll visit with a friend instead.

Three cheers for navigating the minefield of adult relationships with your parents! I don't know why I have so much trouble in that regard.

Thanks for all of your advice. If anyone can suggest how I can get along with my folks without pissing them off, that would be great and probably a new thread. ;-)



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 01:28PM by Beth.

In my experience, and my wife's, you can only start to have an adult relationship with your parents when *they* are ready to accept you as an adult and change the terms of your relationship. My MIL took a lot longer to get this than my own mother, but the process was essentially the same. And the worst part is that there isn't much you can do to speed this up that isn't confrontational.

My wife (aged 24) actually had counselling to help her deal with her mother who she still lived with. The main thrust of the advise was how to reflect her mother's behaviour back to her whilst demonstrating her willingness to redefine the terms of the relationship in a positive way.

Good luck!

you're FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! GROW UP!" and "I'm your PARENT! WORSHIP ME!"

Meh to both.

I know that Ancestry.com is a Mormon-infused business. But I don't care. It's one of the highest-profile geneology research sites online, and it has enabled me to connect to some family I lost touch with.

I also met someone researching part of my family tree. The woman has done a stupendous job, and allowing me access to all the data she's uncovered has enriched my family knowledge beyond belief.

I say let Dad have his fun. And since you will be one of the recipients of his hard work, take the good with the bad.


~VOW

Your dad might be amused by this site:

http://famousdeadmormons.com/index.php?id=211

It lists famous people who have been dead dunked by the mormons and are now....Mormon! Including the famous Chrisitian apologist CS Lewis.

Be careful about accepting info from others - in my experience, many amatuer family history researchers are sloppy and post a lot of bad informatino.

Seriously, Dad isn't amused by much. Unfortunate.

Hi Beth! Nice to see you back here!


I love doing my family tree and use ancestry.com. No one in my family gives a crap about genealogy except my MIL and two of my mom's cousins (no Mo's in my family). On Ancestry.com I've come across my maternal grandfather and another relative in the trees of people who are in Utah. I presume they're Mormon but I've no idea how we might be related. I've sent messages to them asking for more info but have never had a reply.

Yeah -- I'm kinda not caring about this tree business after Dad blew up. My understanding is that they can't list living relatives on a public tree, so now that I can view the tree, I'll ask to be removed. I'll see if my kid wants off, too. Dad sent in his picture for Pete's sake. I still haven't felt like looking at this thing. One day...