Hey all, I just wrote my resignation letter for the entire family. That's eight of us. Of course, the mail doesn't come until tomorrow. I need some moral support to have the balls to get this thing in the mail box. Thanks.
One of the reasons I am doing it now is that my oldest is going away to college soon, and he's still a minor. Did yours move along okay? I'm afraid that the bishop and every member in the ward is going to challenge us in every way they can. I'm not looking for conflict, just to get out.
We live in a very non-Mormon part of the country and my kids were fine with leaving the church. They saw early on that their non-Mo friends were good people from good families and not objects of pity because they weren't LDS.
Their dad and I split a couple of years after I stopped going to church and the kids, who lived with me, stopped going with much relief. When I told them I was writing the letter, I asked the three oldest, who were all over 18, if they wanted to be included, and they said yes. My youngest was only 12 at the time and I didn't want to put that burden on him and have him go against his dad. But he stopped going to church, too and does not consider himself a Mormon by any stretch (he's 20 now).
The Motrix Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- . . . . I'm afraid that the > bishop and every member in the ward is going to > challenge us in every way they can. I'm not > looking for conflict, just to get out.
I'm really not trying to be rude, but "SO?" is a question that can help you figure out what matters, and what to do next (thanks, Martha Beck).
SO? Does it MATTER how they react? I'm guessing it probably WILL affect you somewhat. SO . . . how are you going to deal with it?
Since YOU are just leaving, it might create a stir. SO . . . you just figure out what kind of boundaries you want to set: How much information you want to share (or not), if you will accept any cookies, visitors, phone calls? Will you let your kids attend?
And if members of the ward don't like what you decide . . . .SO? It's not their life. And you'll be okay without their approval. In fact, you might be better off without it. Approval comes at much too high a price in the LDS church.
Learning to step outside of the safety of approval and acceptance was probably THE best thing I learned when I left Mormonism.
DebbiePA Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > If any of those 8 are in a college that has a > different ward than you are in, they have to send > in their own resignation to their bishop. > > Two of my girls are still members of record > because when we sent in our group letter, they > were away at college. That is an LDS church rule, not your rule. you and yours are out when you/they say they are.
(pats you on the back) Good for you standing up for the fact that god is a separate subject from any particular denomination!
Its like the muse said in the movie Dogma,
"No denomination has nailed it, because they're all too self righteous to realize that it doesn't matter WHAT you have faith in-- just that you HAVE faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brain's gotta wake up."
Good luck and congrats. In one min. it will be the day you can get that letter sent off... super. And yes, set some boundaries. If these people bug you you can say "I have my reason and they are family matters". Or you can say "I no longer want my family in a cult." Or you can say, "Well, we can have a talk but you must hear me out and I don't want your Sun. testimony talk." Hopefully they will leave you alone.
No one should speak to any of your family without you there by the way. Explain to the kids what they can do at school or in the neighborhood. It is best to prepare them. If they will be shunned, explain it now. But also explain "that is another reason you are leaving the LDS because people in that church do those things. I wish you well and have a good life where you are allowed to think and make your own decisions about money, too. and time.
I'm glad you wrote the letter and hope you send it. I remember when I wrote mine four years ago. Even though I was certain I was doing the right thing, the conditioning kicked in strong when I went to put it in the mail. It was both gut-wrenching, and thrilling. I can tell you that was the most therapeutic thing I've done in my recovery from the church/cult and I'm glad I didn't back away from that opportunity.
I can't resign yet as it would be too detrimental to my marital bliss. I live in hope that my wife will slowly reach a position where me being in or out doesn't make a material difference to our marriage (which is very good).
also, resignation means they have no authority over you.
If the Bishop calls, stick to yes, that's our decision and no we aren't going to discuss or debate the merits of the Church because it's a fraud and a con. That's all you need to know. Besides, if you have the notification in your hand you know we're not members anymore.
One size fits all for any you run into around town.
Tell the bish this isn't open for discussion. Your mind is made up. Repeat that message as needed, then excuse yourself, say goodbye, and hang up the phone or close the door.
There might be a flurry of unwanted contact, but all you have to do is repeat your message. "Thank you for your concern, but our decision is final. Goodbye."
That is, really, the only sensible approach - yet it is often difficult/disconcerting for for departing members to exclude the bishop from the decision-making process.
They would do well to remember that a mormon "bishop" is nothing more than an untrained (frequently unsuitable) functionary of a faux-religion.
beginning of the the TV series "Law and Order?" Right now a similar sound should be ringing in your ears. It's the sound of your balls finally descending into the position they were meant to be in. It hurts a little at first, but then as James Brown might say, "It feels Good!"
the new direction, new as in the last two months, is that the resignation is referred to the local authorities who have 60 days to complete any actions on it. if not action is taken, church headquarters will issue the resignation. have no fear about a slow bishop or Stake president sitting on your letter. it will still get processed without any action from them